Okay, she may have finally gotten the message that you are/were her best hope for a happy future. Well, good for her.

(Personally, I would make her whole on the $50K, somehow. I'd not want to have that hanging around my neck moving forward.)

You need not "hate" her. You probably should pity her mental construct that supported her ugly lifestyle. If you still regard her with some degree of positivity(?), you might suggest she sign up here, and actually start her own thread. It would not be geared to reuniting you two, but educating her on what would be expected if she were to find a "permanent" partner in the future.

And your education is likely still incomplete, as well. Have you firmly learned the pros and cons of being a "renter" versus a "buyer"?

She doesn't think so. Any woman who is a swinger, doesnt value herself much except for what approval she can get from random men.

And she's made her self-fulfilling prophecy come true. When a man really knows who she is, (when she isnt doing her Miss Perfect act) who WOULD want her?



Logically Bob, that's not much of a surprise is it?

She was with a nice man, in a nice place and her plan to win you over with saccharine sweetness and light was working. Of course she was happy. Not happy enough to be faithful to you, but for someone like her - yeah I'd say she was pretty happy.

All her 'giving' EN meeting and denying her self a say in the relationship so far was to butter you up for this very moment. So you would forgive whatever crap she pulled on you. Is that going to work?

Thank you. I could not help myself and had to make a play on the line in the movie Cabin Boy as soon as I read FB's post.

She is a "buyer" alright, a "buyer" of love, attention, self-esteem. I think this woman is clearly someone who puts on a front of being an empowered confident powerhouse business woman but is actually a desperate little girl on the inside.

Just adding that swingers don't have the mental/emotional capability for attachment, which is a necessity for a mature long term relationship.

You are lucky to be out. These women prey on volunarable men.

FB,

The problem with swinging is that it is a lifestyle,a community and can be addicting. From what I've read and from my indirect experience, with a couple friend of ours, they believe they are improving their marriages, are respectful of other swinger boundries, follow safe sex and find fulfilment of needs that ordinary members of society cannot.

There is someone who posts here who lost his WW to this lifestyle, and to my knowledge he has never condemned the swinger lifestyle itself and still has respect for the people in it.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...&Number=2658883&nt=48&page=1

If this is what she does to you before you are married when many are in the happiest phase of your relationship, what will she do when your relationship fades? Personally I would
be scared of what would happen were you incapacitated for few months.

One other point, are you really sure she is as financially secure as she appears? I ask that because conmen/women can put on a great front using multiple credit cards, or rob from one victim to impress the next one, it's only too late that you discover they are as broke as a joke.

God Bless
Gamma

I did reimburse her for her cash outlay, as I never wanted it or asked for it, in the first place.

She calls me , all of the time. She has asked friends and even members of my own family, to intercede on her behalf. She BEGS!!!! I have never had anyone beg me for anything, before. I have literally spent more time rejecting her, than on my business, for the last few days and it's very stressful. I'm awake now , when I should be sleeping. Funny , when she was here with me, I never had any trouble falling asleep. How can something that feels so good, turn out so bad? she is soooooo beautiful. I mean Halle Berry beautiful. Wicked Beautiful. ** is the matter with me? I've always had goodlooking women, even my ex-wife is a stunner. I really don't give them anything special, I'm not handsome,and I'm not rich by any means, but they seem to flock around like pidgeons. I just told the GF it was over, and a woman from the Bank called me this evening asking me to come over for a homecooked meal. Do I have, "stupid **", written on my forehead? It amounts to truth in advertising. I KNOW I can get any woman I want, so why can't the woman I want, be what she claimed to be, in the first place? Myabe I should call my GF to come over and spend the rest of the night? That way , at least , I cold have some sex and get some sleep? But then I would be no better than her. You know, you would think that at 60, this would be easier. I should probably delete this message, but **edit** maybe it will help others, by illustrating what NOT to do.

I know I'm rambling, but it's late, and I'm lonesome and miss my gf, terribly.

It's up to you to set boundaries - tell your family what you walked in on and that she is a swinger - guarantee she will not call back.

Change your contact details, advise all friends and family members you aren't interested in hearing messages. At all. Hunker down for a few weeks of the worst of the pain and sleeplessness or take a trip.

She has a tight grip and cares not about respecting your wishes.

Do I have, "stupid **", written on my forehead? It amounts to truth in advertising.

Great! It's 6:45am here, and I'm burdened with cleaning snorted coffee off my screen!

On a more serious note, FB, what exactly did you want from this, or the next, relationship?

If you want a wife, then look at women that have the potential to fill that role. (I doubt the recent, rejected candidate ever impressed you as "wife" material, at least you didn't take action in that vein.)

I told you earlier - You have no reason to "hate" her. As other folks have made clear, she was an applicant who failed the interview (maybe, intern) process. You should consider using the line that HR professionals do: "It has been a pleasure interfacing with you. I'm sorry, but we have no need for someone with your talents and qualifications at the present time. If our needs change in the future, we will contact you at the number you gave us. Good luck in your future endeavors!"

The one that gets away always need to be pursued. It is not you, it is the game for her.

Stay away!

When I got to work, this morning, there was a manila envelope for me from my Ex-GF. It was a 10-page letter giving her complete sexual history, and Geez, it was pretty gruesome reading. It listed every person (male or female) she has had sex with, what they did (pretty much everything) and the number of times they did it. It even told WHERE it happened. From virginity to the present day. She also gave me the Phone #'s of her ex-husband, Dallas Guy, and several of her swinger partners, so I could compare notes. She says she is willing to take a lie-detector test, and enter individual therapy, wwith a counselor of my choosing, if I will give her ONE chance. I know it's probably a mistake, but I agreed to give her a face-to-face meeting.

Yes.
She has probably been sexually active with multiple partners since early teenage years.
The issue is that you have fewer years left than you did younger in life.
This is a lifestyle for her. Like drinking water is a habit for many.
How can someone quit drinking water? It's not as simple as her saying I will transform into the pretend wife you want me to be.

Now there ARE people that leave the sex swinging/ orgy lifestyle and live healthy lives. I'm not saying it can't be done.

But what do you want? marriage builders is to build marriages. You are in what Dr Harley refers to as a renter relationship.

Interestingly most women that are introduced to swinging later participate in same sex activity. The statistic is in the 90 percentile.
So I wouldn't be too surprised about that revelation

Comes down to what effort you want to expend and what risk you want to take here FB.

If I were dating and fell in love with someone, and then found out they were hiding a deep seated lifelong drug addiction from me, I would think long and hard about sticking around to try and help them climb the very uphill battle to get clean and live a different lifestyle. If I were married, had years invested, shared children, had a life entertwined...sure maybe I would stick around to see how serious they were about cleaning up their act. But dating? You already said women seem to flock to you for some reason...why attempt to climb this incredibly uphill battle when a beautiful, well adjusted woman WITHOUT the baggage of a lifelong addiction of sorts could be right around the corner. You've shared 2, sounds like good years but you are 60 so you know that is a drop in the bucket of life, with this woman. Not much of an investment.

Could she change? Sure, and to me it sounds like she intends to. But, that does not mean she will be able to, she is giving up a lifestyle that she has been involved with for a very long time. And it does not mean it will not come without a major uphill climb on her part and yours, and with a high risk of failure. Are you up for that, for a woman you have had in your life 2 years? I know I would not be.

I tell my daughter: boys are like buses, if you miss one the next one will come along in 5 minutes. Switch boys to women and it sounds like this has been your experience in life, so you might want to just let this one pass by and catch the next one.

Drop her like a box of rocks, FarmerBob. Tell her you enjoyed your relationship but that you think both of you should see other people. I would advise talking to your attorney about how to handle the business/property/financial dealings. When she figures out she's actually spurned, she might try to recover that $50k.

I recently cut off with extreme prejudice 3 friendships with people of the opposite sex. I didn't even think any of us were that close. Since than all THREE of them have gone out of their way to contact me: one had her best friend add me on FB and track me down; another found a way to get around an FB block to send me a message; and the third relayed messages to me via family.

It's nuts dude. Run away!!!

Also FB, if you DO decide to take her back. Don't forget this isn't just about her swinging/sexual lifestyle, it is about the fact that she had a SSL and was cheating on you. If you have any hope of protecting yourself from this in the future, order the book SAA, read and implement the procedures in that book. Yes it was meant for marital affairs, of which yours is not. But with a lifestyle like your gf has been leading, all of the same things will apply in terms of boundaries, setting EP's, etc. If she truly wants to recover from this and be faithful to you THIS is the only way, to create a transparent lifestyle that makes it impossible for her to continue to live in the manner she has been.

When you meet her face to face, if you are contemplating letting her back in your life, creating a transparent lifestyle should be a drop dead deal breaker. This would include no traveling, no nights apart, no opposite sex friends, to name a few. If she is unwilling to do any of those things, she is not serious and you need to let that bus pass on by.

But, I must say I am impressed with her memory. A woman who can give that kind of detail, at your age, after a lifelong lifestyle that included swinging and risque sexual behaviors...IDK when I say it out loud it actually kinda doesn't add up.

We have WS's on here all the time that struggle to remember details about ONE A much less a lifetime of sexual encounters.

If she isn't filling you full of crap she has a wicked good memory.