It's a hard truth to learn that we are responsible for our own behaviors.
Not our husband or wife, but we and we alone.
If you focus on self improvement I promise you life will get better. You will learn that you don't need husband to make you happy.

Of course not. I wanted to ask him to leave the town If he can because I can't right now.

You are saying you can't be happy if he is in te town and asking him to move?

You determine your happiness. Not your husband or where he lives.

Are you on ADs? Going to counseling? Have you reported your co-worker's behavior to supervisors?

What are you doing that IS fun with your DD? In plan B one of the most important things is to plan A yourself...indulge, exercise, have fun, etc. This is REALLY important!

And if you have any sort of custody battle coming up, you really have to control yourself.

I have reported him a few times but for some reason everyone is afraid of him.
I am thinking about ADs. I should maybe be on one. I was just reading that some people feel like they are living in a dream when on AD. I am already feeling that! But if many of you can assure me that they help I very much want to start. Do you have any memory issues with AD?
I am taking salsa classes which I enjoy very much, but it is not enough. I would like to practice archery if I find a class. How do you manage activities with a small kid?
People always tell me to go out, especially with MEN , but I am not that interested.
Problem is I don't enjoy my job as it is. I used to concentrate on work or studies when I had issues in the past, it was a good drug, but not anymore. I am afraid people will notice a great decline in my performance.

I resisted ADs because I come from a very anti-medication family, but it's been wonderfully helpful for me. I'm taking generic Zoloft, and it does not affect my memory or critical thinking at all.

As far as activities...I don't do too much adult stuff right now, I did a bit more when HAM was living nearby and taking DS a few evenings/nights. I have a great church community and from that, a lot of friends. There is another single mom I've become really close to so we go out and do stuff with the kids. Every weekend I plan fun things, whether it's a corn maze, a powwow in town, swimming in the summer, etc. also, my oldest can watch the others for short times, so I go to Taekwondo when my schedule permits (same place my kids go and 1/3 mile from our house. I've also joined the evening garden club for some social time. So theres really a lot if you pay attention to the 'what's happening' section of the paper or just signs and banners around town. Do you have a church?

My H was on ADs for a few years - a generic form of Wellbutrin, and he did very well. No feeling of being in a dream, no loss of any sort. It just evened out his emotions a bit. He was terribly stressed from work and they really helped.

I was also on ADs at one point for a couple of years, actually, an anti-anxiety type of AD. No issues at all, except for some loss of sexual feeling, which I managed with my doctor by cutting back on the medicine slightly.

ADs just even out the emotions a bit, taking off the highs and lows, so you can make better decisions and think more clearly.

What about weight gain?

I have 3 kids.
I create a schedule and try to stick to it. I don't date, don't want to. I enjoy being single and in control of my family and destiny.
We have a lot of activities in the church that we participate in.
As for medication, certainly ask your doctor if you think you need it. But I can say that exercise helps a lot. Get in shape! Running is great. Well the marathon comes from Greece!

No problems with weight gain due to meds. But we also eat healthy foods and had always gotten out for walks.

HDW recommends exercise, which is a great idea. Sometimes people who are depressed are very unmotivated to get out and exercise, but once the depression starts to lift, it's easier to motivate oneself. I have read stats that say exercise is actually just as helpful on its own as meds are; the problem is the motivation itself.

Dr. H. recommends ADs for the short term, maybe a few weeks, a couple of months, until you feel more like your old self. By then, you will be in a healthy exercise routine, eating well, and find some other healthy ways to cope. My doctor recommended yoga, because the deep breathing is so helpful for relaxation. And she was right. The dance classes are a good idea.

And remember -- you are still married. So keep those boundaries very high.

Now I weight 54 kilos, which is the weight I had in high school! This is one of the good things that came out of the situation . I did a lot of shopping because nothing in my closet fitted anymore! This plan is sure costing me a lot!

Church is another thing I am considering although I am not fully motivated yet.

I tried IC post DDay, I went 3 times but it sucked. I am a fan of classic psychoanalysis but you can't find it easily. And maybe with the same amount of money I can pay babysitter for more hours, to do things for myself. My DD misses the amount of time I used to spend with her, but I think I have to heal first and faster is better than slower right?

If you were to take ADs, you would probably start to feel better in a couple of weeks.

With the exercise added to the meds, it would probably happen faster. The exercise releases hormones and chemicals into the bloodstream that make you feel better naturally.

How much time are you spending with your daughter? Do you think she needs a little more time with you because she is feeling badly from the affair fall out?

What if you were to spend an hour or so daily of good quality time with your daughter, talking, bicycling (the exercise will boost her feelings as well) doing fun things together, and then go out for your classes a couple of/three times a week? Would that suffice for both of you?

I would really encourage you to get involved in the Church.
You are baptized Greek Orthodox, yes?

You should contact the Church anyway for an ecclesiastical divorce

So these divorces in my country are really FAST by the new law. They take from 1 to 3 months! Mine took 3 just because I wanted some delay. This is not necessarily bad, it saves you from drama AND the cheater has no time to get organized.
Generally, I am good. I am not even in a hurry to move.

That is good!
I'm also recently divorced

Expendables.
That's what BS and children are to WSs. If you think about it it's not so different from a horror movie I saw last night.

Congrats on your divorce, I wish mine were so fast!

My son is the same age as your daughter and needed me to POUR affection and interest into him in order to adjust to his dad leaving, and he still is having nightmares and fears about death and abandonment. What are you doing to address your daughter's needs? Did you think about the great suggestions above about exercise?

Well she spends a lot of time with him too, so she is not in a very bad shape. I am giving her a lot of love, she is seeing her grandparents more often now. As for excercise I am doing only the dance thing. I have a lot of ups and downs and still considering ADs, but for the moment I sometimes take a b-blocker drug (you know the kind used to slower heart rhythm ).
Btw , JV I have been through your thread and was amazed by the rapid change of you from totally lost to a very composed woman!

Sounds good, Faith, and thanks for keeping an eye on my thread. I'm now back to the woman I was before I met my WH...

I would strongly suggest the ADs. I resisted them but wish I'd started sooner, would have made my plan A time more effective. But they have been so helpful in keeping me calm through chaos, and I havent noticed any other changes at all.

Just going through your thread now, I am on the 6th page :o)

Wanted to add, do not think twice about ADs, I am on 13th tablet and the past two days have been way better than before.

I am sort of numb, stopped crying and don't think of him much.
It takes a while for ADs to kick in, but once they do, you feel very different about very same situation!

Congrats on your weightloss, my target is 54 kilos too!
I am 67 now, down from 86kg.
Kept my fav pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, cannot wait to wear them again.