*warning, the following is absolute postulation, and in no manner should be taken as a demonstration of psychic powers or communication with the dead*

The story brought on this; the thought that someone appeared to be doing something that demonstrated a lack of integrity, yet that was not the case, and this person has retained their integrity.

In other words, the flow of thought may have been; "This guy appeared to be fooling around, but he was not. I can't make that statement about myself."

------


My W posted here for a short time... and used to read it daily.

However, this became a daily reminder of the havoc a handful of horrible choices, and a cornucopia of lies put forth into our lives.

What was even harder for her to face, is the occasional appearance of people who are on the narrow cusp of full-on betrayal.

It made her nuts to look and see someone on the edge of the mistake she made who had enough sense to stop for one second - like a flash in time - to cry out for help and say "I know what I am doing is wrong, how do I stop!?!?"

Good 'ol hindsight.


It's like going to a horror movie and listening to the people yell at the screen.

"DON'T GO THROUGH THAT DOOR! THE MONSTER IS THERE! IT'S GONNA KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL YOU!!!!


And at the same time, they wish in hindsight that they had that opportunity for themselves.


I know that I am, for sure, not envious of that position.

I agree with HHH's assessment. The one thing that surprises me is how it bothers my H more than it does me when infidelity stuff pops up now.

I can totally relate to your comment, MSS, that you would rather see your wife with some emotion over this rather than just being a stone. I have felt that way too, at times. I think it just boils down to the fact that many times a FWS have to be that stone in order to not crumble under the weight of what they did.
I used to see it has "uncaring" when we were first in recovery but I came to change my mind about it. It is because H cared that he *had* to become that stone.

I got a bday email from OMW this week. After her poison laden anniversary letter in May where among a lot of bull doo doo she suggested we never have contact again and I concurred, it came as a somewhat of surprise.

I say somewhat because she was always good at remembering birthdays and I in truth in my endless mind wanderings while driving for work I sometimes envisioned how I would respond to a bday "hello". Probably because I felt my watered down reply to her treatise she sent on the Yr 1 anniversary was not a sufficient 'setting things straight' retort. My wife asked me to not send the ferocious reply I had crafted. Cooler heads (my wife's) prevailed and I sent a simple 'have a nice life'.

Again today I wrote up a fairly toxic email more or less telling her to drop dead. Ive have 4 months to get my thoughts clear and although I had to concur with what she wrote in about 15% of her email, I had to show her 85% was excrement.

Most of her email was directed at my W and justifiably so but she also took time to rip me apart. She also place virtually all of the blame of the affair on my wife. She made no mention of the 2nd woman on her husband phone bj'ing him in another set of videos. I had to ask her about this stuff.

It was a cathartic experience. Made me feel great.

I told my wife about the OMW bday email. I told her about my intended response.

She asked me to ignore her email. So I did and deleted it without sending it.

and sorry for the email from OMW.

What about blocking her?

Thanks.

Blocking her wouldnt be prudent as its best to keep some form of communication if she gets the feeling her deviant may be looking for action. (Which I think is inevitable.)

Severed animal head in her bed? I think I saw that in a movie once...

At this point if you are sure your FWW would not EVER have anything to do with this POSOM again (and it has always sounded like that is the case), I would say blocking OMW and getting rid of that toxic trigger would be a better option than keeping her around just in case.

And happy birthday.

Hope you have (had?) a great birthday, Mike!

I would lean towards blocking the email too. Do you really think it is inevitable that POSOM will try and contact your wife?

I have no worries about him contacting my wife for several reasons. The first being how they got caught, namely secretly videoing my wife doing him, was fairly damaging to an already damaged relationship and that was the death knell of it. Next, I made it clear to him that any form of contact from him to her would be very bad for him.

Im convinced he'll go looking for other action elsewhere and if OMW feels this I want to just want to tell her that it aint my wife.

Also if the call comes from the OMW that she suspects her WH is at it again the BH can make sense why his WW is acting off again. So both sides can warn each other.

Instead of them going NC, I call it SC, suspended contact, the BS's have exchanged all useful info and there is no longer any need for contact so the go SC. Because there can be a future need to verify that each other's WS maybe on the hunt again.

Just to find out that is it the old AP's restarting the old PA, or has one AP started with a new AP. Helps jump start the investigation.

But if Mike has already asked her not to contact him again, and she continues to in a triggering and even hostile way it sounds, then it seems to be less of a helpful contact and more of a hinderance to recovery, doesn't it?

If Mike has faith his FWW would never start up this relationship again, and therefore blocks POSOMW (is that a new one, in this case I just can't find it in myself to not add POS in the front for this man bc he really seems like one), and then POSOM DOES go on the prowl again, who cares if she thinks it might be with Mike's W if its NOT. I don't think its his job to help convince her its not in that case, its his job to recover and protect his own M.

I totally see the reason for having the AP's BS as a long term affiliate for the 'just in case' but that doesn't seem like a high liklihood here and it seems like more damage is done than is avoided by this contact. So, I see both sides. Its up to Mike based on how well he trusts the situation, I guess.

Unwritten,

POSOMW

I'm not sure it's fair to call OMW a POSOMW, from all of Mikes descriptions, OM is a manipulative person who uses and abuses people for his own entertainment much like a cult leader.

I've seen many persons like OM who are charming and slowly take over every aspect of their victims lives, convincing them to do things they would otherwise not do of their own free will, and against their upbringing and morals.

In a sense it was not OMW who wrote that but a automaton writing for OM.

God Bless
Gamma

Oh I meant it as POSOM's BW, not that OMW was a POS...LOL. This is why creating acronyms should be left to the professionals.

But, as far as OMW. I can totally understand how the human mind, even that of an adult, is easily twisted by a manipulator. But, I always hate to give adults an excuse for their behavior. The communication has come from HER not HIM and she should be held accountable for it.

And if she is so twisted by him and is speaking on behalf of him, then she is toxic to be in contact with, IMO.

Just want Mike to do what is best for his own recovery, getting this entire family as far away from him and his lovely W as possible seems like the best answer, to me.

Few have described my wife's LTA partner as accurately as this. Except for my wife.

And, to read that his wife a year after watching 25+ videos of him getting serviced by 2 different women now blames the woman fully, your post is very salient.

He has a svengali-type effect on his women. My wife was caught up in all the nice thing he did for her, and paid for her. His wife, however, is an earner herself so monetary things were not a major factor, but she is incapable of doing things for herself so after a lot years of marriage, he did everything for them even the most menial of tasks like food shopping. (This made my wife very jealous, by the way.) And, he got off on providing and doing thing for all his girls, too.

So, when I read her email in May, I was impressed that it only took him a year to convince his wife that his multiple LTA's were not of his doing. And, she is so convinced she put it in writing.

I agree with this!

It has nothing to do with mikes faith in his WW.
History on MB has shown that some affairs do restart.
The odds may be very high in mikes favor that a restart won't happen. But whether 1:100 or even 1:1,000,000 there is the chance things can go bad.

All it takes is for a BH to get sloppy in verifying NC. Combine the WW becoming aware she is not being monitored well and her life hits a low spot, wham it's game on again.

Remember a WW hid her affair well the last time will be able to keep her BH off the scent again. A heads up from the OMW/OWH (depending)can give the BH/BW a much needed wake up call.

I agree about the 'faith' part and didn't mean to suggest he rely on faith alone. Just that in this particular sitch, where the OMW is very toxic, continues to reach out to him in a toxic way, and may very well be the puppet behind the puppeteer of the POSOM, then it is really more weighing the risk of not allowing contact with her vs the risk of allowing it. Is the risk of option 1 worth the risk of the continued toxic pokes. In this sitch I think not, but that is just my opinion.

The Omw has not continually reached out to me. Didn't think I construed that. Her anniversary letter to us was toxic but it was one of only 2 or 3 contacts she's made to us since dday. Her bday note to me was her only contact since the anniversary letter and was nothing but cordial. My w was not copied on that either.

I deleted her email and no reply sent per my w wishes.

Also, my wife called omw crazy and I should ignore her. A younger me, like me a year ago, would have taken the opp to remind her she was screwing Omw's husband in omw's bed for several years and that tends to make someone mad.

But I didn't go there. Ive grown.

I have not grown because I would of pointed out that WW look you were banging OM for years in OMW bed, that is going to make OMW unhinged and spouting all kinds of anger towards you.

WW, do you think that the OMW should get down on her hands an knees, kiss your [censored], and apologize to you for her wanting you to end your affair with her WH would be an appropriate reaction? Is this what you want the OMW to do?

WW, do you think that the OMW should get down on her hands an knees, kiss your [censored], and apologize to you for her wanting you to end your affair with her WH would be an appropriate reaction? Is this what you want the OMW to do?

TR, every once in a while the suspicion develops that you've slipped off your medication...again!

Please take adequate care of yourself, okay?

The OMW should not be stalking his WW. But if this WW wants to get mad at this OMW for being a third person in her marriage she has no right to complain at the OMW's anger. For this WW made herself a third party in the OMW marriage and the OM a third party into her on marriage.

This WW made herself a third party twice over what the OMW did.
This WW turned what was an ok marriage, or a passable marriage for the OMW into a daily nightmare for this BW.

MSS's WW had the fun of her affair. Is now getting the benefits of a MB recovered marriage, and wants to be pissed off at the OMW.

This is not about meds. And I support MSS and his using MB and recovering his marriage.

I don't support his WW having no compassion for the OMW.