czarne two girls were recently dragged kicking and screaming away from their mother in Australia, where she had fled from her husband in Italy and they were deported back there. Please do not run off with the kids. It won't end well.

thanks for that,
I do intend to go a nice way first, then firmly and then a full blow that I will limit his visits to absolute minimum ( as by court decision) which is every second weekend and one afternoon a week here.

I just need to put a bulletproof plan together, be a step ahead of him ( won't be difficult considering he is acting like nuts) and take everything slowly with clear head. Will take time but will get there. Really miss London today....

Great news today! I spoke with WH this morning, we had a very nice, warm conversation, he cried half of the time... I asked him to let me go back to the UK with the girls, and that I would do absolutely anything for him to see the girls as often as possible. I said I was willing to give up all Christmas, all summer holidays, just to get his consent to leave the country.
He said YES. I know it was extremely difficult decision, he said that he is not a monster and will not hold me by force in Spain. Now I just need to get it in writing.
The strange thing is that he asked me to stay min of 6 months in here "to see how the things go".... didn't respond to that, I have learned not to pay attention what he is saying right now as he seems extremely confused.
I am going to speak to the new landlord tomorrow and see if I can get the flat that I went to see two days ago. Cannot wait to move.
My WH still lives with me here until I move out, then he is going to live with his new girlfriend. I have a feeling that he did not want to live with her, but has no money so she offered him her place.
Now the QUESTION is , do I do plan A? I mean, do I behave very nicely, funny, easy going ( I can do that on anti-dep now). He has been very very nice , I can see that he is feeling guilty as he could not stop apologizing. He even told me that when I move back to the UK and he is not happy here ( in Spain) he will move after me ( doesn't mean WITH me...)
I have asked him not to contact me for several months, unless necessary regarding girls. I don't want to see him, not because I am angry, but because when I see him I feel I still love him. Also I need to recover from the nightmare of the past month, so NO Contact would serve me well.
I don't know if this is the right thing, but I really need time and space now.
What should I do now, what would be the next step.
Thank you so much for your advice.

We just had a chat about the future ( not together...) and I couldn't help myself and asked him if he loved her, I know I shouldn't have but it came out. And of course regretted it a second after when he responded, yes, I do love her.
Since they will be living together with her mum, her two kids, her ex (lovely friendly guy) in the same house, I hope it will not last long...

Are you wanting to recover your marriage or are you wanting to divorce? It appears as though you want to divorce. Is that correct?

AM

hi armymama,
I think I am in emotional turmoil, I keep changing my mind every minute.
I am sure however that I still have feelings for my husband. I don't think I can wait for him for two years, but my time line is six months when I am planning to move back to the UK with my kids and leave him behind. At the moment I am really hurting, but it will pass in a few months. I don't know how I will cope over Christmas, will see.

I asked him for NO contact with me whatsoever. I think if I don't see him for a few months it will help me heal, what do you think?

If you decide you want to recover your marriage, read the book, "Surviving an Affair", the material on this site and follow the MB plans. Encouraging your husband to move in with the OW is not part of any MB plan. Telling him that he cannot be in your home or in contact with you as long as he continues the affair is part of MB plans (Plan B).

AM

Thank you AM,
I don't think I encouraged him to live with her, he simply had no choice. He is totally broke at the moment and had nowhere to go, she has a big house and offered him a bedroom.
She lives upstairs with her mother and two kids, her ex lives downstairs and my WH will be living downstair too. ( which of course does not prevent them from sleeping together).
I feel however that living together will kill the magic. He doesn't like her kids, so they will start getting on his nerves sooner or later.

Also with no contact strategy can we communicate by text mess? He will be picking up the kids everyday and to get a third person involved for daily messaging seems not practical at all.

Will get the book today.

Now he keeps hugging me and apologizing and telling me that the time will tell, I don't get involved in this conversation because there is no point as long as the OW is in the picture.
I am doing plan A for the remaining two weeks, then I am moving out and will continue with plan B.
Started taking anti-dep, it does help a lot. No more emotional storms, no more crying and I can speak very calmly without rising my voice.
He wants to come over and see my new flat and help me move, not sure if this is a good idea but I will need some help, at least the girls can see that we are not at each other's throats.
I went on amazon and bought 5 books on dealing with infidelity and "His needs, her needs" , want to become an expert on relationships :o)
If I could move the time forward six months... ( this is when I estimate he will be tired of living with her hopefully)

He keeps walking around me and hugging me on every occasion, this is unbearable. I rather have perfect silence in the house and one ignoring another.

I am going to see a friend of mine and called a nanny for the second time in four days. He keeps asking me where I am going, who with etc. I told him I am going to see a guy that is a friend's friend ( not true, my friend is female).

He asked me if I saw him before and I said yes. He kept asking, how old was he, what he does for living etc and I told him that it is not his business.
I know that this is not MB strategy to lie, but the look on his face was priceless. He smiled and I asked if there was anything wrong with it and he said that of course not, I have every right to go out with whoever I please.
I won't do that again, apart from a temporary satisfaction it doesn't get me where I want to go.

I think it's getting worse with him, just spoke with my D10 and she asked me if I am going to forgive the OW.
I said that she has done too much damage and this is not something to forgive.

Today when she came from school, my WH picked them up, she came to me and said "Mummy you lied, you said that She ( OW) doesn't love me and she was crying and I think she really loves me." My WH met her in the midday and came with her to pick up the kids ( hers and ours)
This really freaked me out.

This afternoon she told me that daddy told her that she is not his girlfriend and that I was lying to her.
What do I do in this situation if he keeps lying to my girl and she is getting really confused. Help please....

I don't think I can tolerate the OW around my kids anylonger...
I will try to get WH sign the paperwork this week and I am off to London.
I think if I stay here I will end up with a nervous breakdown or human wreck.
I need to cut him/OW off completely.
Lying to my daughter is bad enough, I feel they might be putting her against me.

Tell your daughter the truth. Waywards lie and manipulate. Let your daughter know that her father and his girlfriend are destroying the family for their own selfish reasons. She will see this is true, especially if she sees your H and OW interacting.

This is one reason why exposure is so important. I seriously doubt that when it is time to sign paperwork allowing you to take children out of the country that your H will actually sign.

It will get much worse until you act. Dr. Harley recommends that women stay in Plan A for only 3 weeks. If the husband will not end the affair, then the wife should go into Plan B. Women's health suffers otherwise; mentally and physically, anxiety, panic attacks, immune disorders.

AM

thank you AM,
I have told my daughter on several occasions that they are together and that this is the reason our family is falling apart.
The problem is that my WH is telling her otherwise. He says that they are friends, that she is a wonderful woman, and loves my girls very much. I even found an email when she expresses her love to my kids and feels they are her own because the feeling she has for my WH. This woman is sick!

I want to go to plan B, the easiest way would be for me to leave this country, but I cannot do it without his permission. He said that he will allow me out in six months to see how the things go ( which basically means if his other relationship does not work out, he wants his family back!!!)
I don't recognize my H, he has never ever been so so selfish, he is like a person I have never met before. How is this possible.

REgarding my daughter, should I take her to psychologist and ask if I need to tell her the truth?

No. You do not need to spend upwards of $200 to be told you can tell your daughter the truth. Just TELL HER.

You wrote this in your first post. Your daughter knows what is going on. She knows what your husband is doing is wrong.
Your husband is very brazen in flaunting his affair in front of you and your children.

If your husband refuses to stop his affair, go into plan B. In plan B, you do not see or speak with your H. You have an intermediary who filters out the garbage and passes along the bare facts for child visitation and financials. Have you read about plan B on this site?

AM

Yes, I read about plan B,
We live in a very small village and there is no way to avoid one another. I thought the best would be for me to leave Spain and go back to London with the girls.
To to it now not wait as I feel I am in a very fragile state right now. It's been going on for four weeks and although anti depr are helping a bit, I wake up everyday at 4am, cannot sleep, eat and cry most of the evenings when he is at work.

I just need him to sign the consent for us to leave Spain. He wants me to stay here six more months ( to have his cake and eat it).
What I don't understand that he can hurt us so so much and not see it

I think there is a great chance that he'll sign the permission. Just ask him. I would leave him live with her and her kids al long as your kids have nothing to do with her.
I dealt with my WH telling to my DD that OW was just a friend by telling her that dad is not saying the truth because he is ashamed! That worked and now she doesnt pay attention to his denial.

faithnomore, I said to my girl that daddy is not telling the truth because he is trying to protect her... she is still confused and I have problems with my WH as he says that I am very brutal with the truth.... I think the lies are way worse.


I told him last night that I am not well, the girls are trapped in a toxic triangle between him , me and the OW and I need to leave NOW. I explained how it would benefit HIM and he told me he will sign the paperwork next week for me to go back home this month.
I booked a solicitor to draw up an agreement that I can leave the country and he can visit and take the girls whenever he likes.

The exposure hit big time today with all mothers gossiping and my WH came to me and told me that she wants to sue me for entering her private life!!!! She is sick!!!
I saw her crying, she is again playing a victim and saying that her children are affected and needs to move them from school ( she is a drama queen, her kids are 4 and 7) I very much doubt the kids are talking about it in the class. I am sure that mothers do!
My WH was very upset as she told him that she cannot stand it anymore and she cannot be with him.
I am sure that she is playing him and tomorrow she will say something different again. She knows that I am going this month hopefully and saw my WH very confused, so played her victim part yet again...
He told me that she was hoping I decide to leave my girls behind and she could have her man and his kids with her.
I could not believe my ears!!!!!

Czarne,

It appears as though you stirred things up in the affair. It is all very typical after exposure.

I think the ideal thing would be if you and your children leave the country and your husband comes with you or follows you. In any case, get him to sign a binding legal document as soon as possible, before he changes his mind.

As far as OW saysueing for "entering her private life", I hope you said that you would counter-sue her for entering into your marriage. Do you see how silly she sounds? She is the skanky woman interfering with your marriage. It just shows how waywards think. FOGGY.

BTW, your daughter needs to know that Daddy is not telling her the truth to protect HIMSELF and his OW, not his daughter. That is his real reason. And yes, lies are always way worse.

AM