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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Our 11yr old boy now has suicidal tendencies and is soon going for professional help.  My wife is taking him so she can explain to the Dr. and show him the letter and graphic picture my son wrote to her. Wow. So she drives your son to suicidal tendencies and now gets to drive him to the doctor for treatment? That'd be a big "Hell No!" in my book. You need to go to that appointment as well. By herself, she'll downplay all of it to save her own skin to the detriment of your son's health. Without the true story, no medical personnel can adequately treat anything. That you didn't completely blow your top with your WW upon learning of your son's thoughts is odd. She cheats on you, drives your son into a mental anguish and, well, what's the result? What is the consequence? How have you verified NC? Keylogger, spyware on cell? Anything? Your WW, it seems, believes that she has all of the time in the world to, maybe, stop the adultery. You would do well by informing her otherwise before you lose your momentum. I completely agree. You need I take him I all future doctor appointments. She will convince the doctor it's YOUR fault and that will not help your custody case
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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I am seeing the same Dr. the day before to give him the full story, show him my wife's letter, tell him about my son's behavior, tell him how my wife has been brainwashed by the OM into minimizing any impact.
The problem is that if I go with my son, she will opt out. I was hoping that her taking him the following day and talking to the Dr. would also open up the door for her to also get help at some point. She really needs help with issues from before the affair (rising independence/claustrophobia with marriage)
No the OM was not his coach.
Yes, I talk with all of my children one on one daily. My DS11 generally says he is so impatient and frustrated that there's nothing he can do to fix the situation. He wrote a very harsh letter to my wife with a picture of him stabbing himself, and has talked about doing that on several occasions. He's fine most of the time, but once a week hits that low spot right before bed and fortunately I detect it and we talk through it. You need to focus on killing this affair. Not on your wife's so called claustrophobia in marriage.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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She really needs help with issues from before the affair (rising independence/claustrophobia with marriage) Quick side-note: What is this crap?? 'rising independence? claustrophobia with marriage?? Puh-leeze. Get this affair killed. If you get her on board with Marriage Builders you'll find a sudden loss of the whole 'rising independence/claustrophobia' dealies. Where the heck did you hear those terms in the first place?? 'Rising independence'? 'Marital Claustrophobia'? HUH? Regular people don't talk like this, and these terms are not common-sense terms. Did some pschologist spout these to you?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 12
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 12 |
I'm not 100% confident of NC, but she has been brutally honest about her interaction with him in the past when I've asked. How can I get spyware on her android phone when she has a screen pin that I don't know? I checked the FAQ for the recommended product in the other forum, and you need to be on the phone to download the software.
Ok, brainwashed may be a stretch but I used that because OM has a masters in psychology and she's reiterated what he's told her, that these situations happen often nowadays, everyone copes, kids are resilient, etc. That was a few weeks back.
Married 20Years
4 Kids
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Joined: May 2009
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I think, at this point you need to put your son in the number one spot of concern and you need to go to appointments with him. Don't not do this to strategize your wife's potential to do something later.
You need to let your son know that, yes, it is a mess right now BUT you are his ROCK. He may lean on you and you will be strong and support him and be completely reliable now and forever. That you love him deeply and will help him through this dreadful time. That you are his ROCK.
Then, be it.
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
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I'm not 100% confident of NC, but she has been brutally honest about her interaction with him in the past when I've asked. How can I get spyware on her android phone when she has a screen pin that I don't know? I checked the FAQ for the recommended product in the other forum, and you need to be on the phone to download the software. You tell her that you need the PIN for the phone, that's how you get it. "Why, don't you trust me?!?" she'll say. "No, I don't, but your giving me that PIN will go a long way." You're going to have to insist, because her having the passcode on it to begin with is a red flag. When she gets overly dramatic when you ask for it, you'll have your answer and will either have to stand your ground or cave. Alternately, the phone has an accident and you get her a new phone with the latest "software" pre-installed.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Yea I would give the phone an accident and just get a new one with software ore installed
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Ok, brainwashed may be a stretch but I used that because OM has a masters in psychology and she's reiterated what he's told her, that these situations happen often nowadays, everyone copes, kids are resilient, etc. That was a few weeks back. No AP/WS needs a Masters in Psychology to come up with that. That is typical wayward justification that we hear all the time on MB and in society in general. ICs and MCs even tell people this...which is why you have been warned about WW going to counseling. There are plenty of counselors that preach that crap so people don't feel guilty about destroying their families. Does DS11 know he going to see a counselor? I still would not allow WW to take him alone. I hope you understand how that can blow up in your face and even further damage your son.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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