Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
In this radio clip he describes "mid life crisis" as a form of denial: here


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
MB Radio Link:

Dr. Harley addresses hoarding. He explains that hoarding is an emotional problem and not always an issue of habits. He encourages therapy for the hoarder and spouse and even plan B if the hoarder refuses to stop hoarding:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03115#

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Dr. Harley addressed a forum thread concerning Ausburgers Syndrome on today's Radio Show.
He stated that Ausburgers is not a mental illness or disorder and that it has been dropped by the medical professionals DSM.

A link to the Radio Program will be posted when available.

The thread I believe Dr Harley was specifically addressing in his show is here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2684389#Post2684389

Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Dr. Harley addressed a forum thread concerning Ausburgers Syndrome on today's Radio Show.
He stated that Ausburgers is not a mental illness or disorder and that it has been dropped by the medical professionals DSM.
This summary is a bit misleading.

In the latest diagnostic manual, DSM5 which was published within the last week or so, Aspergers has been subsumed under the general classification of autism. It is no longer being regarded as separate from autism by the American Psychiatric Association. Rather, they are classifying autism as being on a spectrum, with sever cases where people do not speak or interact at one end and milder cases, which until now have often been classified as Aspergers, at the other.

That's not quite the same as saying that Aspergers "is not a mental illness or disorder".


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
In other words, rather than people being classified as having Aspergers, they will be classified as autistic.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
On today's Radio Show Dr Harley addressed a cheating wife that has depression.
He explained that depressed people cannot receive love bank deposits.
He said that chronically depressed people will often resort to drugs, affairs and other self destructive behaviors to get a quick feel better.

He encouraged the caller, John, to try to stay with her until the children are out of the house. he encouraged the wife to continue seeing a psychiatrist for treatment.

He told John about a similar case where the depressed wife returned and Dr Harley worked extensively with them and they are still married, although Dr Harley noted they are not "happily married."

A link to this show about Depression will be Posted when it is available.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
A very informative statement from Dr Harley about diagnosis and treatment of emotional and mental disorders in children:

Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Dr Harley's Statement:

Testimony to:� Senate Early Childhood Policy and Budget Division
Willard F. Harley, Jr, Ph.D Date:�
March 9, 2006

Re:���� Senate File 2841:� A bill for an act relating to early childhood education; expanding screening to include socioemotional developmental screening; amending Minnesota Statutes 2004, section 21A.17, subdivision 3.

Mr. Chairman, members of the committee:

Willard F. Harley, Jr.� I have a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara.� In 1976 I was licensed by the state of Minnesota as a psychologist to provide diagnosis and treatment of emotional disorders.� Over the past 30 years, I have diagnosed and treated tens of thousands of Minnesota residents as clinical director of 32 mental health clinics that were located in 10 Minnesota counties.� While I am presently retired, I have had considerable experience with the diagnosis and treatment of emotional disorders in children.

A childs brain is in a constant state of physiological development, which, in turn, significantly affects his or her social and emotional development.� A childs brain is in the process of becoming a functioning mind, but as it develops, it often makes the child do some strange things.� Since a developing brain commonly produce social and emotional quirks in children, many worried parents came to my office concerned about their childs development.

My experience had proven to me that even children with severe social and emotional symptoms one year could be completely symptom-free the following year with no counseling or drug intervention whatsoever.� So in almost every case, when these children were brought to me, I recommended no immediate treatment for them.� Instead, I counseled their parents to monitor their behavior, and report back to me every six months or so.

Having tracked many of these children that I assessed, I am now more convinced than ever that my approach was correct.� Im reminded of one child in particular who, at the age of four was almost mute, and possessed practically no social skills.� Today, without having undergone any therapy for her social or emotional problems, she is completing dental school on a full scholarship at UCLA, and is planning a June wedding.� From a social and emotional standpoint she is outstanding, and would be one of the first to object to this legislative proposal.

Because of continuing neurophysiological changes, the social and emotional problems of a four or five-year-old can be completely gone, or completely different, a year later.� But even when assessments are given a week apart, they have been shown to be very unreliable.� For that reason, false positives, where a normal child is diagnosed to be abnormal, are common.

And then, ask yourselves the question, what will be done with these assessments?� The answer, of course, is therapytherapy for those who dont need it because the assessment was incorrect and therapy for those who dont need it because their symptoms will disappear anyway because of normal neurophysiological development.

Therapy is not benign.� It is not something that all of us could benefit from sometime during our lifetime.� It can hurt people, especially if a person has been misdiagnosed.� Its like having surgery when you dont really need it.� The advantages must outweigh the disadvantages. As director of what was once Minnesotas largest network of mental health clinics, I constantly reminded the therapists of the risks of what they did.� They could help people, but they could also hurt them.� Since I was particularly sensitive to the harm that counseling and drug therapy could do, all of our therapists were carefully supervised and therapeutic outcomes were reviewed weekly.

If you take what Ive been saying to heart, ask yourselves this question, would all of you be willing to submit to social and emotional developmental screening?� And if the screening were to find you needing therapy, would you submit to that as well?� You would know, of course, that it would all be recorded in a permanent legislative file.� Thats what happens when children are screened in an educational settingtheir records follow them through school, even when the assessments have been wrong.

Our schools have an important missioneducating our children in the basic skills of reading, writing, and mathematics.� They also learn about history, science, and art.� This mission has proven for generations to be extremely valuable for our children.� And theres never quite enough money to do it as well as we should.� But when schools start to think they are in the business of providing social and emotional assessment and therapy, significant resources are diverted away from the mission of educating our children.� And they are at risk for severe social and emotional damage.� Children without problems or with only temporary quirks are labeled and given counseling and drug treatment that is not benign.� It can hurt them rather than help them.

I encourage you to avoid making a terrible mistake.� In the end, a social and emotional assessment of young children will not only eventually catch many in the trap of unneeded counseling and drug treatment, but will also take limited resources from the true mission of our schoolseducating our children to become skilled and informed citizens.

Public Domain
Source: http://www.edwatch.org/updates06/031506-Harley.htm

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 6,870
Really good post Jedi

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
On today's Radio Show, Dr Harley addressed personality disorders.
Caller Donnie is married to a woman that probably has an electric fence personality
Dr Harley explained that personalities can't change but people with personality disorders can rise above their emotional responses.

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
On today's Radio Show, Dr Harley addressed personality disorders.
Caller Donnie is married to a woman that probably has an electric fence personality
Dr Harley explained that personalities can't change but people with personality disorders can rise above their emotional responses.

That is where the buck stops.

Emotional/Behavioral/Mental disorders, unless they are life-threatening or completely maladaptive to any human interaction at all, are; chronic, uncurable, TREATABLE conditions.

The Marriage Builders program sets forth a plan of treatment specific to adressing these conditions within the setting of marriage, as well as interactions that protrude from that center (work, extended family, friendships, etc).


Most of the time, mention of disorders by people who have a distressed marriage are an attempt to explain odd behavior, or a demonstrated lack of care. This is really little more than a distraction.

Put simply, in a distressed marriage, everyone is mentally ill. Buck. Stops. There.

Under any distress, everyone is mentally ill.


In the case of a distressed marriage, the treatment is to fix the marriage. End the distress, end the illness.

There are very few cases ever brought up that any type of disorder prevented the program applied as inteded didn't work. Usually, only under cases of abuse or a spouse with an addiction.


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549
Likes: 10
Bump


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Page 5 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 193 guests, and 58 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
ViiMege, kalmiya, holderroger508, Seraphinang, ScreamArt
71,920 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Advice pls
by BrainHurts - 12/24/24 02:50 PM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Blackhawk - 12/12/24 11:08 PM
Newbie here. Advice appreciated. MLC??
by Dynamiq - 12/06/24 05:02 PM
Separation
by BrainHurts - 11/27/24 08:59 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,619
Posts2,323,475
Members71,920
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5