Then you have your course of action.
Don't allow your daughter to be raised by dopeheads.
Children learn by example. If you want to protect her from becoming a dope smoking teenager you need to follow the steps outlined above

I don't know anymore If I can protect her from anything. This was not what I had dreamt for her...

She will follow your lead, FNM. Give her a lead to follow.

Have you contacted your own attorney?
What steps are you taking to protect your daughter?

I contacted the same laywer. He said nothing can be done in a no fault divorce. But I also contacted the person who had the allegations about drugs and he said he has no proof, just suspicion. So, no I don't plan to follow aggressively at this moment.
You may find this odd now but I still have questions about things I haven't done. I am seriously considering of sending a plan B letter to him even though divorce is on the road. I also want to send a letter to OW because I never really showed to her that I loved him and that I fought for him. I think she should know, instead of believing the chronic seperation lie. Only problem is if they are not very warm now maybe I am going to just stir things?
And still haven't done the OW parents exposure. I have my doubts that's it's too late.

No. You contact a separate lawyer

Your child need you to protect her.
You've been told they use drugs and you are just throwing up your arms?

Also you should still expose to OW's parents. They should know she's dating a married man.

So, I am getting ready to send OW parents a copy of our divorce papers along with a letter explaining a thing or two about their dear daughter. Do you think I should also tell them about her abortion (WH impregnated her) or is it gross?

I know this may sound absurd but isn't it the quickest way to kill the A if nothing else works?
Thoughts?

I would tell them everything.
But what's the reason? If you were going to fight it should have been for custody

It's a bit hard to know that when we're not sure what you've tried already. Please post that info and then we can figure something out. It is Sunday though, and most MB vets won't be on, so please try not to be too upset if you don't get a lot of replies.

Taken care of. I am having 100% custody

For APs to marry, then the BS obviously has to be divorced (and that takes time and careful legal planning). Most BSs don't want an AP/step-parent around their children. x 100

I think you are simplifying it a bit and it always depends on what the desired outcoming is. I would never reconcile with a WS who married his AP. She could keep him and they could make each other miserable...hopefully forever or at least years lol. Most affairs fall apart anyway. Some take longer than others but they will likely be miserable soon enough.

My story is here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2670060&page=1

I know someone who did that to his WS and he is a very happy and balanced man now.
But I mostly meant that they should LIVE together as married for a while. How can I accomplish that? She has 2 small kids.

I just read your original thread. It doesn't sound like OW is getting divorced so how is pressing them to marry going to work? Many times one AP isn't interested in marriage with the OP...they just wanted some easy side action and/or ego stroking. Most have no REAL intention of marriage with the AP. When things get difficult with the AP, the affair usually falls apart...APs use one another.

I don't know what state you live in but there are many BSs that have Standing Order/Decrees that the AP is not allowed around the children...short term or long term. OWs can have ZERO contact with my kids. My divorce was uncontested. This clause was a dealbreaker for me. I would have gone to trial had my exWH not signed...and no-fault state status would not have changed that either.

If you want the A to die, why are you divorcing quickly and easily? And drug use is involved...I'd slap them often and HARD before I handed my child over to that.

FNM, this is a very confusing question without the background.

Click 'notify' below and ask the mods to merge both your threads, and to have your thread here on SAA.

It would be very silly for you and your daughter to endure the pain of illicit wedding, wouldn't it?

OWs family would not fight the A if it became legitimized by marriage.

She would be your daughters stepmother and you could not keep them apart.

Plus how on earth would you urge them? While telling people you are fighting for the marriage?

One thing you learn from MB is that peoples choices are totally up to them.

Please take the very first steps to fight an affair before going off on such tangents. Stay focused.

You have been advised to expose far and wide. To OWs family, her married friends, etc. The BH can't do this obviously. How can HE tell others that you are a heartbroken wife fighting for her family? That must come from you.

You must also tell your daughter. The poor little thing is trying to figure it out alone. And of course she will still love him. You do, don't you?

And for heavens sake get out of this buddy divorce and get your own lawyer. File on the grounds of adultery. Tell WH that OW will be named and quizzed in court unless he shapes up and repents. Tell him you will not be friends afterwards and you will not assist him in abandoning his family. Make divorce an ugly option.

Also you are N0T in Plan B. You don't even have an intermediary, so no Plan B is possible yet. Until you can make the proper arrangements you are in Plan A, negotiating and fighting for your marriage.

Plan A for just a few weeks max, and set up Plan B to commence in that time.

It is imperative you make proper legal, financial and intermediary arrangements in order to Plan B effectively.

The link in my sig will tell you how.

But your first step is to read the exposure thread and plan a nuclear exposure that will make the APs heads spin.

Thank you for your replies. My battery is dying so I ll come back a couple of hours later

To Indie:
The reason why I filed so quickly is that this was my way of plan B. I could not do it otherwise , I kept calling him. After I filed I was calmer. We are not splitting things in half, I am getting almost everything .
I also wanted to use filing as a way to wake him up because I knew deep down he didn't want it. More details later when I have battery.

You do need to stop trying to control him through your actions.
You can not wake him up.
Period.

You CAN do plan A (be the best you, you can be as he is free to observe) and then
do plan B (close the door on his access to you as you turn your focus to rebuilding your life outside of being cruelly betrayed and emotionally abused by infedelity in your face).

He is responsible for everything else he does or does not do.

You are in control of your plans only. Your plans for you.

HTMS