If your husband was formerly enthusiastic about only one thing, walking immediately after dinner, did he eventually come around with enthusiasm for walks at other times? Just wondering how the resolution of your problem worked out.

In my particular case, I live in an apartment, and my dogs must be walked; the option to not go for a walk if nobody agrees is not really an option. Well, actually, I suppose it is, but then there'd be a mess to clean up. That would lead to a quick agreement, wouldn't it?

We ended the night in agreement that he would wait 30 minutes after dinner for me to be ready to go with him comfortably. I'm sure we'll renegotiate that after the time changes. One of his 'logical' arguments was that it was still light out from 7-7:30, but getting dark from 7:30-8. Pretty soon it'll be dark at 6! OMG, what will we do then??? He'll have to leave work early to walk the dog in the daylight! [insert sarcastic smilie]

lol, yes, I suppose your situation would lead to a fast agreement. Or an argument about who had to clean it up!

Sorry to have fallen off the thread suddenly, we were mid-move and didn't have internet for a bit. I did however talk with the Harleys on the radio and got some input. Dr harley addressed most of his advice to my dh and i asked my dh to listen, which he did though he refused my offer to send in his own letter before the show so they'd have a more full picture. Anyway, basically the conversation centered around his career and he had no further input even after listening to the show. He's also still made no effort to meet any of my emotional needs except to say every time i bring it up that he is working on them by getting the new house (it was a stressful series of events to close on this house, which is our first home). He thinks because financial support is my highest EN right now that the house would meet that, despite me telling him numerous times that it was not the case. Especially when his refusal to find alternative living arrangements meant we were essentially homeless for 1.5 weeks, which he knows is a major fear of mine after i was homeless for a few weeks back in college when my mother got drunk and angry and kicked all us kids out on christmas day. He knows this was traumatic for me and that it was my fear it'd happen again if our lease ended before we closed on the new house but he kept assuring me it wouldn't and i feel duped for believing him again. I even ended up in the hospital with contractions which required medication to stop due to all the stress.

I'm trying to sort out if we can set aside a portion of a recent financial windfall to do the phone counseling as a couple. I don't think any amount of convincing my dh is going to change things, i think he needs more work to establish new habits. I'm realizing how deeply entrenched we are in this cycle and i'm just full of criticisms and angry outbursts at this point.

What was the date of your call, PW2007? I will get it and post it.

PW, all it takes to change bad habits is the proper motivation. No matter how entrenched, a person can change his habits if he chooses to do so.

And you can also change your habits of criticizing and angry outbursts. You can do that today.

Are you sleeping in the same bed now?

It was thursday 2 weeks ago, um, sept 13th i think?

I know I definitely need to stop the love busters, it's not how I used to act at all and I don't want to be that way. He is back in our bed because his mother showed up for a week long visit and so she was on the pull-out couch.

So are you saying if he's not willing to change without counseling that we won't have luck with it at this point? He keeps saying he's willing but doesn't act that way. I never know what to think because his words and actions rarely match up.

Words are meaningless. Actions are what matter

Is this your call?
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Yes, that's my call.