You're right. And I woke up this morning feeling like I was the one who made the monumental relationship mistake, because I did. No matter what she did, it does not condone my actions. And it won't happen again. We're out of here tomorrow. And I am going to work on getting back to my laid back disposition. I have never displayed the kind of rage I did last night, and don't ever plan on it again. I didn't even have it the moment I found out. Not like that. It's like I just let everything build and it just all came out and I lost control. I have cried this morning because of what I have done, and I'm not one to cry. I made a bad situation worse.

hugs to you, my friend. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{rrr}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry for your grief. Can you please consider going to the doctor and getting on ADs for the time being? They can be very valuable in getting you through the worst parts.

Perfect. And can you arrange for a family member or friend to take care of business at your home on your behalf?

I will definitely do that. That's a great idea.

her mom is going to take care of things for us. She has been very supportive.

YES!!

Dr. Harley was advising AD's to both the WW and BH temporarily while they are going through the rough time.

I can link it if you like.

Glad to hear that y'all are getting out of the house, rrr. You guys should try to do something nice this weekend.

And this just gave me a good idea of how I can use this weekend to deposit to the love bank, that I assure you I withdrew from last night. When she ended the affair, a month before I had proof, she had all but stopped drinking, finally realizing the damage it was causing, and what it led to. Instead of focusing on the negatives this weekend, maybe I'll take her out and give her credit for controlling her addiction, which was going to eventually end our marriage, affair or not. So in an essence she took a step to save it.

Well, here's your clean slate, your second chance to get this right, so to speak.

Both of you make the most of it!

Rrr, when you say take her out, you don't mean to take her out for a drink, do you?

No, dinner. Maybe an evening cruise on the lake.

Sounds wonderful! Can you swing a whole weekend without the kids? Would that be possible?

P.s one of the most critical steps of recovery is restoring the romantic love to your marriage. You achieve that by getting 20 hours per week of undivided attention time, meeting the top 4 intimate emotional needs of affection, conversation, rec companionship and sexual fulfillment. This means instead of a date "night', you have date "nights." I would start working on getting that set up now. And here is why you must do this. In order to make the pain of the past fade, you need to make the present GREAT. If not, your resentment will grow.

This weekend we have my sons birthday party, so instead of 2, we'll have 5 kids Saturday night. lol. But that is coming. I have talked to her mom to see if she could watch the kids at least one night a weekend for a little while. And maybe she will take them a whole weekend sometime soon. we don't have much money with the forced move, but a little creativity and something different is probably what we need.

Five kids, huh? Yikes! do you think you could get your MIL on line for 3-4 nights out?

When you cannot get out of the house, do something else instead. Watching TV wouldn't count, but you'll need to make a habit out of some "connection" time where you catch up with each other.

Eat all meals at the table. TV is off, no answering the phone.

Set aside 1-hr each afternoon after work before supper and have a cup of coffee and talk about the day's events (we do this). Children have to go elsewhere and cannot interrupt "coffee time" though, initially, you'll have to put your foot down until the habit is set.

Eat lunch together.

Do something together after the kids are in bed.

Write it out if you have to, but make sure you get the time in.

I'm sure she would love it. She is very committed to doing whatever it takes to reconcile. She is further through the book than I am.

The most impactful, fastest way to heal and create a better marriage than you had before is though the UA time. I would start scheduling it so you get into the habit. It is harder to put off time that is scheduled. My DH and I write out our schedule every Sunday for the next week.

Not sure what the natural progression of feelings is for the betrayed spouse, but I have seen a change from the start to now.

After my anger outburst I had after letting everything build, I have been able to contain it since. Not that there isn't any there, but it seems more containable since I let it all out.

We have been away from home, and overall things have been going a little better, but I am still having a hard time shaking the resentment I feel towards her right now.

She has sustained and reassured me she will do anything to have a chance to reconcile our marriage and save our family if I give her the chance.

She goes to work, and has called me anytime she needs to go anywhere. Then comes straight home. Of course that was the case even when this was going on. We were together so often it had to happen on her lunch half hour and twice after I went to bed.

I found a way to track her phone, and everything she has told me is where she has gone. i also now have a friend at her job that is keeping track of her as well. Our friend has also been through this as the betrayed spouse with her relationship that survived and is doing great.

Just not sure how to shake this resentment and stop thinking about what happened. It's not constant, but I think about it several times every day.

We move into a new apartment next Wednesday. We have a place to stay until tomorrow night when we have to go back home and start packing for the move. I'm happy we have something to keep me busy during our short time left back at home, but we have to pack for the move and I have a couple things to do around the house to get it ready to rent October 1st.

It'll diminish with time. The move will certainly help with the triggers.