I agree with Karmarose and Brainhurts you need to protect yourself. Waywards become selfish and entitled during an A and are wiling to sacrifice financial security to maintain the A.

Please do not think your WH will not do this ... they all follow a wayward script. If your read other threads you will see this is common. My WH pre A was a honest, loving caring husband/father. We always paid our accounts. Now WH is intentionally defaulting on our mortgage and not contributing to joint expense such as rates. He claims he can't afford to pay these expenses (which is b/s) yet he could afford an overseas with OW ... as I type he is relaxing and sunning himself on a beach.

I haven't shown them how much they are talking. But I have told them that he talks to the OW everyday.

I encourage you to file for divorce ASAP.
You need legal protection. You also need to freeze any joint accounts.
Regarding visitation, I don't understand how you can have "plan b" if he comes into the house. You really need a neutral pickup - drop off point.
There is no reason why you should even have to hear his lying toxic voice unless he is begging for forgiveness or in a courtroom.

Please follow the advice for plan B and please see an attorney

I would show them the reports, so they can see with their own eye how their son is lying to them about his affair.

okay, sorry for the very long break. so much has happened. We ended up loosing two of our four dogs in the period of two months. It was a very rough past 3 months.

ok..... Even though, my WH has refused to admit to an EA. We all know that he has been having an EA.

Here's some info to catch you up.

1) exposed EA to his parents, who have both told him that he SHOULD NOT have ANY female friends.

2) exposed EA to our neighbors, who agree with me and his parents.

3) OW has left her relationship and is now living with her brother, which happens to be more local than before.

4) my H refuses to leave my house or my bed. And I don't want to "give in" to his demands, by sleeping in our spare room. I have told him that if he wants to sleep in separate beds, then he needs to move, not me! I have told him that I agree that we need to separate. But he yelled at me and said, "I'm not leaving my f*ing house"

So as of right now, he still sleeps in our bed, though we don't touch.

I know he is still talking to her, even though he has changed the password to our account and I have no access. He is monitoring my emails and my phone records to check who I'm talking to about "our situation".

He says that our neighbor is stressing him out, because he thinks that she is watching his every move. I think that it's because he is now having to face everyone and face the fact that everyone thinks that his "friendship" is inappropriate. Because it is an EA even though he doesn't want to admit it.

So he refuses to come home until after dark and it's late into the night. He doesn't tell me where he goes, but I still have access to our account, so I see transactions for him going out to eat. Which 4-5 entrees are paid for, so he is going out with the OW and 2 or more people. So basically, let's be honest, he is out on double dates.

I am really surprised that I do not have any real resentment toward him. I believe that once he hits his rock bottom, that we can get through this, you know, "forgive and forget".

I have begun to go to a weekly meditation class and I pray for him to find his way back to me constantly. I have found peace. I am just focusing on my boys.

I know that he is starting to come to the realization that his EA is causing him all the stress in his life. I feel that he is close to hitting rock bottom and that the healing will begin soon. But as of right now, I'm basically in holding pattern. I refuse to leave the house and so does he. So I'm waiting for the stress of the lies to break him. I know that this is not ideal, but he has to look our kids in the face everyday and he has to hear our 10 year old tell him how much he misses having him home. Which I know is killing my WH. I feel it's only a matter of time, then it'll all get too much.

He has told our neighbor that he wants to work on our marriage. I know that y'all won't agree with what I'm doing. But I am open to suggestions to what I can do from here.

Thanks for all your advice up until now. I hope that everyone had a great Christmas and a very Happy New Year!!

So he is still involved in his affair and you haven't gone to Plan B?

Who did you expose to on OW's side?

Do your children know? Did you expose to them?

He refuses to admit that it's an affair. He has threatened to leave the house, but has yet to follow through. I honestly do not want him to move out. My WH has also told me that he's not going to leave his f*ing house. I really don't want him to leave, I want to make this work, but I'm afraid that if he does move out, he won't come back. And I don't think that I could live through him leaving me and the kids.

I don't have any contact information for anyone on OW side. I know that she is no longer in her relationship and she is living with her brother, last I heard. I no longer have access to our phone account because he has changed the password and won't give it to me. So I don't know if there is still contact. I'd like to believe that there isn't but I'm pretty sure that there is.

Another confusing situation is that he is accusing me of lying, and he is blaming me for all his stress. He said that he can no longer trust me and he doesn't even want to be around me. I'm pretty sure that he projecting the feelings he is having about himself onto me.

Like I said before, the thought of loosing him is destroying me, and I don't want him to pack his things and leave. Even though everyone has said that needs to happen, I'm afraid that if he leaves, he won't come back and I'll loose him.

And he knows that and continues to use that as a sword to your heart. Call his bluff. Get on ADs and focus on yourself.

What is ADs?

I'm trying to focus on myself, but I find myself constantly trying to figure out how I can win him back, which probably pushes him further away. But I'm really scared to be alone. I met my husband when I was 18, we've been married for almost 17 yrs, he's the only man that I've ever been with. How can I let to of the one man that I told myself I'd be with forever? And the only man that I've expierenced everything with?

Anti depressants. Your not doing anything you can't control his actions just your reactions to the previous.

I just wish that I could find the strength.

Ok, first you need a plan and stick with it no matter what your WS does. Are you in plan B or A?! Write your plan and your steps to ensure victory on your thread for review. Has the affair been exposed?! Are you going and active in church. You need to buck up and be a parent to your sons! Think of what they are learning from you now!

We are not active in church.

The fact that he has never admitted to being in an affair made it hard to get his family to believe me. But they have finally admitted to me and themselves that they believe me.

He told me that he feels uncomfortable coming home now because our neighbors know. So he said that he wants to move out, but I'm afraid that he will move in with the OW if he moves out. And that will allow his affair to blossom. Because then he won't have to face the uncomfortableness of his affair. He no longer speaks to his family and he has alienated everyone. The only time he feels the awkward and uncomfortable situation of his A, is when he comes home to me and the kids. He wouldn't have that if he didn't come home every night.

Our son texts him almost everyday and tells him how much he misses his dad and how much he wants him to be at home. I'm not sure if this makes my WH feel good, or worse. I would think that it would make him feel worse, because not only is he disappointing himself, he's disappointing our son too.

CnAmry, is there some reason why you are not in Plan B? I can see the reason why your husband has not ended his affair. He knows you are not serious. You won't stop him and he knows it. How is he supposed to take you seriously if you aren't serious?

I see you had Plan B advice since October last year. I think ML is spot on. Get into plan B now. The truth is not all WS respond in the same way. Some are more stupid than others. My WH had to move in with the POSOW and live with her for 7 mths before he realized he made the biggest mistake of his life.

Plan B preserves your sanity and your health. What actions can you take to separate from him?

I'm scared of him leaving. I love him so much. I don't want to loose him. And he's blaming me for everything. He blames me for being stressed at home. and he blames me for "the eyes" that are "watching" him come and go from the house. I don't want to see him move in with the OW. I'm afraid that if he moves in with her, I'll never get him back. That it'll just strengthen his relationship with her, and weaken our marriage.

I have been looking for a job, but nothing has come my way. So if he leaves, I have no money. Though I'd hope for him to realize that his family needs to come first, but with his head in the clouds, I'm not sure he'd think like that.

I think that I might leave our house with my boys. Leave him alone to take care of things without me. And I won't plan on coming home until he asks me to return. He's gonna eventually miss his family, right? He will want to see his boys, won't he?

You got the above advice in October. 4 months ago and nothing has changed since then?

Why have you been still allowing your WH to remain under your roof? Why do you feel you have to take the children and leave?

If you do feel that you have to take the children, do you have somewhere to go and do you have an IM arranged to oversee visitation pick-ups?

Are you ready to do a true Plan B? For your and your children's emotional health and not to make him "get it"?

Many have given up on you CN, because you have not put up a fight for your marriage.

CnAmry, a better plan would be to see an attorney and file for legal separation or D, spousal and child support. Start putting aside savings from your joint account by cutting back on expenses eg. grocery bill, etc. Would your parents be able to come stay with you the first few weeks? How about other support systems? Church, play groups etc. Your neighbours seem to be willing to lend a hand. It's been said many times before MB is counter intuitive. To win him back you have to cut him off! He is happy with the way things are right now as he doesn't have to make a choice. I'm not seeing you getting out of your situation at all. All you are doing is making yourself sick.