When are you planning to do a more effective exposure?

CnAmry, are you avoiding exposure because you are concerned about your husband's reaction?

I am worried. But I'm pretty sure that we are gonna separate. Right now he is out with our 10 yr old son. I'm pretty sure he's talking to him about separating. He hasn't been wearing his ring to work. But I'm am going to call th OW this week and confront her about their relationship and I will call her husband also. I told his family today.

CnAmry, before you confront the OW, expose to her husband and her family members. You don't even want to give her a heads up. Does she have a facebook page? If so, that is an excellent opportunity for exposure.

As far as a separation goes, I would make it clear to him he will have to LEAVE if he does not end his affair with this OW. And he will have to continue paying the bills.

Confront the OW LAST, after you have exposed the affair.

Hi Cn,

I am back from a wonderful weekend away with my Darling Husband. It was quality UA time and just what you wish you were doing about now. Great intimate conversation, recreational companionship, honesty, joint agreement, and of course, SF
with each other that is...

How cruel am I ?

Nasty ?

No, in fact , I am kind. If you ever want to enjoy that time and the chance to rebuild with your DH than YOU MUST CHANGE the way you are interacting with this board and the advice given.

I read through these posts and see that you are not REALLY listening to and following Melody Lanes advice. You need to be fully engaging with her and others in the what to do and how to do it. Discuss, read the replies, ask questions, state your plan, get feedback, discuss again. THEN IMPLEMENT.

There is a way to deal with your situation that will give you the highest possible chance of recovery. No doubt it will be difficult, arduous, even heartbreaking. But, you must follow a very specific strategic plan.

Forget about what your DH is planning. He is in la la land, off with the fairies and doesn't know which way is up. You however have an interactive roadmap. One that talks back and will even help you correct mistakes as you go. WILL YOU USE IT ?

Is there one parent in your household who gives a damn sufficient to connect with the perfect plan and follow it in order to SAVE your family?

. I'm not sure that I understand. You are saying that I'm the one who cares? Yes I care and yes I wanna save my family. From the way that he came home with our son today, he didn't seem like this was the end.

I am really unsure how to get to her husband. I have searched online for a number and I have only come up with everything in her name. I can't find a number or anything listed for him. I have an address and I am planning on taking a trip out to her house, but there is no guarantee that she won't be there. I am really unsure where to go from here.

I am sorry if I seem like I am not following y'all's advice. I'm not sure how to go about any of this. I've never been in this kind of situation before.

Hi Cn,

It is great that your husband is not seeming like he is expecting to separate.

I think you are listening but not really hearing. You need to address Melody Lane directly. You need to say: This is where I am up to with exposure. What should I do next . Check with her / the board generally before proceeding. You need to hear her/their answer. AD HOC approaches just don;t create the same momentum for you.

LIVE on this forum. Check and recheck your every step. 'Never Guessed' has a great step by step program for Betrayed Husbands. I think it may be helpful to you too. Someone clever like 'Brain Hurts' may have a link to that.

You are doing well in that you are sounding much stronger, you have already moved home and are kicking this affairs butt by doing that. Your efforts will become way more effective if you sort out the exposure thing NOW. I am not an exposure expert but ML, NG, IndieGirl and many others here are. ASK ASK ASK and then be sure to do.

Have you read,

studied

taken notes even

from MLs thread

Exposure 101


???

What about hiring a PI, to help with exposure?

Yes, hire a PI if that is going to get you this information. Just go ahead and hire one, NOW!! It shouldn't take a PI long to come beck with the information you need. Stay strong. You are doing this to SAVE your marriage. Over time, you WILL see the beauty of exposure and why it IS the right thing to do if he is in an affiar. You have to kill the fantasy fog for him to have a clear moment. Shining light on the secrets is what makes people face them - usually......

Well, I checked into how much it would cost for a PI and it's not something that I can afford right now. My H is watching our money comings and goings just like I am. So with no way to get ahold of OW H via phone, should I just send him a letter in the mail? How can I get information about her and her H's families without spending a suspicious amount of money?

Have you checked all social networks? Do you have a name or address? What information at all do you have on her?

I have her name, number, and address and his name and age. He doesn't have a phone listed in his name, that I could find online. That's about it. No other info on her H or her really. Just little pieces that I have gotten from my H, but at this point, can't really know what truth he told me.

Was reading on here and someone suggested peoplefinders.com Maybe you can try that. Good luck.

I looked on peoplefinders and still no luck. I'm sure he has a cell phone, but its not listed. Though he may not have a cell, he is almost twice as old as she is. I was thinking of just writing a letter and personally hand delivering it to him. I know their address, but when it comes to contacting him, I am not sure what else I can do.

Why shouldn't I just confront her? I do have her number.

If you confront the OW, she will likely tip off her BH with a spin on the story. It will make your exposure to him or anyone else less effective.

Hi Cn, It is great to see that you are working through your options here. The wisdom is that to gain the most possible leverage against the affair you need to do as close to a single bomb blast type exposure. That means as many people who are in way connected to you and WH as possible all at once. It is better to get your ducks in a row first.


Perhaps if you are stuck you could contact the Harleys again. They are usually very willing to help out previous radio show callers with follow up advice. How about emailing Joyce with a progress report and some detailed questions on how to proceed?

Are you plan-A-ing your WH ? i.e. meeting his emotional needs as much as you are able to imagine what they would be. Since you are clearly not in Plan B (totally dark separation) you should be in plan A. How is it coming along?

Cnamry, if you have her address then why can't you drive to her house?

Can you take out a new credit card and charge a PI on that?

Carrot and Stick of Plan A

~He will allow me to meet some of his needs, but we have not been intimate with each other for a month now. ~