Can you believe that the theme in our marriage was the 1st Corinthians epistle? We played the "blue movie" soundtrack by Zbigniew Preisner.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.

Beautiful, but how many of us ever had that kind of love?

It still beats me: why this kind of affair "lurve" is so strong and lasting? Why is it so different from the usual falling in love thing?

I mean when I was in my twenties and I explored relationships, I would stay strongly in love with a person for, say, 6 months to a year. Then things start to wear off, especially if you got together like in a vacation etc. Even when I had my kind of affair before marriage with this guy (and thought of us being soulmates-the usual stuff), I remember telling him in order to end it that there was no point in breaking up with my bf for him because I knew we would'nt last forever, that life eventually catches and relationships loose their sparkle. I actually said these things! Even though I liked him so much, I knew that deep down that it was just an infatuation. AND I was younger then. Why cant mature people think before letting themselves go down? Why is becomes so different when it happens after marriage?

It wasn't my impulse either. I am pretty hot blooded (irish/scottish heritage!) And I felt more like tipping his stuff on the lawn and making a bonfire! But there have been so many days since when I am so grateful I sent it. Though mostly I don't think about it.

Whenever I had doubts in Plan B and wanted to break silence, I would think: "He got a beautiful letter. And did nothing. Screw him"

Now I feel sorry for him. And proud of myself.



It isn't lasting!!!

But it is strong because it is on top of all the married love. The AP feels love and affection from all directions and gets spoiled. They credit the newcomer with the change.

Plus a 'side dish' lover needs only one or two good traits. A WW with a rich BH can afford to fall in love with a handsome layabout. A BH with an affectionate intelligent wife won't feel anything lacking in company with a cold hearted sex addict OW.

There are some good people who become wayward, but any loser can fit the bill.

Efaristo

That is why Dr Harley encourages people to make love bank deposits and avoid Angry outbursts throughout the marriage. To keep the "love" alive.
Love has to be maintained

Think of the Church. We have the Eucharist. Why? Does it not help maintain our love with Christ?

People don't have to fall out of love, If they work in their relationship.

As for adultery, Dr Harley explains the love as wayward fog. The Church would call it sin. Sin is enticing. David saw Bathsheba and desired her so much that he killed her husband. We look back and read this and ask Why? why did David, chosen to be king of Israel do this? Why did Adam listen to Eve and eat the fruit? Sin is enticing.

Ephesians tells us that our battles are not against flesh and blood and against spiritual wickedness. Your husband may think he has true love. Eve thought the fruit was great tasting too.

If you love your husband the best you can do is to first pray, then hold him accountable. Just how God held Adam, Eve and David accountable.

I am gonna ask you the same thing one last time because I am ready to do it.
As I said I never exposed to OW parents. And it's going to be serious and I think cause some reactions. I want to send a little letter . BUT the timing is not so good. It is very very late. I have started real plan B just yesterday!
Two things: I am afraid of him turning against me concerning the divorce matters and MOST importantly I don't want to be seen asPATHETIC. "look at her even at the verge of the D she is still trying".
HER divorce is in court in Monday (an amicable one). Please?

Yes. Expos�. Are they against adultery?
You always expose self destructive behavior to help the person that commits it.

She also needs exposed to the Church.

What about he pathetic part? I don't want to send a wrong message.

You can only tell the truth. You cannot control how people react to it. Yes, some people may think it is pathetic. Others will not. You need support from the people who are prepared to hold them accountable for their actions and support you. You don't need the people who feel it is pathetic - that is a reflection of their values.

I meant HIM. It would be seen as my plan B is hateful?

Probably. Usually addicts that get cut off from parental or spousal support lash out and play the role of a victim.
But who can say how he will respond?
You cannot control his behavior. You can only control your behavior

Parents who care about their daughter will want to know about immoral and destructive behaviour.

If it turns out they aren't caring, that's their call. But no reason to assume that.

When we fear exposure its because we have this very narrow but what will they think about ME attitude.

Decide now that you would rather fight for your marriage and inform these poor parents than care about that high school stuff.

If it was your daughter, you would feel for the BW and be hard on your kid, unless you had horrible morals.

Only horrible people would view betrayal as pathetic.

Thank you

WH agrees to put a term of no contact between my DD and any partener for one year in the D paper. He also recently agreed to some financial claims by me. Why am I not happy? I feel that he is willing to give everything up for his freedom.

My advice is to take it while he is in the affair.
There are two strategies.
First. He probably thinks since his girlfriend just got divorced that maybe they can get married soon. If you want to disrupt his affair then expose to her parents. And the Church.

Second. If you want to get divorced under the best possible terms then take the agreement and get divorced. Don't expose any further until after divorce, if you still want to.

Too late HDW
I just sent my little letter. Now lets wait for the fruits of anger.

Why I couldn't wait? Because he is away on business so she will shower him with messages and he may have some time to digest it. See I am always trying to control

Its never too soon to expose once you are sure of your facts. The truth clears our path. Good luck and keep your cool.

There is silence still.

So to keep my mind occupied I am going to post some anecdotes from the first months since D day.

I have something that I never heard of before. So please tell me if in the history of this forum you've seen something like this.

Here it goes: inspired by MB, I put a keylogger in his laptop (which was actually difficult because he was not living in our house at the moment, I had to steal his keys for 20 minutes while he fell asleep in my sofa!)

First week passes whith nothing impressive apart from his Fb password.

On second week, I log on and I see something strange. I discover HE HAS PUT A KEYLOGGER ON OW's PC, and he is watching her like crazy. Every day. That was a lousy keylogger (sniper spy) and nothing particular came on. I keep my self together for five days. Day six I find out that he is thinking of me by watching him searching for a certain music piece on youtube (a very rare one). But the coin was tossed. I was so mad that he was also JEALOUS of this homewrecker. I confront him and he is astonished.

Did he ever uninstall HIS keylogger? NO. To this time, even though he was afraid that I would tell the OW about it, he still has it working.

So, I was able to find out EXACTELY what was going on in his mind.

For example, when I made him come and get all of his clothes, which was a quite sad moment, we even made love the same day, that SAME day, after leaving my house he checked HIS keylogger. Addiction OR WHAT?

This keylogger played a major role in my filing for D.
Now have you ever heard of such a story?