|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I came here for help, even if I am wrong. Not for judgement or lectures. You are sitting like a judge and jury. And that is exactly what you need. Your problem is that you have a LACK OF judgment.. You have treated your wife in a despicable, shameful way. EVeryone here can judge what you have done wrong.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18 |
She's done plenty wrong in her time as well.
Wife 53
Me 64
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She's done plenty wrong in her time as well. Are you her judge and jury?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
I hope that your wife finds out about this site so we can help her get out of a very abusive relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18 |
No, I'm just saying it isn't all one side.
Wife 53
Me 64
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Looking for advice on how to stop my wife nagging me. Yesterday while she was sleeping alone in the house,she does night work, I went out and left the door unlocked. Ok, so it's not the first time, but this time all hell broke out. She just wouldn't let it go. She said I always make excuses when I apologize to her and it doesn't come over as sincere. It is sincere, but she uses the fact that she has been raped 3 times in her life as an excuse to try and tell me she's scared to sleep with the door unlocked.
I did apologize after a long time but I'll be damned if I give her what she needs when she needs it.
Her Mother died 14 months ago and just before that happened my wife caught me watching teen porn which she says was frightening to see the age difference between them and me and that if I had to do that why not adults. I'm only 64. They were 18, or so the place said, my wife said she did not think so.
Anyway, I swore and promised to stop it and blamed her for it at first. I still carried on doing it and had no idea she knew. I handed her my ipad for something, which she gave me last anniversary as a gift, and when she opened it she was just in shock at the video confronting her, but I blamed her and yet two weeks later she still crie about it balling on and on about how I betrayed her trust and did all this while she was sleeping or working. She said she read my body language and that I no longer gave her any affection and thats how she knew. She talks such utter garbage that I tell her I hate her guts and just want to get the h*ll out of here.
She says she cannot grieve her mother while she feels she has lost her marriage. I finally agreed to give up the porn, but I told her last night that I can get it anywhere I want as I'm smart. She talks a lot obout not wanting her life anymore, not seeing any point in living so I asked her what kind of grave she would like. lol. I was joking.
Anyway, I'm sick of her nagging and carrying on with her crying and sobbing. How can I manage her? How can I shut her up?
She doesn't sleep much and when I ask why she says she's having nightmares.
I do admit I called her a F****B F****C F**** mad woman and what not, but I do that now and then and always apologize later, but she deserved what she got.
I would like some good advice on how to control her emotions.
Thanks,
David The advice I would give your wife on how to control her emotions would be to get the heck away from you, permanently. Read your post again as I have quoted it, and pay special attention to the underlined passages. Then please tell me in what universe you consider that your treatment of her belongs in a good marriage. Is that the way you think a husband should treat his wife? Have you ever observed a good, loving, caring marriage? Does it contain any of the behaviour you have just described? The title of your thread is "what's wrong with my wife?" What is wrong with her is YOU.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No, I'm just saying it isn't all one side. You need to first clean up your side. You are in NOOOOOOOOOOOOO position to criticize her behavior. When you abuse someone as you have, a spouse tends to act out. You are an abusive husband. Do you want to change that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
The advice I would give your wife on how to control her emotions would be to get the heck away from you, permanently. Agree very much. The best thing for her would be to kick him out until he gets help for his abusive behavior.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
No, I'm just saying it isn't all one side. Welcome to Marriage Builders. There is a plan here to fix problems like this, that are not all on one side. What pages have you read on the main site?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Looking for advice on how to stop my wife nagging me. Follow the plan on this site using Four Guidelines for Successful Negotiation and Policy of Joint Agreement. She will quit nagging, and you will be happy.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I came here for help, even if I am wrong. Helping you is going to involve you making some changes. Are you willing to make some changes?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,704 |
Good advice so far.
Some things I don't get. You know your wife has been raped and she is fearful of sleeping with an unlocked door. Why don't you just lock the door? Do you not see how easy it would be to just lock the door and this would become a moot point. Just because it's not a big deal to you doesn't mean it's not a big deal. If it's a big deal to your wife, then it should be important to you.
Telling your wife you're smart and can watch porn and get away with it is like a teenager telling his parents that he can get away with X and Y when his parents tell him he's not supposed to do something. If you wanted to watch porn, then why did you marry someone that doesn't want you watching porn?
And I certainly wouldn't stay in a relationship or marry someone that called me names. Saying she pushes your buttons and she's done wrong stuff is just deflecting and blame shifting.
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357 |
Looking for advice on how to stop my wife nagging me. Your wife is making a reasonable request. It only becomes nagging when you selfishly ignore her request. So...LOCK THE DOOR, ALREADY. DUH!  It doesn't matter WHY she wants it locked - she WANTS IT LOCKED. So lock the thing. End of issue - Sheesh! Her Mother died 14 months ago and just before that happened my wife caught me watching teen porn which she says was frightening to see the age difference between them and me and that if I had to do that why not adults. Why are you watching this trash? I still carried on doing it and had no idea she knew. Why are you lying to your wife? Do you have an addiction to porn? She talks such utter garbage that I tell her I hate her guts and just want to get the h*ll out of here. Why would you talk to your wife like this? It makes you sound like trash, and you're treating HER like trash. Did you marry trash? Are YOU trash? I finally agreed to give up the porn, but I told her last night that I can get it anywhere I want as I'm smart. So...you ARE addicted to porn. And I'm a little creeped out that you are 64 years old, looking at teenagers. That puts you in the pedophile range. YUCK! No wonder your wife is upset. Your porn addiction and possible pedophilia is an issue that needs to be addressed separately before your wife decides whether or not she wants to remain with you. She talks a lot obout not wanting her life anymore, not seeing any point in living so I asked her what kind of grave she would like. lol. I was joking. What kind of horse's [censored] joke was that? I will suggest that you not pursue stand-up comedy as a second job. David, I suspect you are jerking us around, playing games because your cable network was cut off for non-payment. If not, answer my questions or quit wasting our time.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
So you're saying its true that the porn thing is still hurting her? She says the worst part was because I demand a monogamous relationship from her and she sees it as a double standard, and that what I did it on on the ipad she gave me as an engraved gift from her hurt her deeply.
Would that hurt that much? That it was a special gift from her? Why are you asking US? Ask your wife. WE are not married to you. If I were married to you, you would be frog marched to the front door at the point of my gun. Laughed so hard I think I peed myself a little. Darn you ML and your frog march and pointy guns!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197 |
NOBODY can be so selfishly blind as to come on a marriage building site and post a post like this. Too over the top to be believable, hands down.
And if it is 'real' then what I am saying here is your behavior and abhorrent treatment of your wife is so outrageously and pathetically over the top, it does not seem real. And that is not a good thing.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18 |
I have told the truth as to what happened. It's no different than what happens in millions of marriages but those people don't have the guts to come on a forum and talk about it. I will be back but am working long hours at the moment. All I want between my wife and I is some sense of normal. I shall be back to answer questions and take advice as soon as I can. I am not playing a game here. I have been honest.
Wife 53
Me 64
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No sir, millions of husbands do not abuse their wives. It is actually very rare. Being "honest" about your abuse does not negate the abuse.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I shall be back to answer questions and take advice as soon as I can. I think I can help you use Dr. Harley's advice to make this situation better for you. But no sense posting till you get back and answer my question. I am not playing a game here. Actually one game some people commonly play here is to pop in every couple of days and say "I only have a second, I'll be back later to answer your questions." I get tired of that one real fast. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 18 |
I Thankyou for your patience, I am genuine when I ask for help, I come from a upbringing of alcoholism, my father was very abusive throughout my young life and at the age of 20 I suffered a mental breakdown, I never witnessed normal at any time of those years of my life, I am not asking for charity, I know I have done wrong, I am asking for advice to hold my marriage together for that is very Dear to me, I am not running away, I genuinely want Help!!
Wife 53
Me 64
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
David, if you are serious, I would start with the book Lovebusters. Your treatment of your wife is abhorrent and that has to stop first. I was also raised in an abusive alcoholic home but you and I both know that does not excuse our adult behavior. It is never acceptable to call our spouse names and treat them thoughtlessly.
I would get that book,and read the first 5 chapters right away.
When your wife gives you a complaint, instead of abusing her, thank her for telling you. A complaint is an opportunity for improvement in a good marriage and an irritation in a bad marriage. It is like getting an overdraft notice from your bank. You might not love getting the notice, but not getting the notice is much worse. Getting the notice gives you an opportunity to prevent further damage. THAT is how you need to view her complaints. They are a good thing, not a bad thing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (1 invisible),
422
guests, and
88
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,035
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
