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markos and prisca, I have offensive inlaws, and I see a huge difference between an offensive inlaw and someone asking for no-strings sex.
C'mon.
Unless the inlaws were asking for hidden sexcapades, I don't see how they compare.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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I don't think that was it, BH. Maybe I have the date wrong.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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markos and prisca, I have offensive inlaws, and I see a huge difference between an offensive inlaw and someone asking for no-strings sex.
C'mon.
Unless the inlaws were asking for hidden sexcapades, I don't see how they compare. The main comparison is this: Both of these problems need to be solved using the policy of joint agreement and the four guidelines to successful negotiation. (They also both involve a wife wanting her husband to defend her from other people and make her feel protected.)
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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For the record, another issue I thought of comparing this to is groping.  Hypothetical husband has SF as #1 need and feels it needs to be met by groping. Hypothetical wife is not enthusiastic about that. Husband feels frustrated and unfulfilled about this. What is the solution? As always, use POJA and FGSN to find an alternative way to meet his need that she can be enthusiastic about. I'll pause for all the women to yell at me now for making this comparison. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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markos and prisca, I have offensive inlaws, and I see a huge difference between an offensive inlaw and someone asking for no-strings sex.
C'mon.
Unless the inlaws were asking for hidden sexcapades, I don't see how they compare. I've experienced both. For me, the situation with the inlaws was more emotionally traumatic. Did you even read Markos' post? His point was to show that difficult situations need to be solved using POJA and FGSN. Are you saying that there is no comparison, so there is no need for POJA and FGSN? How is that MB? How is that going to get the OP what she desires? C'mon.
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Does she have to POJA protecting her from a sexual predator? I wouldn't think so. "This guy is a threat," should suffice.
I realize that both you and I dealt with inlaw issues, but I didn't poja having the threat in my house. I tried; it doesn't work with family. "This guy is a threat; get rid of it" worked much, much better.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I have to say, too, that while I understand its motivation I don't think that the initial request re: how other men would handle the situation is all that helpful or, even, in keeping with MB. With perhaps one or two exceptions, all the responses simply feed an undercurrent that HNIC's husband is wrong or unmanly for not wanting to punch the guy's lights out. I dunno, maybe he is. But that doesn't help HNIC approach him in a way that will ensure that she feels cared for, that also complies with POJA and the need to avoid LBs.
Last edited by kerala; 08/31/12 05:24 PM. Reason: spelling - long week
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 08/31/12 06:42 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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CWMI, Prisca getting hit on was not the same incident as the EA, which really doesn't have anything to do with it.
All of those issues fall under POJA and FGSN.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I guess at this point I need to talk with Prisca and we need to negotiate if she wants me to defend her from you bringing this nasty event of her past up, and what ways I would be enthusiastic about doing that. Maybe we'll have a great example here of how to handle such things.... Anyway, that was really uncalled for, CWMI!
Last edited by Fireproof; 08/31/12 06:43 PM. Reason: removing quote
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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And I don't mean to you personally, prisca, but to your marriage.
Affair or inlaws?
Which is more traumatic?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Prisca may feel she'd like me to blow up at you for that. I'm not sure I'm enthusiastic about that, so I would suggest alternatives, like letting you know that was uncalled for, or reporting you to the mods.
Or saying something offensive about donuts, I dunno.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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And I don't mean to you personally, prisca, but to your marriage.
Affair or inlaws?
Which is more traumatic? What kind of question is this, and how does it help the original poster?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 08/31/12 06:44 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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She's fine with it being discussed in relevant circumstances, CWMI.
At this point, we're now in exactly the same circumstances as the original poster, because Prisca is extremely unhappy at your rude and uncalled for remarks, and she'd like me to do something about it.
Maybe we should just negotiate our response her on this thread, that'd be fun...
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 08/31/12 06:38 PM. Reason: TOS snotty, distracting
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 08/31/12 06:39 PM. Reason: TOS distracting, disrespectful
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I know. I was there. Which do you think was more traumatic overall? Your inlaws being snippy or someone propositioning you for sex? My inlaws. They are the cause of the Post Partum Depression I suffered, and the lingering anxiety. The OM didn't cause me emotional trauma. Neither did the guy who came on to me a couple weeks ago. That's the thing about feelings. Every situation feels different to each individual. What might traumatize some, doesn't others. Feelings are irrational, but also very real and can be addressed using POJA and FGSN. Would you like to help the OP use POJA and FGSN to get her emotional need met?
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Would you like to help the OP use POJA and FGSN to get her emotional need met? Ditto.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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And I don't mean to you personally, prisca, but to your marriage.
Affair or inlaws?
Which is more traumatic? What kind of question is this, and how does it help the original poster? Well, in talking to Hopeful about how you dealt with inlaws, it doesn't really help her in dealing with affair situations, does it? Even if they are just proposed affairs? Yes it does. They are absolutely similar, for reasons that have been explained. I'm not sure why you have suddenly decided to take out some personal vendetta against my wife, but I don't think she deserves it, and I don't think this poster deserves having her thread hijacked.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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