Thanks Sunny, so we can go back to lighthearted bantering then?

I have my Email addy published to the moderators, and have actually emailed them before to ask them If I was offensive in some way, to please let me know. The response was no I wasn't, and they were happy with me and my contributions. So I took it for what it said ya Know?

This is your thread so I will not address questions to NG or UW here anyways.

Just to stereotyping women..from me? Lol, That is so funny really, yeah Sunny there are differences, and similarities also hidden, within both sexes.

Have allways liked that saying.."Big Boys don't cry, but Men do"


Glad to see you are coming along well and hope that class and everything is getting better every day

ABSOLUTELY we can go back to lighthearted banner! I much prefer that.

When it comes to offending people I really try hard not to. Yet, I know when posting to others that sometimes you gotta administer some tough love. Many times I admire people who can be tougher than I am. I just feel that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses as posters - and that's why we work together as a community!

NG, if you're reading along, when I posted this:

And I'm not upset or anything with NG questioning that because I DO think it would be wrong for me to control her feelings and decisions. It's not healthy. But, I did take a little offense that I would be thought of in such a manner. I thought I'd stated pretty clearly that I was helping her through this - felt sad for her - but that she had a good head on her shoulders and was making her own decisions. I think all good parents want what's best for our kids. We don't want them to have to hurt, even if we know it's part of life.

I will admit I had my feelings hurt a bit. I wouldn't think you'd think of me as a helicopter parent! BUT... I always try to see things objectively and if someone's pointing out something in me that is true and needs changing, I take it to heart. You're right: sometimes parents do have a hard time letting go and letting their kids live their own lives. I think at this juncture I've done a good job guiding DD and then letting her make up her own mind as to what to do. But yeah, I'm still a mom - and I still hurt when my baby hurts!

Absolutly!

I remember the quote in Mels sigline from Winston Churchill, about haveing enemys, and I relate it to bring offense also, when we make statements not meant to offend, but somehow they do.

I remember the quote from the good book, from King David, when he was insulted and his servants were going to cut off the heads of those insulting him.."How do you know that the Lord did not send them?",David asked. (Of course I have always taken that as meaning our inner conscience and truth and light)

This community is not afraid of challenge and open discussions based on fact and documented truth, which means I can trust it to tell me the truth about affairs and the human mind concerning them

Quantum Physics well... that's for another Forum..

Yeah I talked to a rather educated young friend of my daughters about Quantum Physics the other day..well commented on it really, cuz as far as Quantum goes,,"Quantum leap" was as far as I know about it, lol

But anyways he agreed with me, that its a mind-bending concept..and actually, I don't see myself studying it, unless I want to exercise my imagination.

I used to work in scientific instrumentation, and there was a lot of interesting stuff involved with that also. I enjoyed it because many of the instruments were used for education, the medical field, law enforcement, and conservation of natural resources.

Maybe I will look into a chemistry degree or something along those lines. Just gotta be at least a little practical and down to earth.

Time will tell.

I will go back and read what your H does, and see if I can find what classes you are taking and what you do also.

One things for sure posting on this forum will someday be limited lol.

Don't get me started on quantum physics! That's just crazy-making there. Biology, I can handle. lol

My H is an engineer. I'm double majoring in Communications and Psychology!

Yeah the engineers are the ones that accually make things happen, instead of the scientists that dream up the ideas, right?

Communications and Psycology sound interesting too.

Its gonna be interesting at the least

i think your daughter is very mature, and wise beyond her years. i wish mine had been that way when she finally broke up with her bf. he treated her badly for ages, then finally cheated on her and that was the last straw, thank goodness. knowing your limits and what you want and need from a relationship usually takes years of experience. i'd say she's one step ahead.

when he returns, they may meet up again. if the love is there, they will. it's easy, as we all know, to do that now. she sounds like a fine young woman.

you haven't said how your speech went!

Ha, ha .. maybe this is why me and my H are a great time: I'm good at the idea part of things and he's better at implementation.

Thank you, Letty. DD learned a lot through what she saw me and my hubby go through: thankfully, she respects what I did to save our marriage and us both for working through everything. So, she tends to listen and take advice. She actually solicits my advice - which is why I feel confident in giving it to her. I'm not just giving her an earful at every chance, KWIM?

BUT..they all have to make their own mistakes, sadly.

I have a feeling that if they stay broken up and he stays there another year past February that when he does return to the states he'll return to his hometown and not collegetown.

I feel very confident in my daughter. I just feel for her. She basically had to go to "plan B" with him today as he was still texting her - saying he was sorry things ended like this, sorry he hurt her, wanting to know if they were "done talking" and all that. She basically thanked him for his concern, said she was shocked they were over but that she was fine - and she didn't see being able to be just friends after the relationship they shared.

I hope she stays strong in this! I feel it's going to hit her much harder after days/weeks of no contact. That's when it starts to really feel bad. He was not just an ordinary boyfriend, but someone she felt was marriage-worthy. They were already making future plans and such. BUT...he has not proven to be worthy after all. First sign of a real conflict and he has no interest in working together but backs off instead of working through. He just kept making excuse after excuse. As I mentioned, his issues were bigger than just wanting to stay that extra year.

I thought I answered the speech question: I give it next week!

But yeah, I'm still a mom - and I still hurt when my baby hurts!

Hurting, and actively believing that one can assist/solve the problem and remove the hurt, are two entirely different manifestations, my friend. THAT was the point I initially was raising. The "ownership" of a coupled relationship has historically been the female's purview - gotta keep the club-wielding lunk around to fend off the sabre-tooth cats, right? - and became, to some degree of caricature, a contract between mother and daughter. Remember, it was not the prototypical Jewish FATHER insisting that his daughter marry a doctor - or at LEAST a chiropractor! (Apologies to any Jewish matrons out there - as well as to any chiropractors!)

I see your point. But I've not been pushing for them to stay together... Sure, I offered up some pointers if they truly did love each other (and were compatible in all the rights ways) to work it out - but in no way did I try to convince her that they should (or must!) do so. I don't like to see people just hit the first big obstacle and give up, no matter who it is. I think our young people need educating on what it takes to make a long term relationship work. We have so many divorces because people don't learn this stuff.

At the end of the day, I'm angry that he made this her responsibility by making it about the long distance stuff. When really, it was about his unwillingness to negotiate & other bigger things. He's 25. Maybe he's not ready for such a commitment. Being that she's 21, I'm glad that she's now not facing such a huge one herself. But he should have been honest with her about what was really going on - not forcing her hand on the long distance front, etc... Shows his immaturity, at least where relationships are concerned.

Maybe now she can find herself that club-wielding lunk - one that's worthy!!!

And hey - our chiropractor makes HUGE money!!! More than most doctors around here! (I know his wife)

CP it was this:

"Yes, and its the relationship thing too. Women seem to find them so important to have, even to the point of having a bad one and dealing with the consequences. Having a good one and the faith to wait until the right guy comes along, seems so hard for women to bear. Like they think they will change Him if they have to.."

that made me state women were being stereotyped. But in actuality I had just read another thread on the R forum with conversations about what women do to, that I felt the same way about. It was the combination of the two that prompted my statement.

There are def differences between the sexes. But not all rules apply to all people, of course. Dr Harley has gotten very good over the years of recognizing and identifying that, however I still read things on the forums that are based on the general male or female concepts, and may or may not be accurate given the specific person.

Like when NG said that any woman who does not have IC in her top 3 needs (or maybe it was her top need) was a 'cave woman.' Oh ya I called him out on that. Given how I talk about my #1 need that could potentially be a fitting anology tho

Didn't take offense, I just happen to be a woman that rarely falls into the stereotypical women category, so those comments stand out to me when I read them. But, it is rather hard to offend me so I didn't mean to seem like I was offended or anything.

Didn't mean to initiate discussion about it or somehow make SunnyD feel like she was an overbearing mom either, lol. Sorry SunnyD!

And even if you were SunnyD, if it is OK for dads to be protective of their daughter by introducing boyfriends to their arsenol of weaponry, then why not for mom's to do the same in their own manner (or the other way around, since I would rather introduce a sleezy bf to my friend Mr Ruger).

OK carry on.

I actually don't mind the group discussion at all! I don't have a lot of recovery stuff to talk about so might as well talk about some other things. LOL

Recovery is going well. We're over the triggery period. We're now 2 years into recovery, really. I mean, this time 2 years ago H wasn't moved back home but we were already in reconciliation mode and had agreed to all the terms. H has been incredible this past week with DD feeling sad - and me feeling sad for her... and just being a great support all around. Everything he has said has just been more proof that he gets it; he really does know all the MB principles!

We've had a hard time getting in a good, quality date night this week because of things that have popped up with the boys, but we are going out tonight!!! (And we did get in UA time, just not the special night out or two.)

I can say one thing: reflecting back I see very clearly how changes I have made have had a direct effect on H's behavior. I've never been a negative or controlling person as a rule, but now that I clearly respect H's leadership he feels more confident to actually lead; because I actually value his opinion, he more readily offers it. It's a beautiful thing!

And YEAH, UW, I agree! If men can be protective of their kiddos there's nothing wrong with women being so as well!!!

On another subject...

I have that speech next week - the informative one.

A little poll here:

If you only had 7-10 minutes to share something about relationships to a group of 20-somethings, what would you focus on?

Honesty, and even the discovery of the truth as it is revealed to each one within the relationship..Priority shifts..emotional need changes, with time and maturity. Growing together is just that, growing, and doing it together while watching over each other, via open and honest communication...

Man you only got 10 mins so..Good luch

Yes UW I guess I should have preempted that statement with "Some or uneducated or dumb Women", or even "Some teenage women/girls". The way it came out certainly did sound stereotyping, but there I go again, "Open mouth,insert foot"

And of course being a young women does not mean they think...(Whatever),Being un educated does not mean it either...I have noticed many young people very mature, even when the adults act like children, many times in my life.

And some Women more smarter and stronger than men also.


Thank you for pointing that out for me, because I am a person with strong opinions, it is even more nessesary to watch what comes out of my mouth. And in a year or so, when I head back to the Campus, I am sure that I will be biting my lip sometimes, lol. Its happened more times than I wish to remember, where I have opened my mouth and inserted foot.

Oh I am the queen of open mouth/insert foot. My main issue is that I am not sensitive and it takes a LOT to offend me, and in general other women tend to be more sensitive than me. So, I say things that I do not find the least bit offensive and apparently, sometimes it is...

Also, I think it is quite funny that your above post has Edit Reason: added SOME before women...lol.

TOUGH. There are so many things to talk about! Funny how there is only 10 minutes to address relationships....

Is it ALL relationships or OS and/or eventual marital relationships?

If the latter, I would def put information about the rule of protection and rule of care. Kind of cornerstone MB principles.

I of course would like to see information about proper boundaries simply because there is NO where else that young people would get that info. But that might need more than 10 mins, and be geared toward marital relationships.

Intentional edit and comment of course, lol.