she saw him as a friend and it just happened. Still not an excuse..

what an nc letter exactly ? That is what I will be talking to her about today.. I will tell her to leave her job, if she hesitates about or tries to justify my decision then we will probably not work out.

My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent

Alot of things will change around here, she is on the tightest rope, where one look at a guy can end it. I still believe she is remorseful .. I do. Only her actions to make it work will determine our future. I rather be upset for sometime over a divorce then paranoid my whole life. She home i'll be back on later.

A) I will protect my spouse and their feelings above all else.
B) I will not participate in any one-on-one meetings with anyone of the opposite sex.
C) I will not discuss my personal marriage issues with anyone of the opposite sex.
D) I will not attend clubs, strip joints, or any such establishment
E) I agree to use POJA as a basis for all decisions.
F) I will be open and honest with my spouse at all times about the past and present.
G) I will provide my spouse a daily schedule of all appointments and contact information.
H) If I need to make an adjustment to my schedule, I will notify my spouse of the change immediately.
I) I will make my spouse�s phone calls my highest priority by answering them or returning them immediately.
J) I will avoid all chat rooms, porn, member sites, etc.
K) I will trade phones with my spouse at any time they request, NO questions asked.
L) I will leave my phone accessible to my spouse at night/or anytime I�m home.
M) I will commit to at least 15 hours of undivided attention with my spouse to meet each other�s ENs every week (time working together does not count toward those 15 hours).
N) If AP finds a way to make contact, I will immediately end the contact and notify my spouse about it immediately after.
O) I will install a keylogger, GPS, or any other tracking system my spouse may request.
P) Anytime I have the thought, �I don�t want my spouse to know about��.�, I will call my spouse immediately and tell them my thoughts.
Q) Anything else my spouse wants as a boundary.

Use this as a starting point for working further on your EPs. Add and change items that suit your situation.

Im 100% positive my wife was on her pad, she has terrible cramps and i obviously see the evidence in the bathroom garbage.. She will not have sex with me on her period, yet alone someone she would want to impress..

which is what i avoided and a co-worker easily offered and took advantage of her by getting her liquored up and making the move, before she stopped it and called me to come get her.

she said she would do a polygraph test if we had to

I will be telling her today that she will be leaving her job. If she does not want to that will explain to me more and I will then ask her what she values more, what I feel or her current job her affair partner.. and i will go from there.

Schedule it tomorrow. What did she say when you told her to leave her job? Please note the change I made in your post.

I will leave you with another important point. I've already expressed my conviction that after an affair is over, there should be no contact between a spouse and his or her lover. But there is a related issue that is often ignored. When you marry, neither you nor your spouse should have any contact with any of your previous lovers. Anyone that you've ever loved is a temptation for you, and has the potential of re-igniting your feelings of love.

she argued if she left her job, and we break up she is left with nothing, not until we get passed all this and knows her marriage is safe she will then leave, its the advice her mother gave us, I'm still having an issue with this. I gave her a decision, its either me or the job.. she spoke to her mom, and somehow it got turned on me, What happened was that she lacked intimacy and it led to what happened, but she said she should of not done it and its remorseful, but said im immature for making her quit cause we do not work it out she is out of a job, I seem to be blamed for what has happened and I do not think i could handle it. I think a divorce will be hard, but probably easier then what I feeling now,

update: she spoke to the guy.. now he seems more awkward and does not talk to her, she called and said she will look for a new job. is this because he avoids her now or is she doing it for me, she said she realized the type of person her is and cannot work there. what does that mean.

but leaving now will put us in financial difficulty.

the problem, i have is we need the money, so she cannot just quit without having a job.. that's my problem, we will be in hard debt if she leaves. I came to a conclusion where im just not going to care what she does, and see if she gives a crap about how I feel.. If i see nothing then its done. I gave her a choice.. she said she will look for another job, cause she wants us to work it out, but leaving now will put us in financial difficulty.