Total separation is between the wayward spouse and their affair partner.
That is your goal in marital recovery.
But you are not in recovery.
You need to follow the list posted by NeverGuessed

I bumped some threads for you to dig through.

Wayward fog babble decoded.

NEVER take the word of a wayward

Carrot and Stick of PLAN A

READ them ..

Thanks MrNiceGuy

I know i need to man up, but i want to man up at the right point. I want her to think it over herself 1st. If that fails then i am going to make that other guy life a living hell.

I agree with MNG. I'll go farther, though, in giving you a model for your behavior and attitude toward POSOM.



(Get yourself an eye-patch if it will help.)

What is there to think over? "should I use a condom or not?"
You need to get that book out again. Because nowhere does Dr Harley say the people involved in an affair need to think things over.

Jon was instructed to go into plan A. That is what you should be doing.
You need to follow NeverGuesse list

Start at the end of your sentence and work your way to the front.

Give OM hell first.
Then, there is really something to think about.

You are right....I am going to do it.

And if I lose my wife becaues I man up. I am going to come back and give you guys all the thumbs down

Your marriage can handle her anger. However your marriage CAN NOT handle the OM planting negative seeds in her mind. WHen you bust this up .. your wife is going to be LIVID. SHe will say the most horrible things to you to get you to back down and let her have her cake and eat it too ... DO NOT BACK DOWN. Simply tell your wife that you love her and are going to fight for her and be the best hubby and man that she has ever had.

Be loving ... be patient .. be calm. NEVER love bust her for ANY reason. EVen if she baits you into an argument about something related to this ... stay calm ... and dont feed into the heat of the moment. YOur kids need you to do this .. You need to be the level headed person in this. YOu tell your wife you only talk marriage .. and not divorce (if she brings it up).

Okay I just want to know if you do this, what are the odds? Anybody actually took this approach and it worked?

Not saying it isn't the right way to do it, just wondering because I really want to save this marriage. Or just lie to me and say this works 80% of the time

It's not guaranteed to work. But it is your best hope In the end she is an adult and she will do what she wants. Compare her to Sue in The book. Follow what Jon did.
Thousands of marriages have been recovered usin this program

Can you go to where she is right now and surprise her?

Breaking this up asap is important. Once they start having sex it's going to a whole new level.

You cannot trust her to know what she wants right now. Affairs get us high and irrational. Gather evidence and bust this up with exposure to everyone who can influence your wife.

Don't sit idly by. Fighting an affair is a battle and right now, it's up to you.

Anybody actually took this approach and it worked?

The folks who have "won" usually open threads on the "Recovery" board. Read the ones by "HoldHerHand", 20YearHistory", or "MikeStillSmiling" as males who fought through to the other side.

Nothing's guaranteed...except the marriage will end should you choose to do nothing.

Your marriage can survive her anger from exposure; no marriage can succeed with 3 people in it.

Fight for her -- most OMs are scumbag cowards and can be run off.

I hate the fact you guys are right .

So I have enacted Plan A but she is at the point where, she wants to be with the other guy and not me. She says therapy will just help me for closure.

I have exposed friends and family. Nobody is on her side, she is grasping for people to be on her side.

The question is now, she tells me she wants to be with the other guy, do i enact plan B or keep going on Plan A and let her move out?

Sorry man ... you do plan A .. and EXPOSE this to ANYONE who has ANY influence over your wife. Expose this to the OM's family as well. Find Melody lanes Signature and click the link in it. Follow it.

Was she out with him to "think"? You need to kill her little fantasy and do NOT listen to a word she says. Its all FOG BABBLE .. and she is high on her addiction. In her current state of mind she will throw away her family and kids to be with OM. Make sure you STAY in your home .. DO NOT leave for any reason. SHE can leave if she wants but the kids stay with you. You will need to tell your children in an age appropriate way.

MNG

p.s. find ML's sig .. and read it.

edit to say ... Of course she wants to be with OM. She is only basing her decisions on her CURRENT feelings ... well as we stated .. FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONs!... her actions are to be with OM .. and her feelings are following. Make this affair REAL UGLY for her .. while making oyurself the best possible choice for her with the carrot of PLAN A ... but you CANT forget the stick ok?

Also .. DONT say NOTHING about this site .. you have to kill the affair first and help her clear her foggy mind of her addiction of OM.

Continue Plan A.
Do not help her move out.

Also .. here is the link to ML's Exposure thread ... read it .. and DO IT. ALso read the threads I bumped for you.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

LS76,

I have exposed friends and family. Nobody is on her side, she is grasping for people to be on her side.

Good, now expose OM to high heaven so even OM will be against her, and OMs family will be against OM and the union too.

God Bless
Gamma

I have no clue how to tell my 8 year old