A reminder to posters that the purpose of this forum is to help posters understand and implement MB principles. This is not a personal opinion venue. If you can't do that, please refrain from posting. Any questions, shoot me an email.

Yes I agree piece of mimd would improve in the recovery of the affair portion of my life, but the rest of my life, atleast as I calculate it now would be a mess and very insecure...I am a beliver in our recovery would slow remaining here, i can do all i can do to ensure no recontact and are marriage is strong...moving is still on the table I just have to understand that the whole process has to take shape for my entire family and that might not happen in as short as a time frame as I had hoped. The OM parents house being close is not a huge concern as I cant recall ever seeing this guy around for 15-20 years and I know what he looked like...not to say he can't drive by, but go ahead take your fate into your own hands POSOM and I would need to move...

Kinda backed in a corner with who to tell once the word is out that we're relocating.

I have a co-worker that has been a friend since high school that more or less recommended me for the current job I am in.

He knows nothing about my wifes affair. He is looking onmoving up in our company and often asks me if I am interested in his job which would be a promotion.

I fear he may find out by other means...seeing house up for sale, rumor through someone else, vacation time used to check out other cities ect......

I hate to make up a smoke screen and say its all because of my kob or wifes work, but I also at this point am not sure other non close freinds or family need to know of the affair.

WW says u do what you feel is right....I made my bed you shouldnt have to stress over it...

I am just unclear on the best way to approach...my co worker has stuck his neck out for me in my career and wants to continue to do so...it will be a shock if he hears of my life situation and our plans to move witgout a good reason.

Any thoughts.

Kgaa, I would tell him if I were you. He may have some supportive ideas.

Has your work suffered noticeably due to your wife's affair?

If so, put it back on track now that her infidelity is behind you both. She should ("just compensation") be willing to let you devote some time to that effort.

If not, then don't let your situation become a "thing" in your employment. Telling your friend that you and your wife are working through some issues should suffice (Remember: Exposure is to kill the affair. Hers is dead. Now you're part of the same team, and you owe her the duty of protection, to some degree.) without having to go into detail about number of illicit encounters and the positions assumed! If he is as much a resource as you indicate, use him to manage that move/stay problem to the optimum solution.

Spin it around in your mind. If a colleague came to you with the "issues" situation I proposed, would you be all over it to get the skanky details so you could "shun" him? Most men wouldn't do that. Women? Not sure. But men? Generally, no.

We are in the process of relocating 500 miles away ourselves. The situation is easier for me to find good reasons to tell people, because we had been planning to move with retirement for a long time. The affair just pushed things along quicker.

If it were me, I wouldn't make up stories, but I wouldn't cite the affair, either. I would tell anyone that asks that my spouse and I have decided to move because it is the best thing for us to do. If they persisted to know more, I would just say that we have thoughtfully considered the matter and decided this is the right move for us. It doesn't connect all the dots for them, but why should anybody outside of your immediate family need more than that? I understand that you feel a need not to appear unappreciative to your friend, but any real friend would respect your privacy, too. There are always some people that are going to think you are nuts no matter what you do. What is important is your marriage, not what other people think.

As it stands now I have not said anything. We have took the house for sale sign down, not because we r any less commited to a relocation, but because we r flying out to check out the "new" area where W has current job offer and want to see how we feel upon returning.

I would lile to move witjin commuting distance from our current location, but wife kinda has a different view on that. She says if we're gonna move we should move to a place that is "nice", meaning improved weather mostly...I'm kinda torn on this opinion, but I feel she should have a say where we spend our life in spite of her affair.

How do those on here view a move a half hour to 45 min away from location? Yes in reality the A would be more plausible to rekindle, but triggers and accidental sightings would be much more controlled. W would work away from home town while I could commute to current employer. We would shop and conduct our daily duties elsewhere, but still be within reach of my job, family ect as we chose.

1 full hour commute for you this keeps WW home 1 hr from OMP's and OM accidental contact.

The WW would work away from home town while you commute?

This does not make sense. WW at same place or new job?
How close does WW work to where OM lives and works?

The last scenario, wife, kids and I would relocate about an hour away. Wife would find new job in that area. I would be within commuting distance to our previous home town where I would remain at my present employer.

Currently wife works only about 5-10 mintues from where OM lives. A has been exposed to a few co-workers at current employer. OM never showed face at wifes current employer and due to the type of business would not be permitted to just "walk in".

Down deep I feel the best is probably a total full blown relocation. New habitat, fresh start, no triggers.

I often feel that I restrain myself because of OM, even though it takes two to tangle, I am not sure what my reaction would be if we crossed paths at the gas station?

I think my life could be more focused elsewhere on recovery and the stress just reduced all around.

Day to day is going ok, still many flashbacks of A, have been doing better not bring it up, but I have those days where it just hits you as hard, almost taking your breath away.

Hoping a trip out of town will bring some temporary relief...

You have said it yourself. Make the move. You will recover much better. A spouse working that close to an affair partner is a continuous trigger.

AM