I second that!!!

And I hope the noggin's not too sore and that your allegeries subsided. HATE allergies.

Glad things are going well. I'm sure you were the belle of the ball!

omgosh, the ball was great! despite all the mishaps (photographer didn't show up {pulled another out of a hat}, entertainment co brought the bucking bull rather than the pink pig, etc). the kids all had a great time, and the cotton candy maker was a hit! *everyone* rode the bull, even the girls! and the headmaster was so impressed with my work he's decided to have the ball at this venue (rather than our hall) from now on :O) much easier for the organiser. the decorations were fabulous, the band was great, and the specially imported-from-auckland DJ went over well with the boys. the best part was seeing them out the door - the number of boys who thanked me for a good night.

H looked *very* sexy. he wasn't keen on wearing a tux & tie, so i russell-crowed him with a round-necked black shirt under the jacket. with his neat hair and shaved face, he looked delicious. he said i scrubbed up pretty good too . and my ball gown fit just fine (although perhaps a little too much boob on display, despite my wrap. you just can't hide those suckers {haha i made a pun!}).

today has been a pajama day. my allergies have settled into my chest and i coughed all night, so it looks like a double-dip in the spa today (for the steam, uh huh). and i've lined up another teacher to take my 7am scholarship class tomorrow morning for a little extra sleep.

i was very good - ate two tiny lamb burgers (bite size; only half the bun) and only had a bite of the cotton candy.

i feel so relieved - now that my public speakers have done their exams, and the ball is finished, i finally get time back in my day to do actual work! the second half of the year has arrived so quickly, and spring is in the air - hooray!

ps: i was going to wear some false eyelashes last night, and found my eyelash glue had all dried up in the tube! bummer!

The ball sounds absolutely fabulous!!! I'm sure your H appreciated your gown - ESPECIALLY the "spillage," lol.

I've thought about trying false eyelashes since mine seem to be thinning lately with the whole over 40 thing. I'm used to putting them on others, but I've never put them on myself! When my daughter was in competitive cheer they'd sometimes wear them and I put them on the girls.

today was our mid-term break (yes, 1 day), and i'm finally feeling recovered from the ball, after sleeping till 10am, lol. got my nails done and went to the osteopath for my back. my speech students did very well in their exams also - very proud of them, especially the four new ones!

H and i are doing well. yesterday we reviewed our ENs, which have shifted somewhat. we both have affection as #1 atm, so discussed more specifically how to meet them. he's been doing very, very well; i am so proud of him, and tell him often how much i enjoy being with him and how he's treating me AND our M. starting our conversations about nearly everything with "how would you feel about..." is so freeing! at first the POJA seems so difficult, especially if you have been IB for such a long time. but now it seems more natural, though even i have to remember from time to time!

i was getting very down about the SF thing. reading UWs postings over the last few days also helped with the freaking out, because i was starting to want to avoid SF (i can't believe i just said that). however, by keeping my blood sugar in the 5-6 range, i think that vavoom is coming back!!! am SO excited (if you'll pardon the pun)! i expect SF will be back in the #1 slot shortly, if the blood sugar stays constant in that green sector. UW, i've been thinking about your posts, and haven't been able to come up with a reasonable sounding reply, so have avoided it altogether for now, sorry!

just baked some toll house cookies - well, kinda toll house. substituted wheat flour & oatmeal for the flour, agave for both sugars, carob for chips, and added some walnuts. we'll see how they taste when they cool. they look very cake-y, and the batter was quite thin, so i'm a little worried, but it's a trial and error process. the banana bread is quite tasty with a dash of cinnamon added (no sugar), and H doesn't even notice i used the wheat flour!

and that's the news from this end. hope everyone else is working steadily and feeling like they're getting somewhere.

NB: just tried the cookies. they taste ok, very cake-like, not very sweet. but no chocolate flavour! the carob chips i used were very tiny. perhaps i didn't put enough in. ah well.

Would your H be in enthusiastic accordance with this assessment?

Men...I swear!!!!

So good to hear an update, Letty, and that things are going so well.

You know what? My H and I are getting ready to redo our questionnaires AGAIN too. This will be like the 3rd time in a little less than 2 years. BUT.. that's OK. I asked for it because I feel our needs have shifted too. I feel a bit restless lately and I think it's because I need different things right now - while I'm going through all these treatments for my neck/back. I don't think we need to redo all of them, but we really do need to discuss how we can do a better job during this time. It's not just about me wanting different things, but not wanting to feel anxious that I'm not doing a good job of meeting his needs in this time as well.

SO: good for you for recognizing when you need to reevaluate!

It's also good that you can see the correlations between your libido and your blood sugar levels and all that. While not always fun, education about these things really is where you have to start.

I was interested to hear how your cookies turned out... interesting! More carob!!! LOL.

I need to start playing with some of my own favorite recipes.

Did you get the ground flax seed? I swear it makes me feel so much better! My brother says it's the boost in Omega 3's as well as all the other stuff.

lol, HHH, he would have been more enthusiastic about MORE boob, but it is a boys' school, after all!

ugh, i'd better get this out. i did something wrong yesterday. i am mostly writing this for the benefit of newer MB posters, so they know it's not all fine sailing!

last night H was nagging me, again, about smoking. "how many fags did you have TODAY? more than 5? less than 10? a pack?" it really gets on my nerves, because OW was a SMOKER! and i bet it didn't slow him down one little bit.

so finally, i turned off all distractions and said, "i want to ask you something, but don't think i should. however, it is really bothering me."

he said, "is it about 6 years ago?"

i said, "5 years ago . yes." and he said ok.

so i said, "why do you pester me about smoking so much, when, back then, it apparently didn't bother you." (obscure, i know.)

and he said, "maybe because i care about you more. i love you and cancer will kill you."

so, i hugged him and thanked him for being so concerned about my health (which he might have thought about before bringing this mess into our home, which is WHY I FRICKEN SMOKE! but whatever...).

i also promised i would give up (shortly). then...

he sighed, and said, "i suppose you'll still be going on about this in 10 years time."

red flag to a bull, my friends. however, i swallowed it, and said that hurt, and wasn't at all fair. he then apologized. and we talked it out (a conversation! about personal stuff! wow!). and then everything was fine. and things have been just fine today. he's been affectionate and loving, so i guess the talk went well.

but - i know, i should have just sucked it up and said NOTHING! but, nobody's perfect, and i'm certainly nowhere near. just one of the stumbling blocks on the road to recovery.

Actually, what he said to you was a disrespectful judgment (telling you about your state of mind). An appropriate response is something along the lines of, "Honey, that comment hurt. I'd love it if you would not tell me what I'm going to do."

Just to add to Door's comment (which I totally agree with) ...

You don't have to suck up anything in recovery. I think that's the hard part of the "not bringing up the A/triggers" deal - learning to boil your thoughts down to where you make it about you - about the present - and not about mistakes of the past. It seems so unfair when you think, "What? I have to suck everything up and (s)he doesn't ever have to hear about it again?!!!"

When you put it in the context of, "What's best for our marriage is to not bring up bad memories. How can I best convey what's bothering me and what I need from my spouse now without doing that," it's a lot less unfair. And...not the same as sucking it up - which would cause resentment.

Tricky, I know.

How to have rephrased the entire conversation? Hmmm... lets brainstorm on that a bit. How about, "It bothers me when you nag me about smoking. I know I should quit; I'm trying to address one health concern at a time and lately I have been concentrating on my diet first, since the diabetes is a big concern. It doesn't seem to bother you that other people smoke, so why me?"

Then, you could have sat down and POJA'd your quitting smoking - and how he could help.

I'm sure you realize the other comment would not have even occurred had you not mentioned 5 years ago.... but, it is what it is.

We ALL make mistakes. If you make one little one in recovery, no one's going to club you. Besides, you've already clubbed yourself. LOL

Just realize that bringing up the A backfires big time when you're looking to feel better about something. Often when we want to lash out about it or about triggers it's because we feel hurt and lashing out seems like it will make us feel better; it just makes things worse. Oh, short term it might feel good to get that dig in - but it does not make the marriage better - and that's our goal here.

My tongue has many holes in it from biting it



On another note, I have been a smoker for many years. Kiss doesn't like it either (and his skank was a smoker as well).
I recently ordered an electronic cigarette to help me get off the cancer-causing ones. I'll let you know what I think

Maybe you can get some piercings for those holes, RQ!!! They'd be like gold stars on kids' homework - a reward for doing good.

Sometimes he just gives me that opening, you know?? It's hard not to take it. LOL

Yes, I DO know!!!!!!! Been there...
LOL

hi DNM. just wanted to make it clear that i should have said nothing about the smoking. wasn't sure if your reply referred to that or the response to the 10 years thing!

RQ - let me know what you think. i know someone here who has one too, and she's a much heavier smoker than i. will have to give her a call and see how it's going. and i agree - one problem at a time, geez!

now, rings for those holes...i made the mistake of googling some piercings i read about, and boy, that was an eye opener! you could get something really fancy! just don't get carried away and put them anywhere else - those looked painful.

hi all. it's been a couple of weeks, but i've been lurking about. everything is going well - heaps of UA time, RC, IC, and sf.

however, the sf problem for me is at an all-time high. it's like nothing exists below my head, and even that doesn't entertain any sexual thoughts. i'm tired of being numb. NOTHING works. after much thought, i've decided it's the ADs, and i stopped taking them as of yesterday. i simply cannot live without sf, and was multi-o before i started taking them (6 months ago), and now think of sex not at all, though i make very sure to see that H gets it, with variety. he's not too happy about it, but i told him straight up how important it is to me that i meet this need for him, and that i will catch up later! plus, i want to maintain the no-masturbating. that has been terrific, and i can't wait to reap the benefits once the ADs have left my system!

so, am hoping that this will turn the trick, so to speak. it's been really depressing, and i realise that for the last few months, happy or sad, i've just felt nothing. that's no good. and i don't think i need to be on them now anyway, so out they go!

i only wish my regular dr were here. he's gone to the UK for a year, and i don't wish to have to fill in the replacement with all the background (you know, having to start a whole new relationship). plus, i think (haha, shouldn't do this!) that he'd focus on my other health problems rather than the sf.

the other health things have been going ... ok. i admit to having cheated a lot on the new eating plan in the last 2 weeks, but am back to the new normal. my sugar never went over 8.2, which is still not bad. unfortunately, that only encouraged me to add little bits of sugar in, but rereading the corresponding health problems has helped swing me back to the proper eating plan, with just a once a week treat.

and...that's all i've got!

RQ, have you tried the electronic ciggies? i've really cut down, but seem to have a persistent cough after my last allergy attack :O(

and how is unwritten doing? haven't seen her around much since she went on vacation. hope all is ok there.

Letty, I was on anti-anxiety meds a few years ago - really very small dose. I had no idea of the possible sexual side effects, but I noticed after a couple of weeks of being on them that my ability to o completely fizzled away. I simply could not go "over the top," so to speak. I pulled out the info sheet and saw that it was a very possible side effect. Under the doctor's guidance, I cut back on the meds until I was taking a really tiny dose (used a pill cutter.) That solved the problem, while also controlling the anxiety. I've been off those completely for a couple of years.

Was tested last week for a couple of things and found out today that my testosterone level is indeed low, so I'll be going to the doc in a couple of weeks to discuss testosterone therapy. If I was single, I wouldn't bother, but I want great SF with some of that old zing. I never have sexual dreams anymore, lost that lovely tingly feeling years ago, even though I love SF with my H and he certainly does all he can.

SF isn't one of my top five ENs, but I still enjoy it very much. My lowered libido and the fact that's it a lot of work for me to achieve an o hasn't diminished our love life, but it would sure be more fun if everything worked the way it used to when I was younger.

Take care going off your meds; the doctors usually recommend tapering off so it doesn't upset your body.

Unwritten is good. Not a lot new to report as we just got back from a LONG vacation, and for any of you who live in FL HOW do you handle that heat!!! Good grief bring on the snow baby!

Our UA time and meeting critical need time is suffering BADLY, and we have some major discussions to do about where to head from here. Before vacation we talked about the online program, counseling with SH, etc. and we need to get that going to get back on track (or get off the tracks, if thats what we decide, IDK). But just got back this week and then school started and its been SO busy all week. We were supposed to have a date night last night and were both really looking forward to it, but one of the kids decided to 'run away' (he hid in the back yard for 3 hours) and was really having a meltdown that lasted all night, he has some issues...We don't feel comfortable leaving when he is like that so our date night went to he77 in a handbasket. Very frustrating. Sometimes I wonder how anyone with little kids, especially if you have a rather difficult one which we do, has a good relationship.

I'll update my own thread next week when we have some time to figure out where we're going and have something to report. Right now there's just a lot of nothing going on (and I mean, nothing, if you get my drift...but I have vowed to not keep complaining about that...)

Sorry to hear about all your health issues and this latest one with regards to SF, but I think it is great that you have such a positive commitment to filling that need.