QFT!

I would think that any "vet" would acknowledge that we are only peers, and Dr. Harley is the expert.

Each and every person that I privately consider a "vet" is someone that I have seen acknowledge that they stand corrected, at some point, when they have learned more about what Dr. Harley has to say about a situation.

For the record, Doormat_No_More has a lot of great posts on this subject in his posting history. I encourage you to read his old posts!

oh nononnono!! I agree with DNM 100%!! He is absolutely correct about following Dr Harley's advice. If someone is here offering contradictory advice to Dr Harley, I hope others mod notify it so it can be removed.

Viper, you should have been here a few years ago when I arrived here. The advice given was all personal opinion and had nothing to do with Marriage Builders. It was a disaster.

Fair enough, I stand corrected. I truly didn't take into account the difference between the board then and now.

No offense DNM.

Personally, I value all of the opinions here, even if I don't agree with them. I had some contradictory advice on how to treat my wife at this point, and Dr. Harley's advice was what I needed to hear. When the expert speaks, I think we all listen.

The best posters here try to stick to Dr. Harley's own words for similar situations; they use the articles, books, and radio show as a guide - and some have private forum access.

Even then, we are peers attempting to use the study of the program to help others... sometimes what posters may think Dr. Harley might say isn't as on point. And, sometimes, it's a perfect prediction.

In the end, if you have the opportunity to get advice from Dr. Harley or one of the coaches (including Steve Harley, and Dr. Jennifer Chalmers-Harley) it's going to be worth it.

Be wary of the mood swings, countless cases of the WS getting her fix from the OP, then either being happy or mad again.
Keep your guard up and your snooping.
So many cases of these things going deeper cover.

I hope you are starting on the recovery road. It gives others hope when that occurrs. Seems like very few make that step.

I'll probably never stop snooping. Even if trust is re-established, I'll always want to be vigilant going forward.

What I think is working against me is that she can still look at things like emails, music videos, and such that remind her of him. I can't do a whole lot about that at the moment, but I am planning to dig deeper on the OM and see if I can't find something that will act as a significant LB to her (a girlfriend, or finding out he's actually still married - I'm thinking of going the PI route depending on cost to find out that info - anyone have an idea what if costs to find out the answers for those questions?).

Right now I can't even believe her when she says she can't stand being around me, since she seems to be fine when she is. I feel like the girl on the Diet Dr. Pepper with Cherry commercial hearing nothing but "blah, blah, blah, blah."

Exactly! Those of here know how to screw up a marriage; Dr Harley knows how to save them.

Here's your mental image for when the fog-talk begins;



Chin up, be pleasant, continue your plan!

Here you go.
Private Investigators

ROFL!!!

Seeing as my wife is from huntin' country, I think if I acted like that she might shoot me and put my head on the wall!

Just found out, finally, the name of his wife/ex-wife (don't know which one yet), including a phone number. Sometime, when I get a chance, I'll dial that number and get further into the truth behind everything. I have been trying to get divorce records for Westmoreland County, PA, but I guess they don't have these on-line (at least no civil court records show up under his name, just the marriage record). I did find that PeopleFinders.com provides this info for a decent price, so I may purchase that if I can't get the info I need; i.e. Whether or not this guy is actually divorced. The lack of any intro in the records search and on google, makes me think the guy may still be married and maybe that is why he backed off.

if anyone knows how I can find the info for free...please feel free to chime in. I am hoping like heck that he's still married as that would change the dynamics of this big time, especially if my WW got a call from the supposed ex and found out she ain't an ex (at least not yet). I've been trying to find this info for a while, but was missing a small piece to make it happen.

Did you try this?

http://www.co.westmoreland.pa.us/westmoreland/cwp/view.asp?a=1487&q=611614&westmorelandNav=|

Yes. This is where I found the marriage record. Neither his name, nor hers (including maiden) come up with any results in the civil court search. The 4 searches available have a tax, estate, civil, and marriage search. Marriage records just show them married. Not sure if they would show a divorce in that record or not, but there is a part on there for "How and When Dissolved" with nothing showing next to it. I am ass_u_ming this means they are still married.

OK. Did some random searches on names and found a few records that show the marriage divorce date, and some with prior marriage divorce dates. I believe this means they ain't divorced. OH.....GOODY! I guess I will pick a good time to make a call to the phone number I have on what now appears to be the BW of th OM. Need to gather some proof up so that I can send it to her if this all turns out to be the case.

God willing, I hope he is in fact still married as this will rock my WW's world.

Not, I should note, a good thing for the BW. Didn't want to imply that.

Nice wife shows up more and more, depending on either ENs being met or LBs not happening. Depends on which was the bigger problem in your behaviour. For me it was LBs.

Well it's a very good thing for the possibly-BW to find out now, instead of living in the dark. You are doing her and her marriage a giant favour.

Dang. Just managed to find the civil court filing. Apparently the filing was in 2005 and was finalized in 2011. So he is divorced. Ugh.

So much for that. Back to what I was doing.