That is the most typical wayward response to exposure ever. This is foggy.

Very typical. Nothing new. Keep filling needs.

Fog babble does not make logical sense. Quit twisting your mind to try to understand nonsense.


Next spew of anger over fog babble you say:

"Yes, I agree. I was mad too. I was angry that to save our family from being destroyed by adultery, I had to expose myself to ridicule. But, I'm getting over it."


*smile*

"I'm making coffee. Want some?"

Fog babble response ~~~> Agree to the opposite of what they say. Do it pleasantly and without a hint of sarcasm.

They ALL hate exposure!! They want to keep it hidden so they don't look bad. It makes them feel shame!!! Yet, it is ok with them to have affairs as long as no one knows! Why would she like it? She is in her selfish fantasy fog - how dare you out her!!!! Don't listen to it!! You did GOOD!!! Now, keep the nice plan A going.

That is what they say every. single. time.

Even the ones who recover their marriages.

Ignore it. It is fogbabble.


Yes, this is what the fog does. Go read some old threads. You will find this has happened before.

Don't try to prove your point to her. You can't educate her. Just stick to the plan (which does not include participating in discussions about how "bad" your exposure was).


It's the fog.

Thanks all. I needed that.

I guess I can't help but think she can't get over it. Good Lord, a month plus and she's still pulling this? I guess I need to back off on discussing and any "apologies" and keep doing the plan A. I mean, she came home, and didn't appear mad at me at all. This is driving me nuts!

Next time the she-devil appears, allow this image to float into your mind.



Gazing directly into Medusa's face might turn you to stone.
Think of your W in a snake wig. Laugh inside your head.

Awesome Pep! Where's Perseus when you need him?

One question: Should I continue what I was doing, ramping things up? Or tone it down a little, but keel trying to fill the needs?

Two things:

FR: If you're going to continue to marvel at the depth, breadth, and intensity of the lies spouted by WW, you should just "copy and paste" a standard complaint each time, something like, "My WW said something hurtful and spiteful to me again today, in an attempt to deflect some of the guilt from her, where it belongs, to me."

Then we could C&P a standard response, such as, "Don't pay any attention to her verbal diarrhea, just keep working the program!"

This would save a lot of typing in future notes.

PB: Love the picture! I would guess there was an "AquaNet" shortage in that market!

Since I'm not used to dealing with mentally insane, I guess it does take me by surprise at times. Writing about my experience keeps me sane. I also do it in case someone notices something about my situation. I guess I'm just hoping to see her come out if this, and when I get glimpses of her coming out, I have nope that she will start to stay out of it. I know better, I really do, I'm just hopelessly optimistic. Probably why I'm not insane myself right now.

By the way (and here I go stepping in it again) the only reason you have not yet garnered the "dealing with the irrational" merit badge is that your children (especially your daughter) have not gone through the teen years.

Managing THOSE creatures is good practice for dealing with WSs!

Yeah, I kind of feel like my wife is acting like a spoiled teenager. Even tonight she snapped "when's 'my son' going to bed?" on a Friday night. Found out after that it was because she wanted to watch something on the TV. Selfishness is really the name of the game with waywards.

Yeah...she is most certainly still bouncing in and out of the fog. Despite telling me she doesn't want to be around me, she seemed to have no problem this morning. Even had plenty of conversation about what she had planned to do today, be very nice to me again. While I know this isn't news to the vets here, it's really fascinating going through it as a BS. Sorry NG, but I enjoy putting my thoughts and observations here. Keeps me sane and focused.

Yes teenage girls are fun......

Her fog continues to come and go. On Saturday, the woman who said she can't stand to be around me (in a Friday email) actually stopped going up the stairs and came back down a step to answer my question of when she was going to go meet her female friend for lunch (not at the point where I can get her to only spend time with me) and gave me full details and consideration; i.e. She talked to me like someone who cares to discuss this, versus the normal "None of your business" that I would expect from someone with the hate. There's been a lot of that the last few days.

I do have a question about little things and what is appropriate to be telling her in things like email. Just looking for some boundaries for my Plan A. For example: We both used to always end emails and texts with ILY (abbreviated). Is it good or bad for me to start doing that again? Things like that. In other words, what affection type stuff should I avoid during plan A? I've heard some say I shouldn't do anything like that, and others say do it. I know I am walking the fine line with looking needy versus trying to be a good plan A spouse, and I want to avoid mistakes like I made last week. I want to make her feel loved without driving her away so I maximize the Plan A in case I need Plan B.

Just found out that MB Radio addressed my email on today's show. I will be listening as soon as I can.

That was good listening. Pretty much as I figured, and the advice is something I keep hearing two sides on, so I will take the good Doc's advice and keep trying to show her my good side and letting know I care, but I'll try not to get all romantic on the messages and such, at least not until it looks like she is changing, which I anticipate will take a few months.

And plan A continues....

By and large, those who take Dr. Harley's advice tend to do much better than those who follow random advice on the forums. He gave you some good advice today. Stick with it!

What you've been describing is a classic example of a woman dipping into and out of Withdrawal. She "plays nice" in Withdrawal to keep you off her case, then enough Love Bank balances get deposited to push her into Conflict where she's willing to engage with you.

Expect those incidents to increase if you keep doing the job right!

Thanks DNM. The hardest part, as it seems for all BS', is learning to ignore the bad side that wants to chew me up and spit me out and remember that it's all fog talk. Easier said then done, especially for me, since I love to engage in debates with people. I keep seeing the withdrawal/conflict bouncing back and forth. One minute she's nice and engaged in conversations like we used to, then she stats having an attitude about small things that mean nothing.

DNM, do you not find this the least bit insulting to the vets that give their time to help people based on the MB concepts? I'm not talking about me at all, but the countless others that have spent SO much time trying to help people they don't even know.

I won't allow myself to speak for others, but frankly, I find this quite offensive to the vets on this board.