Even on this thread, posters question if my ex wife actually had some type of mental disorder.

However, if you are reading this thread wondering if your spouse is crazy too, absent a previous diagnosis, I caution you that although waywardism is a characteristic of many disorders and waywards tend to demonstrate other diagnostic characteristics WHILST wayward, waywardism alone is not a mental disorder and MB can and should be still attempted first because it's unlikely your spouse is truly mentally ill. Unfortunately, way too many betrayed spouses spend way too much time trying to psycho-analyze and internet diagnose their wayward spouses...time that could much better be spent fighting the affair, learning the MB program, taking care of themselves, taking care of their families, working at their jobs, etc.

In my specific case, I am unaware of any diagnosis.
I proceeded under the assumption that she had a emotional disorder after Dr Harley told me she probably had one.
But when outsiders looked within, they always found her behaviors bizarre. My thinking had actually became insane because I defended and covered up te bizarre behavior. (which actually enables it and did not help her)

According to the BPD organization, most of them aren't diagnosed because they don't think they have a problem and (and probably wouldn't trust any professional that diagnosed them anyways).

These emotional disorders seem quickly dismissed by some.
In my case, they were quickly dismissed when I came to this forum. Even on this thread, posters question if my ex wife actually had some type of mental disorder.

As Dr Harley clearly states in the Radio shows above, there are people born with these traits and they do exist.

These emotional disorders seem quickly dismissed by some.

MB Radio link:

Dr Harley addresses personality disorders and types.�
He explains that if persons with a personality disorder chose to follow his program they can do so successfully.
He also cautions some simply can't become more thoughtful.�

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=0754#

I know someone on this thread who scored HIGHER than me and they are able to use the program too!!

That's because a lot of them are bunk. And Dr. Harley says they are bunk. Just because such things as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia exist does not mean that there's really such a thing as "narcissistic personality disorder" or "intermittent explosive disorder."


Some of them, yes. Not all of them, according to Dr. Harley.

That's why he uses the term "Electric Fence Disorder"

I've never seen him use the term "disorder" with his "electric fence" concept.

[

I don't know if Dr. Harley classifies a high score on his test as a "disorder" or not, but I suspect I do probably have something akin to obsessive-compulsion in many respects. But that's just me armchair diagnosing myself. The thing about being OCD (or whatever) is that you still have to confront the fact that you can't demand your spouse comply with your obsessive preferences, and expect to have a good marriage.

He says that most people he has worked with throughout his career have "personality disorders." "Just because a person has a personality disorder does not mean they can't work this program."

He has never had a case where the program didn't work when they worked it, regardless of their "disorder." "People can rise above their personality problems and become thoughtful people."

He discusses the personality test he gives us when we sign up for his course. The higher the score, the harder it will be to use the program. I - personally - scored VERY HIGH and even though it has been tough, I have learned to be thoughtful and have learned to use the POJA.

I know someone on this thread who scored HIGHER than me and they are able to use the program too!!

Dr Harley is not a medical doctor and is not in a position to diagnose a personality disorder.

Your post has been edited to remove the words "personality disorder" which you have consistently used to describe what Dr Harley said about your wife, to now read "emotional disorder" as if you used that phrase all along.

I think you should admit that you have been using the wrong terminology all this time and that Dr H did not say your wife has a personality disorder.

Dr Harley testifies against gay marriage before the Minnesota State Senate.
He said most gay people have mental disorders and encourages changing orientations from homosexual to heterosexual.

His testimony is at the 53:00 minute mark on the YouTube Video.

http://www.prop8trialtracker.com/2010/03/06/the-minnesota-hearings/

Dr Harley also wrote a book Defending Traditional Marriage:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6027_dtm.html

barbiecat:

I don't usually put much emphasis on MLC because it tends to be a distraction when trying to solve a marital problem in the most efficient and effective way possible. For example, if a man has an affair, some might argue that it's due to a mid-life crisis which should be treated first. The therapeutic plan would then dictate that he resolve the issue creating the crisis (he's unhappy about the way his life is turning out) and then address the affair itself. Since those having affairs usually want to delay ending them, they like the idea of extended therapy. But the time it takes to complete therapy for midlife crisis usually results in a wife and children long gone.

Granted, when a man has come to my office deeply depressed, wondering if his life's worth living, even I have used the term, mid-life crisis, to help describe what he's going through. Sometimes, in an effort to rise above his depressive state, he uses alcohol and drugs, and very rarely, infidelity, to treat his depression, which invariably makes him even more depressed.

The problem of mid-life crisis, and the resulting deep depression, is almost always due to a man's career. But if he's using drugs, alcohol, or having an affair as a way to treat his depression, my first order of business is to rid him of these self-destructive measures, and then to treat the mid-life crisis. His short-sighted solutions are far more damaging to him than the problem itself.

Why isn't the issue of mid-life crisis mentioned more in my articles? Because it's a very rare cause of infidelity, but a very common excuse to avoid prompt action to end an affair.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.