Nevermind then.

You have gotten very off track with MarriageBuilders Plan A & Plan B. I really recommend re-reading them for clarity.

The "game" you want to play simply hurts you. I know you think she will be jealous, and she will, but you're telling your WS that you really are just a pushover who is not serious about her boundaries. Not serious about the threat of divorce. Not serious about accepting fidelity in her marriage.

Plan A or Plan B or Plan D... not Plan Faith. Faith is a good person but does not have the emotional clarity to make wise decisions here. Part of a long-term Plan B will help you see things for what they are. Right now, you're still buying into the idea that you can manipulate him into coming back and being a good husband. It doesn't work like that. That is why Dr. Harley wrote his plans - not because he sat down and thought they looked good, but because he saw what doesn't work. And your Plan Faith has been tried unsuccessfully many times before.

OK I am going to have another opinion. My greatest disappointment with my lawyer was that he wasn't willing to include anything about OW in our agreement . He is separated too I may add! Do you search for a moral lawyer?
I am not sure where I live if I can include a term like that about OW. I am most interested of course.

Yes its called hysterical bonding. They are constantly under threat because society does not understand their love etc...
It makes every meeting a passionate reunion. They veer between 'their duty' but keep being drawn back to their love. Ugh. They like the drama.

How else do losers get a man?

An OW like yours also gets a huge kick out of being in competetion with a BW. If you remove yourself he is stuck with her as opposed to choosing her.

You also send her a copy of the Plan B letter so she knows it was not his choice, you got rid of him.

And after that, NO MORE GAMES missy.

You have a real life to look after and a broken heart to heal and a daughter to raise.

Let the screwballs get on with ruining their lives.

Where do you live? I couldn't have done this in the UK either, even if I had kids.

The US sadly has us beat when it comes to divorce laws.

My lawyer's morals had nothing to do with it. I told him to put the clause in, end of story.

Sooo, I wrote my plan B letter two weeks ago, I may have to translate it to you. It was inspired by the published letters here, but more poetic! It was given to him by an IM on the day of our wedding anniversary .
The same day I sent OW a note, saying that I sent a letter to him, but not saying what was in it. I let her know it was our anniversary ( so as to make her keep that date). I basically wished her a better life. I wanted to make her ask him about the letter and she did. I wanted her wondering if he told her the trough about it. She was upset. But I am sure that they just embraced the more drama as you said.
So this was plan Faith, along with some more I may post later. I know plain plan A and B must be more efficient, but they are so difficult . I hope I didn't stray too much!

You have got some things right but you are supposed to go dark immediately after the letter!

What did it instruct him to do? A Plan B letter instructs no contact ('I will not speak with you, or communicate with you. All communication must go through IM...)'can be had until conditions are met. It also introduces the IM

Your WH or the OW won't have taken it seriously, they will have seen it as a bid for attention because you remained contactable. She probably thought worse case scenario she could tempt him back again if he went home for a False Recovery.

Nothing is as strong as silence and having a high bar. She can only lose the back and forth competition if you refuse to accept the cheating.

I'd write up a very short Plan B note that encompasses the bits the first one missed. No need to make it as loving or flowery.

And don't send it until you're ready to go dark. Locks are changed, child handover person ready, numbers changed, email changed and IM ready.

You are right again indie. I am sure she thought of that. She even tried it! She told him to try again with me! Apparently he didn't so she is over with it. I did put communication details in my letter but it didn't work well because of a broken cell phone! My luck. I can't have email settlement with my present IM because she is not a computer person. After NC was broken (by me unfortunately because of DD health problem) I regretted it . I told him that I am going back to the IM. I think If I actually keep it this way from now on I don't have to write another B note, do I ?

You change YOUR email and phone details. Any way he has of contacting you. Plug up all gaps so he can't reach you anywhere. Immagine he is desperate to get hold of you. Then block all his options.

Has your IM read the training thread here? It is a very easy job if you follow the rules. (I am IM for a few people) If you get dragged into discussions with the WS, it becomes rough.

I really prefer email because if the WS sends me a huge rant to pass on, with one releveant detail on it, I can skim read it and just respond to the relevant detail.
You can imagine how tough it would be to get off the phone.

You could give your IM a short computer lesson. It can be done by phone though. I know some people have done.

She can just do the old trick of putting the phone down on the table and returning later, claiming call of nature!

Reading the training thread is very important though.

I would. How else can you tell him? Any other way is contact. Outline that he needs to abide by conditions for recovery.

That way whenever he says 'why can't I speak to my wife?'

The IM responds "she tells me she explained that in the letter"

The other letter did not explain that you won't speak to him any more and you didn't go dark.

What kind of health problem did your daughter have and how can you avoid breaking Plan B again?

But of course we work on the same building! Usually I don't have to see or deal with him. But we are receiving group emails sometimes.

She had a serious skin infection and I had to give him details on medication for when he had her. I also needed to change the schedule because she was sick. I don't know how to pass a lot of details like that only by SMS in the future. And school called him to come and get her but he didn't answer/get (?) the call. Six times! He forgot to give them my number as I found out later. Well, to really go dark you have to swallow these things I guess, right?

You did not have to contact him about your daughter's health issue.

You could have had critical stuff passed via an intermediary.

The phone didn't work but there are other darn tootin' phones (okay?)

Anyway, you are really not understanding the situation with a plan B.

Try to just submit to realizing it is not a magic bullet and it is also pointless when broken.

Contact in plan B is NOT plan B. You're in what we call Plan C (confusion).

Please read this and listen to the clips because Dr. Harley explains what Plan B really is.
BSs...... Plan C is NOT a plan!

I got it guys. I was in plan C. Brain's link helped a lot. I have a complicated mind and I was starting to plot a lot of manipulative things. So I guess there goes my planned divorce signing party.
When I do a proper plan B, I wont really be what my B letter described. Meaning I wont wait for the A to end, I will move on. And I am going to re-write history too. Remember all the bad things and forgetting everything else. So the D will be really final.
The reasons why I was so inclined to plan C was that he did a lot of stupid mistakes when I put things in his mind. For example (now you can laugh) during a very intense period when everything was falling apart, just curious about the extend of his cake-eating, I suggested to him that we propose to her to just be with us in bed, no jealoussy involved from any part. He was thrilled. AND the same night he proposed that to her and of course she freaked out and broke up with him! I even insisted the next day that we should persuade her.
Of course later on he apologized to OW and everything was fine. I guess the low life can swallow anything.

Faith, I'm so glad you came here for guidance, because that proposal was a very strategic mistake.

You basically told him you were OK with adultery and would even participate. That you would settle for crumbs. He is addicted to the drama of adultery. When we want someone to get clean, we don't offer more drug.

You are trying to reach the man he once was. The man who was not an adulterer. You want no part of the monster she created in him.

A Plan Aer stands strong, proud and beautiful and says 'who could want more than this?'. Stands up to the evil of infidelity as a demon to be slayed.

Read the Art of War in my signature. You sound very scrappy and tough, you just need your efforts pointed in the right direction.

When weak appear strong. Even when the world is falling apart, you must hold close to Plan A, to your values and say 'If you don't shape up you will lose me'.

I had read the art of war a couple of weeks ago, it was very to the point. Of course I had already done my mistakes, like revealing my resources etc.
I knew that was a strategic mistake. I just couldnt resist listening to his fog-babble at those times. He said "damn you should have thought of that earlier, now its too late". It was so funny, yet I seamed serious when he repeated that.

Yes listening to the drunk wayward is a bad idea!!

Never mind, Plan B is awesome.

So f..g hard...because I still have some of my snooping going on...and watching the deception.I know my friends: take it down, take it down!