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Joined: Apr 2001
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What if you cannot (will not) fulfill your WH's 'need' as he believes it needs to be fulfilled? This comment misses the whole point. In order to create romantic love, a need should be met in a way that satisfies BOTH, not just one person.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2011
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My WH cheated primarily because he wanted to indulge in sexual acts that I did not want to. Now I've become a little more adventurous, but I know I will probably never be what OW was. Its more of a compromise. twocents, make sure you are enthusiastically pursuing more adventurous sexual acts. Don't do these to appease him. You will become resentful if you do so, and will soon find the prospect of sex to be unenjoyable to the point of avoidance. Can you agree that you are enthusiastic about these acts, or are you engaging in them to appease him? no, I do enthusiastically agree with anything I do - after everything I endured I absolutely make sure I'm not doing anything just to please him. Its more of me having become a little more willing to explore, but never with anything I don't want to do. My thoughts (esp knowing what he did with OW) is about him having those cravings of things I would not enthusiastically want to do. WH has told me that bdsm can be a need in itself. Which I tried to do some reading on, and from what I've read I understood that some people are oriented that way. He is not into it deeply thankfully but he does seem to have those inclinations, so of course I wonder what would happen if those desires are suppressed but grow and I am unable to meet them. He needs to visit a sex therapist. That is not an "orientation". If something has to be kept secret from the circle of friends and family for fear of appearing abnormal, isn't there a possiblity that it is abnormal?
Last edited by HDW; 10/16/12 04:35 PM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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[
Does your husband look at porn and/or engage in swinging? That is very typical when we see someone with weird sexual proclivities. 2cents, can you answer this question? Does your husband look at porn or engage/encourage swinging? People who are in bdsm usually have weird sexual proclivities that come from looking at porn. But when the porn and/or lifestyle is removed, they start viewing SF as a way of making love rather than just getting off, which is what MB encourages. SF is much more than just a "release" but a way of bonding with your spouse. Jackrabbits in heat can get a "release" but that is not what MB means in the context of sexual fulfillment.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2011
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2 penny,
No one has answered your question, have they? What if you cannot (will not) fulfill your WH's 'need' as he believes it needs to be fulfilled? I assume I paraphrased that accurately?
Let me make a suggestion. If you upped the other areas of SF for your H, perhaps this 'need' as he feels/believes it to be will become much less of a need. It would appear that simple physiology may come into play. He can only expend so much energy in a give day, even with drugs and supplements. If you work on him expending his needs by other release methods, perhaps this one that bothers you will not be as significant for him. Just a thought. Her question was answered. Nothing will 'happen' because his wants regarding specific SF preferences are not needs. They're just wants. They should both POJA a solution to SF they BOTH want. That way the need will be met enthusiastically by the OP. If she 'ups' her SF need meeting past her comfort level, she will just create a sexual aversion which will hurt their sexual relationship.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
[
Does your husband look at porn and/or engage in swinging? That is very typical when we see someone with weird sexual proclivities. 2cents, can you answer this question? Does your husband look at porn or engage/encourage swinging? People who are in bdsm usually have weird sexual proclivities that come from looking at porn. But when the porn and/or lifestyle is removed, they start viewing SF as a way of making love rather than just getting off, which is what MB encourages. SF is much more than just a "release" but a way of bonding with your spouse. Jackrabbits in heat can get a "release" but that is not what MB means in the context of sexual fulfillment. I think I also asked you this on your thread. I asked how he began his affair too. If his lifestyle/interests/independent behaviour led to the A, it MUST change.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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