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Dr. Harley said on a recent radio show, "dating relationships of at least 2 years either end in marriage or end completely".
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Then stop acting like one! Perhaps you can go to another story and be of some help there, because after this post, I will no longer respond to ANY of you posts, Period.
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I think who you marry is up to you, and I don't think anyone is beyond redemption if they really want it.
However Bob, I think you know that whenever she was with you she was always faking. Fake smiles, fake agreements, fake everything.
Buying your love not only with money, but with everything she could fake to get you, too.
She's not a bad person. But she's not radically honest. She will think one thing in her head and say another forever to your face. You'll never know what she's capable of until you catch her at it.
I think she's done such a good job of putting fake coins in your lovebank, that you just don't want to let go of what you think is riches. No complaints, no real relationship work. Just sex and smiles.
To give her her due, I think she may have been swayed into waywardism by her H. I feel for the poor lady. But waywards are like addicts and not to be trusted. They're like drunks.
She's been wayward from that day to this. You don't even know what she's like sober, without the A drug in her system to give her that spring in her step. She will be totally different if she gets out of this lifestyle. A stranger.
And FB, you've been encouraged to like the fake act she puts on for you. The one she learned in the company of men who demanded a smiling barbie doll with no problems or down days.
Its commendable you want to be there for her now she IS having a down point, but she is incapable of being anything than a smiling doll around you.
Buying your affections with cash and never uttering a word of complaint. It would be a kindness to let her go so she can heal and find herself.
She can recover, but it will take years of self-work - and I fear she isn't capable of doing it with you, or in this relationship which has never had to stand alone, exclusively. Basically, Indie, I feel that she is as much sinned against as she is a sinner. I talked to her ex-husband this afternoon, and the picture he paints, is of a sexually repressed shrew, who didn't enjoy life until HE brought the "hellcat" out in her by getting her involved in the"lifestyle". He actually bragged about getting her to do things, that she would not have normally done. Then railed at her for giving these same other men more attention than she gave him. What a piece of sh*t he is. Also, Indie, I don't want to give the impression that it's all been laughs and sex, She definitely has bad days and suffers. She has skirted around it but I gather she was assaulted at some point. I am fully aware of what is at stake here, and know that she is a wayward, but so are a LOT of the posters here on MB. I quite simply will not throw her away without listening to what she has to say. When I found out about my ex-wife's issues with her sexuality, I didn't kick her to the curb, either.
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As you can see, some of the posters here know too well the pain of adultery. Adultery that is�not a cheating gf.
You are a free man capable of making your own decisions. As we are.
Some of us here have been married 10+ years with children and had our spouses commit adultery. You had your gf cheat on you. Fair enough. It sucks both ways.
However, what some here are trying to say is that sure, you can try to �fix� her and continue with your relationship. Your call 100%.
Try to embrace a reality where you take your current pain and multiply it by an indefinite number and MAYBE you could relate to a BS on this board. What some here are trying to help you see is that if you do get back together, try to project your life out�say�10-15 years. What..you will be 75?.. You are �in-love�, life seems to be going great then BOOM..you catch her in bed with another man.
Then what? Do you want to put yourself in the position at this point in your life to succeed or fail?
When you are young and you invest in the stock market maybe you can take a higher risk investment knowing it might level itself out over time. When you are 60�is it wise to invest in such high risk investments or go with bonds?
Sex is just sex my man. A woman in LOVE with her man is the best sex partner a person can have. Any woman has the ability to be �all that�. Believe me, I know.
Hey, your call. Your life. 20yearhistory, I appreciate that some of the posters have suffered greatly from infidelity in their marriage. But that doesn't give them license to make belittling comments or insults. I too, had problems in my marriage, but I would never berate somebody I didn't know, because of my own issues.
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Then stop acting like one! Perhaps you can go to another story and be of some help there, because after this post, I will no longer respond to ANY of you posts, Period. I am ok with that, because I know it is only because you are in denial. Hopefully, the fog will wear off at some point and you will listen to more objective viewpoints.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I wanted to also point out that this forum is for saving marriages, not a venue for dating or shack up situations. Dr Harley does not treat them the same as marriage and neither do we. There is a huge difference between being married and shacking up. Harley had a pretty good discussion today about why shacking up is such a bad idea. You might want to listen to the replay.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FB
I would really like to hear the advise you would give to your own son or a friend if they bought a situation like this to you.
Your a renter at best in this R. Do you like the terms of your lease?
Do you see where you have been since you came onto this board? As a renter if I do not like the terms of the lease I am free to walk.
At 53 years of age there is no way I would ever take on baggage like this in a R.
Now if it was past history that would be a different story. That is not the case here and you are living it in your R now.
Why?
nESRE
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Basically, Indie, I feel that she is as much sinned against as she is a sinner. I talked to her ex-husband this afternoon, and the picture he paints, is of a sexually repressed shrew, who didn't enjoy life until HE brought the "hellcat" out in her by getting her involved in the"lifestyle". He actually bragged about getting her to do things, that she would not have normally done. Then railed at her for giving these same other men more attention than she gave him. What a piece of sh*t he is. Also, Indie, I don't want to give the impression that it's all been laughs and sex, She definitely has bad days and suffers. She has skirted around it but I gather she was assaulted at some point. But she was a big girl when he "involved" her in the "lifestyle", right? She CHOSE that 'lifestyle'. Her ex is dirt, I won't disagree. But she's pretty dirty, too. By her own choice. Consider that she likes that lifestyle. I am fully aware of what is at stake here, and know that she is a wayward, but so are a LOT of the posters here on MB. . She's living with someone and fooling around on the side, which is her prerogative. Your refusal to separate married vs. dating/living together is causing you confusion. When I found out about my ex-wife's issues with her sexuality, I didn't kick her to the curb, either. You need to go back to your post and delete this. You were adamant about NOT talking about your ex-wife's issues, and we respected that, and now here you are, bringing them out because it suits you. How conveniently you forget your big stance about not bringing your ex-wife's "issues" into your thread. Not cool. Don't try to manipulate us. It won't work. 
Last edited by maritalbliss; 09/14/12 05:01 PM.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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I think who you marry is up to you, and I don't think anyone is beyond redemption if they really want it.
However Bob, I think you know that whenever she was with you she was always faking. Fake smiles, fake agreements, fake everything.
Buying your love not only with money, but with everything she could fake to get you, too.
She's not a bad person. But she's not radically honest. She will think one thing in her head and say another forever to your face. You'll never know what she's capable of until you catch her at it.
I think she's done such a good job of putting fake coins in your lovebank, that you just don't want to let go of what you think is riches. No complaints, no real relationship work. Just sex and smiles.
To give her her due, I think she may have been swayed into waywardism by her H. I feel for the poor lady. But waywards are like addicts and not to be trusted. They're like drunks.
She's been wayward from that day to this. You don't even know what she's like sober, without the A drug in her system to give her that spring in her step. She will be totally different if she gets out of this lifestyle. A stranger.
And FB, you've been encouraged to like the fake act she puts on for you. The one she learned in the company of men who demanded a smiling barbie doll with no problems or down days.
Its commendable you want to be there for her now she IS having a down point, but she is incapable of being anything than a smiling doll around you.
Buying your affections with cash and never uttering a word of complaint. It would be a kindness to let her go so she can heal and find herself.
She can recover, but it will take years of self-work - and I fear she isn't capable of doing it with you, or in this relationship which has never had to stand alone, exclusively. Basically, Indie, I feel that she is as much sinned against as she is a sinner. I talked to her ex-husband this afternoon, and the picture he paints, is of a sexually repressed shrew, who didn't enjoy life until HE brought the "hellcat" out in her by getting her involved in the"lifestyle". He actually bragged about getting her to do things, that she would not have normally done. Then railed at her for giving these same other men more attention than she gave him. What a piece of sh*t he is. Also, Indie, I don't want to give the impression that it's all been laughs and sex, She definitely has bad days and suffers. She has skirted around it but I gather she was assaulted at some point. I am fully aware of what is at stake here, and know that she is a wayward, but so are a LOT of the posters here on MB. I quite simply will not throw her away without listening to what she has to say. When I found out about my ex-wife's issues with her sexuality, I didn't kick her to the curb, either. Married BSs who are attempting recovery plans are trying to recover their WSs FORMER personality before they turned cheater. The person they used to love. You didn't even know her back then. You aren't trying to recover a former personality. You're trying to get back into the old rental routine where she behaves as fake and wayward as always and gives you everything you want. If you want to rent her for a while longer to get more sex and agreeable smiles, that's your call. But you're going to end up back on the dating scene much older and considerably wiser.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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***********************************EDIT*************************
Last edited by MBsurvivor; 09/14/12 09:38 PM. Reason: TOS profane personal attack
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Then stop acting like one! Perhaps you can go to another story and be of some help there, because after this post, I will no longer respond to ANY of you posts, Period. First thing I just logged on around 11pm. You need to get a mirror. Look into the mirror. See the reflection? That is the only fool here. Melodylane is one of the best here. I'm not going to write a 10 best members list because I know my memory is poor enough that I know I will forget some that should make my top 10 list. What I do know that if every member here was to make a top 10 list Melodylane name would appear on everyones top 10 list.
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***********************************EDIT*************************
Edited by MBsurvivor (12 minutes 1 second ago)
Edit Reason: TOS profane personal attack Hey Bob You graduated! You rented us exclusively for a while. You don't like our terms of the lease. And now your free to walk out. No vows to tie you down. No baggage to drag. Hurray!!! You get it. What a success story!!! Will this apply to your R with your GF?  nESRE
Last edited by nesre; 09/14/12 09:52 PM.
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Exactly Nes!
P.S. I think we have another contestant for the GBCW thread! I'm not married to my cheating GF, and you guys are MEAN for continuing to point that out so I'm taking my toys and going home. And, and I'm gonna tell everybody I know how mean you are!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Good to see you PM
Since this space is now vacant...........
Got any soap? I saw this before it was edited and it would have probably taken a whole bar!
Good idea for GBCW!
I pray you are doing well.
nESRE
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I think who you marry is up to you, and I don't think anyone is beyond redemption if they really want it.
However Bob, I think you know that whenever she was with you she was always faking. Fake smiles, fake agreements, fake everything.
Buying your love not only with money, but with everything she could fake to get you, too.
She's not a bad person. But she's not radically honest. She will think one thing in her head and say another forever to your face. You'll never know what she's capable of until you catch her at it.
I think she's done such a good job of putting fake coins in your lovebank, that you just don't want to let go of what you think is riches. No complaints, no real relationship work. Just sex and smiles.
To give her her due, I think she may have been swayed into waywardism by her H. I feel for the poor lady. But waywards are like addicts and not to be trusted. They're like drunks.
She's been wayward from that day to this. You don't even know what she's like sober, without the A drug in her system to give her that spring in her step. She will be totally different if she gets out of this lifestyle. A stranger.
And FB, you've been encouraged to like the fake act she puts on for you. The one she learned in the company of men who demanded a smiling barbie doll with no problems or down days.
Its commendable you want to be there for her now she IS having a down point, but she is incapable of being anything than a smiling doll around you.
Buying your affections with cash and never uttering a word of complaint. It would be a kindness to let her go so she can heal and find herself.
She can recover, but it will take years of self-work - and I fear she isn't capable of doing it with you, or in this relationship which has never had to stand alone, exclusively. Basically, Indie, I feel that she is as much sinned against as she is a sinner. I talked to her ex-husband this afternoon, and the picture he paints, is of a sexually repressed shrew, who didn't enjoy life until HE brought the "hellcat" out in her by getting her involved in the"lifestyle". He actually bragged about getting her to do things, that she would not have normally done. Then railed at her for giving these same other men more attention than she gave him. What a piece of sh*t he is. Also, Indie, I don't want to give the impression that it's all been laughs and sex, She definitely has bad days and suffers. She has skirted around it but I gather she was assaulted at some point. I am fully aware of what is at stake here, and know that she is a wayward, but so are a LOT of the posters here on MB. I quite simply will not throw her away without listening to what she has to say. When I found out about my ex-wife's issues with her sexuality, I didn't kick her to the curb, either. There is a poster on SAA forum that also talked his wife into this. But we are all responsible for our own actions.
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Then stop acting like one! Perhaps you can go to another story and be of some help there, because after this post, I will no longer respond to ANY of you posts, Period. I am ok with that, because I know it is only because you are in denial. Hopefully, the fog will wear off at some point and you will listen to more objective viewpoints. It is impossible to help someone who refuses to help themselves. This is coming from a person that is 60 years old. One failed marriage and now finds himself in this situation seemingly willing to self destruct once again. I am so thankful that some of us (including myself) have the ability to be honest with ourselves. Really honest�with reality. My M is on its way to success being stronger than it has ever been. With FB�s attitude I am fearful for him that he is going to die a lonely, sad man with much regret. I choose to take a different path. You FB are the only one here with skin in the game. Not us. Maybe you will look back some time down the road and think maybe ...just maybe there was some wisdom here on this board. You are on your own now which appears to be the case most of your life. Your game...your ball...
Last edited by 20YearHistory; 09/16/12 08:17 AM.
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I've come here to apologize to those posters who have given me some good advice about how to handle my situation. While I am not going to continue to participate on MB, I do realize that the Site, itself isn't the problem **edit**. I came here for help, but except for a few (much appreciated) responses, **edit** I became frustrated and lashed out, for that I am sorry. **edit** To all of those who really tried to help and were courteous I say thank you **edit**
Last edited by MBLBanker; 09/16/12 10:57 AM. Reason: TOS: attacking other posters. Please notify the moderators with complaints, rather than posting your complaints. Further attacks will not be tolerated.
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We wish you the very best. Good bye...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FarmerBob,
Most folks here have made the same mistakes as you have, so it's not as superiors that they advise your, but as people who were themselves ill equipped to handle what was handed to them when it happened.
Had I discover this site 10 years ago
I would have had fewer unhappy year in my marriage.
I hope some of what you learned here will benefit you if you should move forward with this relationship, even if only that you are wiser in trusting but verifying. I would caution you to remember that for some people cheating is an addiction and needs to be looked at that way.
God Bless
Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 09/16/12 10:27 AM.
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It is the VERY posts and posters that you want to ignore, deny, push away that you SHOULD be listening to and following the advice given.
I say humbly that I, too, at one time thought "yeah, but this doesn't apply to MY situation..."
Wrong.
And please remember: the people writing to you, giving you advice and guidance are not people just surfin' the net, bored...they are people who have LIVED and SURVIVED the very situation you find yourself in.
Stay, and follow their lead, please.
Last edited by helpfordad; 09/16/12 01:37 PM.
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