Boy, you sure sound a lot like us. I think part of it comes with homeschooling. You do it because it is the right thing, not because it is fun!

We are a little different in that I definitely haven't lost my love for my husband but he doesn't do any love busters like it sounds like your husband does so maybe that it what made the difference...

I will say this for me that my mood/depression is directly related to how much time we spend together. If we get at least 12 hours, then I am in a great mood. If we only get 4, I am horribly down. And seriously it can change in an instant. A couple of weeks ago, we hadn't been getting enough time. I resented homeschooling and was in a FOUL mood taking everything out on my daughter. I had just about decided that I wanted to stop homeschooling her. The next morning my husband could tell something was wrong. He wanted to know if it was something he had done if we hadn't been spending enough time together. I broke down crying and told him yes that was it. He called me later and sobbing I told him I was a terrible mom, I needed to stop homeschooling, etc. He told me all the reasons I wasn't terrible an what a great job he thought I was doing and listed all of these great things. ( Since admiration is my top need, it really filled my tank.) He then invited me to lunch out.
The next day was completely different with my daughter. She didn't get on my nerves and we had a great day.

Hubby is flying back tonight and that is one thing I will tell him. He wants me to keep homeschooling. ( Funny, since I had to convince him when we first started as he was against it!) If he wants me to, then I need more time with him to stay sane!

I'll be praying for you!

Gotta new issue on the horizon. One year ago, DH was laid off. He found a comparable job within weeks. But, the new job is about 60 miles from home into the city. During traffic it's 1 1/2 to 2 hour commute. He leaves at 5 am returns at 6ish. Our marriage is much better now. We are getting in around 15 hours UA per week. One date night usually. He wants to consider moving closer into town about 25 miles from the office. The company wants him to open a new division. It will mean more money, but also more hours at work and some dinner meetings. He wants to live closer so he can take this promotion. He wants to live in a nicer home. He wants a smaller yard in a subdivision (less maintenance). He doesn't want find another job closer to home. He likes his job and the potential for growth there. He likes his bosses and co-workers too.

The kids and I aren't really feeling it. Currently, we live in the woods on some acreage. We have privacy and security. Family on both sides. The kids have freedom to play anywhere, anytime.

I am trying to be supportive. I wouldn't want a two hour commute either. But, I'm not seeing anything in it for us (me and the kids). It's not like we're gonna see him more, just the opposite. Our kids love living in the country.

Help me with my attitude. I want to make a good decision for everyone. I don't want to move.

What did you mutually agree to do?

Rhetorical questions: How many hours does he work? How many hours are you together? What things can you do together that today you do alone? What other things get in the way of UA? If he were to keep this job what else could be done to increase the number of hours together? Can his travel time be reduced? Can you move to be closer to his work?

When you're brainstorming you have to be creative and sometimes go WAY out of the box to find a suitable solution.

He doesn't need to quit his job. He needs to find a better one. This one is killing his marriage. I think you need to tell him that in a thoughtful, respectful way.

His daily schedule.

Get up around 4-430 am
Leave the house at 430-5 am
Work anywhere from 630 am to as late 8 pm
Return home anywhere from 6pm to 10 pm
Day over. There's no predicting, his workload changes practically daily. If they give him a job to bid, he has to stay and get ready for it. If there's a deadline, he has to stay and make the superintendent and subs get the work done.

No. I've been watching for it in my inbox and spam folders.

In one of the clips I listened to, Dr H says he was working 90 hour weeks and still going out on dates with Mrs. H. How can that be?

Anyway, H's company Christmas party was last night. He was awarded Top Producer of the Year. I'm not sure what that means for us. He's been gone about 80 hours for the last few weeks. We managed to get in some UA over the weekend (about 6 hours).

Still no SF. I feel bad for him. He is working so hard. Should we POJA the SF need?

Update

I talked to Mrs. Harley last week on the phone. She suggested talking to a realtor about selling the house and moving closer to DH's job. DH will start his new job next Monday. It is still in the city, but the hours should be less.

UA is better. Maybe 10 hours a week. LB's have been fine too.

But, DH started playing an online game with our son. But, I know he his playing this game on is own sometimes too. DH has been "game free" for just over a year. I'm ok with him playing a video game with our kids on the Wii. Wii games usually have a stopping point. And he must share the tv with the other family members. But, online gaming is much more isolating and one can easily be sucked into hours and hours of game play. It is a "slippery slope".

How should I handle this? POJA? Should we be a "game free" family? So he's not tempted.

I found this......"If either you or your spouse is in the State of Withdrawal, you have created emotional defenses and will not let the other spouse meet your emotional needs. It's only when you overcome Love Busters that the emotional barrier is removed, and you allow each other to meet your emotional needs. So if either of you are in the state of Withdrawal, the Love Busters should be eliminated before trying to meet that spouse's emotional needs."

Am I still in withdrawal? I feel like we are in conflict though.

UA close to 15 hours. Usually, go to the bedroom at 9 or 10 to talk and SF. We go out to eat and run errands(groceries, Lowes etc...) once a week or so. We've been doing honey-do's together outside on the weekends. Went to dinner and a concert a couple of weeks ago. We'll talk on the phone while he's at work driving to meetings. We sit around and talk at home.