Irregardless of what he tells you; you need to acknowledge that your behavior is making your life very unpleasant.
You've said most of your angry outbursts occur while drinking alcohol.

Are you willing to permanently stop drinking alcohol?

Yes I do realize my angry outbursts are making my life unpleasant. I think many have also occurred when I'm not drinking. BUT I am absolutely willing to stop. It's too easy to lose control with alcohol, or for others to use it against you. Like with him, he told his parents and police I was intoxicated even though I drank less than him and when I requested a breathalyzer was turned down by police who said "you don't need one, you aren't intoxicated."

So yeah, alcohol is not my friend. And I think I need counseling and possibly psychological help.

Well your husband offered to pay for you to visit a psychiatrist.
You could receive help that way.
I understand you are concerned that it is a trap but I want to share with you that psychiatrists are state licensed medical doctors and would have no reason to participate in a conspiracy by your husband

Also, the psychiatrist would not discuss your case with your husband

Especially if you forbid them to share your information.

Just to clarify - are you emailing him about reconciliation while there is a restraining order against you? If so, you are very likely setting yourself up for a violation and separate charge. I cannot stress enough to you that you really need to find a way to get legal representation. Any violation of restraining orders will seriously harm you in family court if custody is disputed.

Thanks for the head's up. The mutual TRO ONLY applies to our baby. We are allowed to communicate. He told me last week he "is in a situation where he can't talk anymore," but I think that is his attorney's advice. He has emailed and texted me several times since yesterday about settling out of court without attorneys. He wants Primary custody and says he will pay to help me get on my feet. He said he wants to be "best friends" for our daughter's sake and signed off by text last night saying, "we love you!"

I have a call in to some attorneys, and will not agree to anything without their advice. I did, however, ask him to return her to the home. And at least let me care for her while he is at work. I assured him that I would not leave town or hide her since the TRO says I can't. I'm doubtful he return her, bc denying me visitation with her is his leverage right now. But its worth a try, and will show the judge I did everything I could to see her if used in court

I think you should see that psychiatrist ASAP.
You have had your 2 children taken away from you and now possibly your third.
You can chose to blame your husband and view it all as a conspiracy or you can be responsible for yourself and seek help.

The court will want to know if you are mentally fit.
The court will want to know if you can control your anger.

So far you have done nothing to show the court you are addressing these issues in your life.

This is a list of what I think your priorities need to be:

1. Contact local women's shelter and ask for help getting an attorney. Tu have case workers that should be able to assist you.

2. Contact local welfare department for food stamps and medical insurance. You will be assigned a case worker that can also offer assistance in other areas.

3. Make an appointment with the psychiatrist.

4. Attend an AlAnon or AA meeting 2 times a week.

Agreed.

Something here seems very "off" to me - as someone who has dealt with these issues on a professional level, not with a personal bias, for years, I can see that something does not make sense. I don't doubt for one moment that this man is likely an abusive alcoholic but I am also very wary when a woman has lost custody of children and is at risk of it happening again - such actions are quite difficult in a court of law (as any man here seeking custody has found) and well, 1 + 1 isn't equaling 2. Which is why Lora, you need to speak with a professional because your infant's custody is at risk from poor decision making. As a pregnant mother myself, I can't imagine how terrifying that is, but here you are talking reconciliation with an allegedly abusive alcoholic and going out for drinks when you should be doing all the begging and pleading in the world to find yourself some form of legal help.

Agree with most of these comments. Except- I have NOT lost custody of my other two children. We had 50/50 time with them, and are STILL Joint Managing Conservators except now I get standard visitation instead of 50% time. This was a direct of the "actions of 3rd parties," (meaning my current husband's temper) according to the Judge. But you are right, reconcilling should be the least of my concerns. I will not see a Psychiatrist specifically chosen by him, but do have a call in for an appointment with a Psychiatrist I have chosen. Waiting to hear from Legal Aid. and have chosen an att to at least represent me for this Hearing on the 27th for $750 if all else fails.

What does your last post mean?
You have chosen to have your children around your husband ; apparently the Court found his temper was unhealthy for the kids and took away most of your custody.

That is your responsibility. You chose to have your kids around him. Your custody is not your husbands responsibility.

You are responsible for where you are right now.

Will you commit to attending an AlAnon or AA meeting 2 times this week?

I am simply clarifying what the judge said. It IS my responsibility, but it's important to fully recognize the negative impact he has had on my life thus far so that I am prepared to turn him down if and when he wants to reconcile.

I will look into it alanon. Right now my days are consumed with att consultations, and my new job. But I can probably manage at least one meeeting.

Met with an attorney today who is taking on my case and seeking legal fees from my ex. If I am unable to pay him by Nov. he will cease being my attorney.


We filed for Divorce and a Motion for Enforcement of the Temp Orders since he is the one violating them. I am sad bc I truly did not want to divorce him, but I must protect myself and my children.

That is good step.
Now the next steps are seeing a psychiatrist and going to aa or AlAnon 2 times a week

Well when he was served with the papers he called me asking me to explain them to him. He was very angry. Said he didn't file a divorce bc he wasn't sure it was what he wanted. Said he was trying to work with me without attorneys, and now that I've done this not to speak to him about anything other than our child.

When he asked what the papers meant (we hit him w Contempt of Court for violating restraining order by keeping the baby from me and trying off my phone, etc.) He said the TRO says he CAN keep the baby from me. But it doesn't, the Temp Orders he's asking for the judge to approve on the 27th say that, but that is only if she approves. He has no idea what is going on, I guess.

Anyway he ended the angry call with threatening to involve my ex so I can't see my other girls either. Of course it would all be his baseless allegations, but if he calls my ex and gets him involved it will still cause me some trouble.

I told him there is no reason to make this any worse, that I had wanted to save the marriage or work out a fair agreement, but he won't let me see my daughter, is turning off my phone and leaving me broke, so I had no choice but to defend myself.

So funny that he can give it out but can't take it. I think one week deprived of his wife, baby, family, friends, food, money, cell phone. Cable, internet, etc like what he's done to me for two weeks and he'd crumble like a little child. I am much stronger than he bargained for.

What would happen if he involved your ex husband?

Good job on seeing the attorney.
What about the status of the other stuff on your list:
Have you visited the psychiatrist?
Have you attended an aa or AlAnon meeting?