And listening to the radio show daily?

The radio show is key!

Take a look at the three states of mind in marriage:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3600_state.html

Withdrawal,
Conflict,
Intimacy

In withdrawal, you aren't even open to having love bank deposits made, and you don't want to be around your spouse. Your wife has been there.

In conflict, you ARE open to having love bank deposits made, but you are not open to meeting your spouse's needs. Conflict looks pretty ugly.

Love Busters (Abusive behavior, demands, disrespect, anger, affairs, thoughtless independent behavior) put a spouse into withdrawal.

It sounds like you made some progress and your wife moved from withdrawal to conflict.

The big key question now, the question she and we are all waiting to find out the answer to: while she is in conflict, will you engage in more love busters? If you do, she will move back into withdrawal. If you don't, there's a good chance that the state of intimacy will become a real possibility.

Thanks markos. I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground. I'm going to send that e mail when I get off work

I've been considering sending her an email. Any opinions? If so any advice?

Saying what?

Draft it up and post it here.

It'll have to wait a little bit. Sitting in the woods while my boy hunts. Please check in a couple hours

Good that you're spending time with your kids.

Have they mentioned that they have seen any changes in you?

Absolutely! I'm gaining a whole new relationship with my kids.



I've had second thoughts about the e mail. *Edit* (my wife) talked to my mother this morning, they are very close, and my mother got her worked up and spouting off everything i have ever done. Then my mother topped it off by telling *edit* that I was considering moving back in. Which im sure pissed *edit* off. My Mothers advice to me has been to go home the entire time. I sent *edit* a text tonightthat said:

*edit*, I just got off the with mom. And I'm sorry if she upset you. The one thing she said I wanted to clarify. I did not say I was thinking about coming home. Thats been her and dads advice to me all along. I've tried to explain to her that I don't want to be in the house unless I can try to be in your heart. I miss you and the kids every second of everyday. You dont have to text back i just wanted to clarify.

So as soon as i start making love deposits something happens to piss her off again. I had a talk with my mom and asked her to just be *edit* friend as much as she could. My mom is getting very frustrated also.

I'm so glad you are experience a new relationship with your kids.

Keep walking the walk and working on your areas for improvement.

Did you write the email to the Harleys?
Does your mom support your marriage?

Just finished the email and yes my mother supports our marriage. Im just having a hard time keeping her focused on the end goal.

Now *WW* wont text me at all. Its hard not to get depressed. I do miss *edit* something awful.

*edit*
I know everything I've done in the past. I'm not proud of the man I've been. I've been working hard everyday to improve myself as a father and as a husband. I've come a long way but I also realize I have a long way to go. I wish I could be there to prove to you that I'm changing, but I know I'm not wanted there. I'd like us to be able to work on our marriage together as a team, NOT go back to the way we tried before. We both slipped back into our old ways which is never going to work. I know there is a lot of mending and a lot of healing that we need to do. I want to become your best friend and the best husband and father to your children that you could ever hope for. My priorities are where they should have been all along. I hope in your heart its not too late for me to prove this to you everyday for the rest of our lives.

This is a rough draft. I dont think the timing is right today but i could sure use some advice on it and when to send it

It looks good so far. I agree to wait on sending it.

Did you email the Harleys?

Have you tried asking her out on a date?

I did e mail the harleys, and no I didnt ask her out on a date. She told my mother today that just the sight of me made her angry.

How long does it usually take the harleys to respond?

Usually a couple of days. If you do not hear back from them by next week notify the mods and they will let them know.

What kind of things does she like?

She likes antiques. Flea markets and stuff

When you dated what kind of things did you do?

That's the bad part, we never really dated. Met in February got married in September. I don't think she would agree to go anywhere right now anyway. I can't get her to stop hating me long enough.

You mentioned your wife's was interested in antiques, are there any historic towns within easy access that you could have either lunch or afternoon tea and visit the local antique stores. This is usually popular outing with anyone keen on antiques.