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FarmerBob, has your ExWife moved on with someone else?
I can't believe that you think that a one year "exclusive"(with her FWB exception apparently) relationship with this person is better than your 28 year marriage with your ex wife.
Cut and RUNNNNNNNNNN I should clarify. I'm not very good at this forum stuff. Bear with me. My relationship with my GF was better than my marriage when it ended, not the whole marriage. Of course it was, because if it wasn't, your marriage wouldn't have ended in the first place. I am curious as to why you're willing to seek help for this "relationship" that you are only 2 years into that involves infidelity already, but were apparently so unwilling to seek help with a 28 year marriage. 28 years. That's a pretty long time. Why is this new GF more deserving of your efforts now to seek out help than your wife of 28 years was then?
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I don't exactly get what you are saying, Alis. I Would have told my wife, if she had asked me, and the only lie I ever told her was the unspoken one. I only told her even when we divorced because she asked me if it had ever happened. Believe it or not, I'm not in the habit of avoiding unpleasant truths, and this is probably the only truly deceitful thing I've ever done. My GF just got here so I'm going to talk to her now. Thanks to ALL of you, it has helped. I know I robbed a bank, and I would have given the money back, but I didn't because the po po didn't come and ASK me if I robbed it and ASK for the money back, so that's ok, right? I think, FarmerBob, that you don't value marriage very much if you equate your live in gf to a wife, and that you diminish cheating, at least your own one night of drunken whateveryoucalledit, and you even diminish lying. If she didn't ask, then it's not my fault she didn't know about it! No you do not deserve to be cheated on because you cheated, although most BS's DO have some faith in kharma. I am just pointing out the fact that if YOU diminish marriage, cheating, and lying, then why would you expect your current partner to take it all seriously? I don't know who you think you are, but your comments are neither accurate or helpful. I made ONE bad choice 28 years ago, and never looked at another woman since that time. I value marriage very highly. I have never said that what I did was anything other than stupid and disgraceful. My ex wife seems to think I was a pretty damn good husband. Our issues had nothing to do with the ONS.
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Viper, my wife and I agreed that our marriage had run it's course, and that there was nothing we could do married that we couldn't do single. She has other , more important (to her) activities, and our time together was getting down to a couple of nights a week or less, and I wasn't ready (still ain't)spend my senior years in some kind of fundamentalist religious group home. Believe me, if either of us would have wanted to, we would still be together. We both know what our issues are, and we solved those issues to our satisfaction.
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Well, if nothing else, it was an interesting chat we had. She had been married before, but what I never knew was that, the last year , their marriage was an open one, and that they were frequent swingers. This is the first I've heard any of this!!! The man she was with is her FWB or "friends with benefits", a new term to me, which means a person who you see just for sex, or something like that. There is more, but I'm busy and haven't had time to process it yet. So she's still in the swinger lifestyle. What are you going to do? Fish or cut bait?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I don't know yet. She is coming to the appt. tomorrow night to give me details . This afternoon she offered to sign over the deed to our building to me, eat the loss of her investment, and quit her job, If I will give her a second chance.
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I don't know yet. She is coming to the appt. tomorrow night to give me details . This afternoon she offered to sign over the deed to our building to me, eat the loss of her investment, and quit her job, If I will give her a second chance. Even if she wanted to try and be faithful the conditions that allowed the FWB would need to change. Would she stop traveling? Because she has the opportunity to have many FWB with the traveling.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 09/06/12 10:19 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Surely your wife was no loser 28-29 years ago when you did the same? They aren't married, alis.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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She didn't until we divorced. Hang on a minute. Are you saying you were married, and now you're divorced? Because your earlier posts say otherwise.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Viper, call me a liar again, and I'll report you to whoever runs this thing.
Last edited by Fireproof; 09/06/12 10:20 PM. Reason: removing quote
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 09/06/12 10:22 PM. Reason: TOS
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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She didn't until we divorced. Hang on a minute. Are you saying you were married, and now you're divorced? Because your earlier posts say otherwise. Maybe I wasn't clear. I was married until 4.5 years ago, when I divorced. My GF and I have dated for 2 years and lived together for 1 year.
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**edit**
Last edited by Fireproof; 09/06/12 10:21 PM. Reason: TOS
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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OK, you are reported. Think what you want, you seem to know everything, so why bother to post? You need serious anger help.
Last edited by Fireproof; 09/06/12 10:21 PM. Reason: removing quote
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Another nerve hit.
Good luck.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Thank you for leaving. I wonder about forums like this. Most posters have been helpful, but a few are very argumentative like Viper. Oh, well.
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I don't know yet. She is coming to the appt. tomorrow night to give me details . This afternoon she offered to sign over the deed to our building to me, eat the loss of her investment, and quit her job, If I will give her a second chance. Even if she wanted to try and be faithful the conditions that allowed the FWB would need to change. Would she stop traveling? Because she has the opportunity to have many FWB with the traveling. She told me today that she would quit her job and stay home, and that she will tell the Dallas guy to not speak to her or contact her again. I'm really sorry this happened. I thought we could grow old together. Maybe she is just too young for me? IDK. Six years doesn't seem too many.
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I don't know yet. She is coming to the appt. tomorrow night to give me details . This afternoon she offered to sign over the deed to our building to me, eat the loss of her investment, and quit her job, If I will give her a second chance. Even if she wanted to try and be faithful the conditions that allowed the FWB would need to change. Would she stop traveling? Because she has the opportunity to have many FWB with the traveling. She told me today that she would quit her job and stay home, and that she will tell the Dallas guy to not speak to her or contact her again. I'm really sorry this happened. I thought we could grow old together. Maybe she is just too young for me? IDK. Six years doesn't seem too many.Really how so?? She is 54years old Right?? You learn right from wrong at what age?? Move on
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I don't know yet. She is coming to the appt. tomorrow night to give me details . This afternoon she offered to sign over the deed to our building to me, eat the loss of her investment, and quit her job, If I will give her a second chance. Even if she wanted to try and be faithful the conditions that allowed the FWB would need to change. Would she stop traveling? Because she has the opportunity to have many FWB with the traveling. She told me today that she would quit her job and stay home, and that she will tell the Dallas guy to not speak to her or contact her again. I'm really sorry this happened. I thought we could grow old together. Maybe she is just too young for me? IDK. Six years doesn't seem too many.Really how so?? She is 54years old Right?? You learn right from wrong at what age?? Move on I know that's what I should do, but I really loved this woman, or at least the woman I thought she was. At my age, how many more chances will I get?
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Well, if nothing else, it was an interesting chat we had. She had been married before, but what I never knew was that, the last year , their marriage was an open one, and that they were frequent swingers. This is the first I've heard any of this!!! The man she was with is her FWB or "friends with benefits", a new term to me, which means a person who you see just for sex, or something like that. There is more, but I'm busy and haven't had time to process it yet.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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