The first thing you need to do is expose this affair to family and friends, and the affair partners family and friends.
Read about plan A and start doing that

I dont not want or feel the need to have people in my personal business and as far as friends go I dont trust I have had 2 good friends that I grew up with turn on me in the worst way I dont dont need that extra bs right now

Well, you last posted 4 years and since then, you separated, both had affairs, and she's still having one.

What you feel works, obviously doesn't.

We can help you turn your marriage around if you are willing to listen to MB advice, but nobody is going to be able to help you if you continue to insist on knowing how to fix a marriage because it's pretty clear that you don't.

Are you ready to accept help? You and your wife are doing an injustice to your 3 children, it's time to do some real work, unless you want to be here in 4 years again complaining about the same problem.

I did not say I know how to fix anything I said i dont want to involve people because I cant trust them

Since you have both had affairs and she is currently active in one, neither of you are trustworthy either. This is about creating accountability when you expose.

The point of exposing her current affair in particular is to break it up. Chances are that her boyfriend will drop her like a hot rock if his family knows. Chances are this guy is married, is he? You can't fix your marriage when she's having an affair. It needs to end first.

this person is not married and i do not have all the facts yet to expose anything all i know is she deleted messages from him and when she went to hang out with him she took her best friend with her right now i could just be speculating so i am here talking about it until i can gather my intel

Acheron.. by not exposing you are enabling the affair. You should slap a Keylogger on her PC and a VAR in her car (under the seat with velcrow or behind the dash with velcrow) and or possibly get a monitoring software for the phone if you can get your hands on it.

She is gaslighting you.

Read up on Plan A ... meet all her emotional needs without expectations make her feel comfortable with NO LOVEBUSTING so she will slip up and give you the info you need on one of your snooping tools. JAMES BOND STYLE! Be all Suave and such.

Once you get some hard evidence you come back and tell us... WE will guide you on the next course of action.

MNG

What is a VAR ?

Voice Activated Recorder.

It took me a long time for the truth about exposing to sink in. It is counter intuitive to you right now. Ignore your feelings about that right now. Your feelings aren't coming from truth or reality righ tnow. Exposure isn't about trusting anyone - EVERYONE should know. Exposure shouldn't be about embarassment - She did this to herself. Exposure brings the secrets out of the darness where they thrive while hidden. It shines a light on the truth. It is actually a very natural consequence in most every deceiptful act. Exposure is your best tool to break her fog. She is in a fantasy fog. She seems normal, but she is an addict chasing her fix. You are powerless against that right now. Exposure is a HUGE fog breaking moment for people who usually want and expect better of themselves, but find themself in an affair anyway. She will not change her ways while she is enjoying her affair. She will not change her ways until she is made to by suffering natural consequences. That is when you get the best action from people - when they are made to face what they did wrong in a painful way. It is just a fact of life. A kid will take some candy. You say, "stealing is wrong" etc.... They take the "talking to", but hide the stealing better next time. It will just get worse and worse. They get better and better at hiding. But, teach them the lesson right the first time, it will usually impress upon them the lesson in a more permanent way. My dad made me take the candy back to the store and tell them what I did. I was never more humiliated as a 5-6 year old. So, THAT taught me to NEVER, EVER take anything that wasn't mine again. It is about your wife facing real consequences now.

Your marriage doesn't stand a chance unless you kill the affair! You are at war now. You are gonna have to learn some NEW skills now!! Listen to the people here who HAVE been where you are now. They killed affairs and are in recovered marriages. They learned how to fight the war of affairs and learned the truth about human nature. Listen to them now.

Here.
VAR

I price checked some this week going to pick up one today after work. I am kind of excited lol. hope that when i use it tomorrow there will be nothing to report which means i am just being paranoid. well wish me luck people probaly wont updated til sunday once i gather all the intel

have a great weekend everyone

Good Luck .. dont forget to keylog your PC www.desktopshark.com has a one PC licence for 9.99 or unlimited PC;s for 49.99.



MNG