I am going to get tested,GO. Just in case. But she said that they used protection although how do I know that's true.

You will get lots of chances. There are lots of nice ladies out there who are much more suitable. RUN Bob! She is bad, bad news.

That is a WISE decision...

I guess what I'm looking for is anyone who has been a swinger or been involved with a former swinger, who has been able to be exclusive again. I looked at a swinger's forum, but all they wanted me to do is join in. I'm really hoping that I can get some help understanding this. Like what is their mindset? What morals do they have, if any?

Hmmm... I'm guessing that the demographic bell-curve for swingers is pretty close to the X-axis for folks who are pushing 60. It's not a life conducive to long living, so I'm not sure you're going to get an adequate sample size from which to draw conclusions. Maybe better to look for someone who realizes that swinging is awfully icky & who's smart enough to figure that out in something under 5 & a half decades...

It has little to do with being a swinger. It has to do with being a dishonest, immoral woman who behaves like a skank. She is not marriage material. Any person who is a project should be abandoned. Please believe me when I say this relationship is doomed.

Yes, it will hurt for a short while. But only long enough to meet someone who is a decent, enjoyable person.

I know, I know. Everybody is right about this!! But it's going to hurt A LOT. And if she isn't the right woman , how will I ever be able to pick the right one? If I were to do it all over again, I would still pick her above anybody else. Because, on the face of it, she is perfect for me. She is 54 (looks 44)has a masters degree, does things in bed, that other women only read books about. I mean she bought me a $4,000 Antique Colt revolver, just because I saw it and said I liked it. Who does that? When we are together, she is absolutely attentive, will do anything (and I mean ANYTHING)I say, and thinks I'm the greatest man ever. This last year has been the best I've had since my wife and I were still in love. If she's a skank, she's a rich , beautiful, and sexy one, that's for sure.

Look, before last weekend, I was talking to a buddy of mine, and I described her as the "total package".

Call your buddy and tell him what you know now, that she is a skankho and a liar. Tell him you caught her in bed with some guy. Ask all your friends if they think she is the "total" package now? Ask your doctor if she is the total package when you get your STD testing.

Call your children and ask their opinion too. Do they want her in the family?

Melody, you make good points, thanks for trying to help and not criticize. I will be seeing her tomorrow night, and will hear what she has to say, but it doesn't look too hopeful. Even if she did all she says she will do, can I ever forget this weekend? Probably not. I'm going to bed now so thanks to all of you who have given me some help.

I'm going to bed, but I most likely won't be getting much sleep.

Just one question
How do you really know that she and her ex husband was swingers
and had a supposed open marriage?

Could it be that the hotel clown dude,was her thing on the side?
that ended her marriage. Am asking because couple�s that are swingers.

They NEVER have secrets. But apparently she had secret only for you.
makes no sense

So how much do you really know about her?

Someone who tries to buy affection and romantic love, rather than earn it and work at it.

Bob, when you are together she is absolutely attentive, and when she is with the next guy, it sounds like she is the same.

You are not unique. She is a player. This woman sounds skilled at meeting a man's EN's in the short term. But there is a vast difference between meeting a man's ENs in the short term (whilst her needs are being met), and being COMMITTED to meeting a man's ENs in the long term so her needs continue to be met. Fidelity is part of that. And she has shown she can't be faithful after just a year... this is NOT marriage material.

BTW, why did she never tell you about this "swinging" lifestyle. Why did you have to discover it as you did?

What else is she concealing?

She buys you nice things but there's a catch, she likes to sleep with other men. Really FarmerBob, I would expect that from a na�ve 18 year old girl...? You're a 60 year old man, you should know better than to fall in love with a "Sugar Mama" who spreads her sugar around to others.

Its not about this weekend. It's about who she really is.

FarmerBob, your best chance for happiness is to turn your lunch meetings with your XW into dates.

I would start doing everything you can to win her back. It's quite literally your best option. Although I would certainly understand if your XW has no interest whatsoever.

I am a BS whose WH had a ONS early in our marriage and didn't tell me about it for over a decade (of course, I don't think I asked...). And it destroyed us from the inside out, him never being able to look me in the eye or engage me out of guilt for what he had done, and me knowing there was something secret but never knowing what it was. I have found your comments about your ONS and its affect on your former marriage to be very minimalizing, and I am simply pointing out that by doing this, you do not GROW from the experience and apply a new and better set of rules to your next relationship, if there is one.

If you take everyone's good advice and leave this relationship, you will move on, and you seem to be a decent guy who is really looking for love. You can read up on and embrace the MB principles, such as Radical Honesty, and learn how the lack of them may have contributed to the destruction of your first marriage, and to this current relationship. And you can also learn from those principles to apply them to future relationships to make them better than you have ever had.

Bob.
I think you should read His Needs Her Needs and see if you can repair your marriage.
You are divorce and living with a swinger?

I guess you have a choice: Accept that your girlfriend has other sex partners or dump her.

Who asked for the divorce? Were you seein this lady before your divorce? I ask because after reading your thread that's what it sounds like.

You like meeting with your ex wife 2 or 3 times a week and havin sex with this woman.

You ask if swingers change? There's a swinger on this forum right now. He claims to have quit cold turkey. Of course his wife fell in love with her sex partner and now he's trying to win her back.

People that "swing" have NO boundaries and if you want to spend your sunset years trying to fix her then you will have a full time fruitless job.

I would caution you not to be drawn into her lifestyle while you are emotionally distraught. The other poster I reference did exactly that to his swinging wife after she caught him having an affair (although like with your girlfriend they've probably had dozens of partners and you only know about this Dallas guy). But he talked her into swinging. Years later, they are both messed up. DON'T LET HER BRING YOU INTO THAT.