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I was wondering if anyone has confronted the OW. I sent a copy of plan B letter with a note attached stating that I was going to fight for my marriage, as recommended on my original thread and in SAA. It was returned to me unopened.
Not sure what else to do. I want to confront her in a legal way. (I am typically non-confrontational.)
I have seen many posts on BH's confronting the OM, but haven't seen any that a BW has confronted the OW. I have searched the site and not found any MB advice on this.
Thanks,
FE
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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FE, several people have done that over the years. Dr Harley recommends confronting the OP in general but I don't recall him ever making that a gender specific recommendation. I did it with great effect!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OW1 - Confronted by phone. She lived 1000s of miles away from me so face-to-face was not an option. Spoke to her twice by phone (briefly) and then a final email to rub a few things in her face and tell her to piss off. OW2 - Confronted by phone. I called her house to expose to her BH and she answered. Only other contact was me responding to an idiotic, rambling email she sent me. I told her what a lying POS she is, rubbed her face in a few things and told her to piss off. Both OW were stuttering on the phone. Never heard from them again after my emails either. I never told them I was going to fight for my marriage. With OW2 I told her what would happen if we divorced..and I kept my word. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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FE, several people have done that over the years. Dr Harley recommends confronting the OP in general but I don't recall him ever making that a gender specific recommendation. I did it with great effect! Thanks Melody. Can I ask how you did it? Was it by phone, email, face to face? What did you say? POSOW did not answer her cell phone when I called, but I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't leave a message.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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I did it over instant messenger because she lives 800 miles from her. Others have called or paid a personal visit. In my situation, my H had told the OW that he was "separated."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks Black Raven. Did you block your number when you called, so that they wouldn't have it? What did you say to them? - If you don't mind me asking.
This chick is one tough gal, and prone to physical violence.
Me- not so much. I've never even been in a physical altercation.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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I spoke to OW on the telephone, with little effect or satisfaction. What was better was the exposure of the affair in the military workplace. OW received a fine of a half a month's pay for two months, a written letter of reprimand, and was ostrasized by everyone else. She eventually left that workplace and moved to a different city.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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FE, I would ask yourself if there is a good reason to do this. Will it run her off? Will it be to inform her of certain facts? I would make sure you have a purpose.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FE, I remember that POSOW was sending nasty emails to your DD. Did you pursue a RO against her?
~RQ
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FE, I would ask yourself if there is a good reason to do this. Will it run her off? Will it be to inform her of certain facts? I would make sure you have a purpose. She thinks that I am passive, but she is afraid that her BH will give me her number. (He told me this). My WH gave it to me, when I asked. My purpose would be to tell her to back off, and to clear up a few misconceptions that she has about me and WH.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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FE, I would ask yourself if there is a good reason to do this. Will it run her off? Will it be to inform her of certain facts? I would make sure you have a purpose. She thinks that I am passive, but she is afraid that her BH will give me her number. (He told me this). My WH gave it to me, when I asked. My purpose would be to tell her to back off, and to clear up a few misconceptions that she has about me and WH. Gotcha. I would probably do it then.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks Black Raven. Did you block your number when you called, so that they wouldn't have it? What did you say to them? - If you don't mind me asking.
This chick is one tough gal, and prone to physical violence.
Me- not so much. I've never even been in a physical altercation. It's been so long, I don't recall if I blocked my number. I think I did with OW1 but I wasn't concerned about her having my number. I would have blocked it so that she would pick up. I'll post in a bit about what I said. As for her being a tough chick...well an angry BS can be a powerful force even for so-called tough OPs. Is her being prone to physical violence something your WH told you? Why do you say that?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Posts: 147
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FE, I remember that POSOW was sending nasty emails to your DD. Did you pursue a RO against her?
~RQ Not yet. POSOW was sending them via Facebook. My DD blocked her. She has to unblock her to print them out, so that it shows who they are from. Otherwise, it just says it's from "Facebook User." I don't want DD to unblock her until she has access to a printer. Which should be today. The officer that I spoke with told me to print them out.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Joined: Jun 2008
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My purpose would be to...clear up a few misconceptions that she has about me and WH. You want to be careful of the words you use so that confrontation is effective. You don't have to (nor should) explain yourself or your marriage to a POS. She doesn't care.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 147
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Thanks Black Raven. Did you block your number when you called, so that they wouldn't have it? What did you say to them? - If you don't mind me asking.
This chick is one tough gal, and prone to physical violence.
Me- not so much. I've never even been in a physical altercation. It's been so long, I don't recall if I blocked my number. I think I did with OW1 but I wasn't concerned about her having my number. I would have blocked it so that she would pick up. I'll post in a bit about what I said. As for her being a tough chick...well an angry BS can be a powerful force even for so-called tough OPs. Is her being prone to physical violence something your BH told you? Why do you say that? Okay. Thank you. The physical violence thing was told to me by his co-workers and her BH. WH confirmed this.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Posts: 3,066
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Was a No-contact letter sent?
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Thank you armymama. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a workplace to expose to. She cleans a few houses under the table, and collects unemployment. She has already been fired from her job at the marina for "messing around with men" at the shop she worked for.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 147
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Was a No-contact letter sent? Yes. WH wrote it and I approved it. It was sent by Certified Mail on Sept 13th. We sent it together, so I know it was sent.
BS - 45 (me)
WH - 43
DD - 23
DD - 16
Trickle truths 4/18/12-9/8/12
Final DDay - 9/12/12
Finally heading into recovery thanks to Marriage Builders.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 2,589
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Posts: 2,589 |
Thank you armymama. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a workplace to expose to. She cleans a few houses under the table, and collects unemployment. She has already been fired from her job at the marina for "messing around with men" at the shop she worked for. Wow. This OW is a real winner. It sounds as if everyone knows what a slut she is. On a recent radio show, Dr. Harley was talking about BWes calling the OW for information when the husband does not admit to an affair. It does not sound as if the OW in your case would be influenced much by a phonecall. In my case, the OW was SO selfish and self-centered that there was little effect in my calling her. She was never ashamed of her affair(s). There was one time when I "stood her at attention" on the phone, gave her an "Are you understanding what I am saying, Sargeant?" She still followed my H around work, sneaking up behind him in his office. I had forgotton how horrible those days were. Thank goodness for time and healing and MB. AM
Last edited by armymama; 09/28/12 10:21 AM.
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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