Thank you all for your comments, have been busy this week, organizing things. Still lots of paperwork to deal with...

SugarCane, I am in North Finchley, my question to you is have you recovered from 2 year PA? Did you husband move out to OW?

FNMore, I wanted to do laser surgery but do not qualify. Nevermind, will have new boobs next year if all goes well!
And a tatoo, love tatoos, my H never approved.

HFuture66, read your entire tread, gosh, you went through hell and back.. you know what they say, If you are walking through hell, keep walking.( I would say: start running)

I am on emotional roller coaster again. Spoke with my MIL and she expressed how sorry she was for the situation her son caused.
And that he said he did it wrong etc, I cut her off there and said that I don't really want to know anything about him.

Today my D10 was on the phone with him and started crying and called me to the bathroom. I asked what's wrong and she replied that daddy said that he loves OW very very much so she put the phone down and was worried that he got upset and will not call her back. I told her not to worry that I am sure he will call and he did.
However hearing from her that he LOVES her (OW)very much messed up my entire evening, and now I am here crying again.
This is exhausting.
I had wonderful time last week, naively thinking that I am getting over him, but of course this is so not true, still raw and open wound.
It's been three weeks in plan B, I am extremely strict with it right now, I don't even pick up the phone not to hear his voice.
Just to think I need minimum 6 months in plan B to actually detach, it is eternity isn't it?
Waiting for my clinc to process my registration, I am running very low on AD, will need another pack or two for sure.

Then this Christmas thing... not only is so family orientated celebration for me, but to think that I will need to move the girls from A to B.... so much pain which ever way I look.
The good bit is that they are not crying now as much, they can have a chat with WH and seem ok... at least more often than not.

Czarne. It's not easy hearing about their lurve. It's tough seeing your children's pain when they hear it.

My DD16 gave her father an ultimatum family or OW, he replied OW had done nothing but love him and accept his kids.

I wouldn't put a time line on recovery, it's part of the grieving process and it is different for everyone. Just be gentle with yourself, acknowledge your emotions so you can heal, but try not to dwell on them to long, focus on you and your girls.

Christmas is a hard time, it's a time you share with loved ones and families. You can make this special for you and the girls thinking of something you can do that could be a new tradition for you or maybe make some decorations with the girls ... anything that can create new happy memories.

Find a way to do it! You 'll feel like a new person. And about the tattoo. I have an appointment for early December ! Do you want to share in my thread or here what design are you thinking? I can't choose !

FNMore,
I need to lose two more stones to get back to pre-pregnancy weight and then get a tatoo:o)
If it goes as it is now, I should be in my target weight within the next three months, if my WH gets on my nerves in December while visiting I will lose the weight much faster...

Choosing a desing was very easy for me, but the tatoo has a symbolic meaning, this is probably why.
I don't want just to decorate my body, I want this tatoo for life therefore there must be some meaning to it.
I chose straight away a butterfly.
Very cheesy if you think at first, I want it very graphic, plain black lines, slightly tribal and primitive design.

I am a woman which can handle spiders, mice, lizards of all kinds, but I am extremely frightened of butterflies and moths, never knew why?)
I remember we went to a "butterfly tunnel" once in London Zoo, there were thousands of butterflies flying freely around visitors, I thought that they were going to be behind the glass.... I nearly had a heart attack and could not wait to come out... the crowd was making it even more unconfortable, I couldn't breathe...

So the first meaning butterfly has to me is to be strong, brave, courageous, and feel no fear or fight it.
The second meaning is that I am changing, and changing fast to a person I once was... or better I hope, and a butterfly is a symbol of change.

I just need my bum slightly smaller and then I am ready.

Had a bad day again, keep thinking about him all the time, need to start putting a big red STOP whenever this is happening.

when I said that I need my bum smaller and I'm ready I meant ready for a tatoo...

A butterfly sounds like a great choice given the personal significance.

Wow, my first choice is a butterfly too, the second beeing a tulip. Keep posting to keep your mind out of the drama!

I found a great article about fathers who leave their kids:
http://www.smartmarriages.com/coleman.html

I went of FB yesterday to show OW to a friend of mine and she posted photos in a group with my WH holding her. I went ballistic. Just before that my D10 had a very hard time accepting again that we are separated ( she has mood swings like this pretty much every other day...)
I hate him, seriously I am at the stage that I could kill him with my bare hands for what he has done to us, especially the girls. Egoistic, selfish pig, only ME, ME ME and what I I I I feel what I, I, I want, what I, I, I need. Nobody else matters to him, yet so many people are affected.
I normally don't hold feelings this strong against anybody but I could kill this OW too. Just looking at her face makes me sick.
Need to change my focus to something pleasant....
Starting work next week. I work from home, so won't make any new friends, but money should start rolling in :O)

cz,

You need to really stop these Plan B breaks. Looking at OW's facebook is only going to hurt you (as you found out).

Block her Facebook now and WHs so you can not check them again. I know it's tough, but you must think of you and your DDs first.

Thanks for the link, czarne. I just dropped DS off with his dad for a day and every time I pick DS up, I see HAM just drifting around, not even sure how to leave. I see his shabby apartment...wow. He is looking better than he did four or five months ago but thats just his self imposed amnesia. Anyways, I digress...

I agree with BH, don't do that to yourself. As for your kids, acknowledge their anger and helplessness over the situation, be brutally honest about your own feelings, too, and don't accept any blame from them...but love on than and help them get their lives back on track. They are grieving and going through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance) and they will go back and forth between them, as will you. Let yourself feel!

Have the kids started school yet? Are they having trouble adjusting to London? Make sure to honor their experience in Spain, cook dishes together they liked there, talk about it...but help them get excited about London...if they don't remember it, tell them stories of what you used to do there with them, or things you did I there as a child (is that where you grew up)? Give yourselves plenty of space to grieve...but also make your lives full of living. It dulls the pain. Any time that you and the girls spend laughing or having fun together helps you all out...you really can get so your love banks for each other are so full you are super happy. And that is when the breaks in plan B will make you come crashing down.

BHurts, I know, this was so unintentional, I had a bottle of wine and a good laugh and thought that I can handle seeing her face again.
Was so wrong. Won't do this again.
Also will limit his contact with the girls, he calls too many times a day and makes a soup of my D10 brain. She was always a daddy's girl and is not copying with the family break up well.
He is definitely coming over Christmas, lovely!
Not staying with me, but with his friend I suppose.

JV, lovely idea to organize a different Holidays, some new exciting celebrations to bring into our "new" family.
Need to get creative!
Lot of love to all of you, thank you for being here for me.

My D10 had another horrendous evening. Crying, blaming me for not loving daddy, asking if I take him back....
She keeps telling me that we do not go out in the afternoons after school as she used to with daddy and OW.
OW used to take her shopping to the shopping centers, to the beach etc. We had a very different lifestyle to the one we have now. We used to live on an island, where is always hot/ winters are warm and the ocean is short drive away.
In London it's raining, cold and dark past 4pm. I cannot take her to the beach, there isn't any, I hate shopping malls, don't have much money...
I am taking her to the cinema, exhibition, markets and starting swimming this week. I like activities but educational ones, not shopping...
My D10 cried to me that daddy said that he feels so sorry for her that she is home all the time and that I don't take her out.
I was this close to call him...
and tell him to send some money so that I can take her where she wants to go.
He is not being supportive at all, I honestly don't understand how he can be so blind and thoughtless.
I have a feeling that OW is behind this to some extent.
I hate the fact that he is sharing with D10 HIS pain, rather than being strong for her and supportive of my actions.
I feel extreme pain too, yet I hold my tears after the girls are asleep and cry when they are not around. My D10 thinks I am taking the separation lightly because she does not see me cry.

I try to be as strong and positive as I can, eventough inside I am boiling and could strangle him with bare hands.
Is this possible that sometimes I still feel love for this guy, when most of the time I feel rage?

I breached plan B again...
I emailed him. He will not be able to email me back as his address in on black list and gets deleted automatically b4 I see it.
My IM emailed him a week ago requesting to control what he says to my D10. He is sharing his pain with her, and saying how sorry he is that they are not having good time with me?????
I am more than fed up.
He did not respond to my IM email, not sure he read it or just ignored it.
My D10 is crying every day, she would be better with no contact with him, but this is not an option.
Don't know how to go about sole custody in the UK, but need to consider it seriously before he comes in Dec.
I am crying everyday now. Again.

Forgot to add that I did not email him to ask him back. I emailed him with concern about my D10 and her behaviour and asking him to stop sharing his unrealistic ideas and details of his life with OW with my kids.
He told my D10 that he had to choose between living happy with OW and living unhappy with mummy so he chose OW, then he asked my D10, you want daddy to be happy right????
no comment.

Well, he now knows that he has you spun up. Waywards cannot stand being ignored. If the only way he can get to you is through DD10, then that is what he will do. He now knows that he has your attention and you are thinking about him.

Don't break plan B for this kind of garbage. Your daughter(s) know that his comments are not right. Give her/them permission to either hang up the phone or not talk to him when she is upset.
When she gets off the phone, give her/them a big hug.

I think pursuing sole custody is a good idea, especially since H contributions are negative emotional feelings and no financial support.

AM

Exactly.

cz, all you did by breaking Plan B was let him know that he is getting to you through your DD10. He may do worse now that he knows.

You need to quit breaking Plan B. When she is all upset you need to tell her how sorry you are that she feels this way and be strong for her.

Imagine how difficult it would be if he was in the same country and had weekly over night visits with her and could have her saying she wants to live with dad?

Have you read Scotty's thread? Her DSs had a tough time and Scotty had to let them be around the OW on their visits with dad.
Scotland's Thread

This is when I really feel I made a right decision to leave his country. I think I would end up in psychiatric ward if I had to bear his weekend visits with OW.

Another thing annoys me, he has no respect for peoples time. I have emailed him to contact the girls between 4-9pm. He always calls past 9:30.
I live with my cousin in a small flat as a guest, she goes to bed at 9;30, she teaches in high school and wakes up very early, on top of this she has sleeping problems.
So when he calls at 9:30pm to say "good night" to the girls, which is a lovely thing, he gets my D10 in a sad mood and then she keeps asking me questions and crying for another half an hour ( that is after 30 min conversation about nothing...) so the entire household is in a bad mood for another hour and then we are ready go to bed..
I don't mind him calling late as long as it is a weekend.
I think he feels I am limiting his contact, while I think he is being very selfish ( nothing new) and disrespectful to my cousin.
He could easily call during the day for five minutes just to say HI.
Just now (9:45pm) he phoned my sister to call me and tell me that he wants me to switch on the phone as he wants to talk to the girls. I said to tell him that it's a school day and they are already asleep, which is true.
I am sure he is going crazy there thinking I want him out of the girls' life, which is exactly the opposite. I very much appreciate his efforts to be with them in daily contact.

Today I feel better. Wanted to read Scotland's thread, but it is 300pages!!! Will try to split it in bits. I hope she recovered at the end.

If he doesn't follow the set time allowed to talk to the girls, do not answer the phone. A few times of missing the call he will call at the set time.

BHurts, yes, he just learned his lesson.
He is now calling at 4pm, even though he works in the afternoons, he found a way.

My IM received an email from him which was directed at me ( as a response to my email) and obviously I did not read it.
But my IM told me that it was typical blaming me for everything, that I tricked him to sign the papers and run away with the girls.
MY IM said that she doesn't want to disclose the details, email was long... but she is telling me this because there was one sentence that caught her attention and is allarming.

WH basically wrote that the girls should be with him in Spain ( and the OW) as they are very unhappy with me in LOndon ( they are unhappy because of the affair and family split, not the region where we live!)that I always longed for single life ( it doesn't mean that I want to be without my gilrs, just needed a break sometimes) and that he made a mistake to let me out with them.

My IM is worried that he might want to take my girls back to Spain without my permission, and it would start a litigation process that is extremely costly and leghtly, it might be years before I see them again.

I am seriously freaked out.
I will need to see a UK family lawyer asap.

I

Yes get a lawyer asap and secure the children's passports. Does he have copies of their passports?