You need to listen to the advice. You have a chance to kill the A with exposure. It the A ends and you do recover your marriage, the fact that you exposed will be a key factor in that recovery.

Exposure gets the truth out there, it will plant the seed of doubt in the minds of anyone who has heard the spin given by WW & OM.

Your children need the truth, it's not the truth that causes damage, its the A. Dishonesty or sweeping the A under the rug will cause more harm to your children. They need the truth to protect them from the wayward behaviour. You don't want your children growing up thinking this is acceptable behaviour.

You are letting the WW control what the kids are learing about her and the OM.

You do not know nothin' about fightin' affairs.

Yet you have some real good affair fighters coaching you here.

And what do you do?

You tell the experts I'm not going to do that. A dummy that does not know anything about how to fight and kill an affair.

Notice I did not give advice on what to do?

That is because there is no use repeating what others have said.

Oh, I will add this.

Do you know that statistically that a daughter's chances of being molested by the OM greatly increase when the dad moves out and lets the OM move in?

In a perfect world you could burn his lake house down with him in it.
But you can't.
The fact is your children need you in their lives.
Your wife has decided to act like a selfish evil adulteress woman.
The question is: how will you act?

Will you allow this useless sack of manure to be around your kids?
If your wife likes being in bed with with useless cockroach then she can move her [censored] out.

I encourage you to move back in and tell the worthless bum if you see him near your kids or near your wife you will ruin his miserable sorry life.

Yeah, she took her last week and she spent two nights there! My wife stayed at her parents house and he stayed with my daughter...I can't control that because it's an hour and a half away and she doesn't want me there!

Are you high? Drunk? Or just abysmally stupid?

You are cool with a 3-time divorced scumbag currently boning your wife, to spend the weekend alone (ignoring his spawn) with your daughter? You good with that? Ignoring for the moment that it's probably illegal, you weigh the fact that it's 90 minutes away and say, "Nah, too much trouble!"

You, sir, should be reported for your complicity in what will happen very shortly to your child. You might be lucky and all he'll do is share some mutual fondling with her. Of course he might orally or vaginally penetrate her, or worse. Hey at this rate, he might turn into the baby-daddy of your first grandchild!

Keep us advised, okay?

Whose child is the 23 year-old? Which one of you was married before? Did you current marriage begin while you were married to other people?

My wife was married for 2 years before me to a man that broke her nose. She also suffers from mild depression and post traumatic stress disorder from a tragic event she witnessed at 10 years. This condition makes her unable to control. The more you pressure her with choices the more she will fight and resist!
I've been tryin to expose the affair to all I know and I'm current going around town and telling her friends of the affair.
The real problem I have now is that she believes she loves him and she is only capable of loving one man and he is her choice! Going after him will only make them stronger against me! Bullying her is not a choice she will resist!
It seems in most cases the spouse having the affair still wants their married spouse too. My wife has decided she wants him and I need to go.
Her family has told her how they do accept her behavior but she still goes to him, (which is the control issue mentioned) I don't want my kids around him and she knows this but she tells me they are going to stay with their grandparents and does different when they are there. I have no legal right to keep them from going!
Now, the name calling I'm getting from some of you on this site isn't helping anything and its petty and small! I'm going what I can and what I feel is right I don't need your belittling!
This affair took me a while to find out about because we trusted each other and she never kept anything from me. I'm guessing its into the 4th month and she broke off all physical contact with me about that time. That is in line with her commitment to only one person , him!

She was married at 19 to her first husband and had a daughter it ended with abuse in 2 years, (that was the first marriage for both). I met her about 6 months later and we dated for about 4 years before we married. She is my only marriage.

You need to find another hobby your approach is offending to me! Why would I respect your opinion after your personal attacks?

About six months later than what? Than when she left him, or than when the divorce was final?

Believe me I would love to kick his [censored] and I've got a ton of friends that would love to help, but she feels strongly for this guy and that would make it worse! I've thought of contacting him but I don't have anything to say that would changes his mind and she would know and be angry and feel more for his side.
Now I'm letting stay in the house for the rest of this month because she is not from here and has nowhere to stay until she gets her apartment in Jan. she is a teacher and loves her job and I don't want her to lose it either.
I feel at this point I can only let her move out and hope that she eventually snaps out of this and wants to come back. I will then only agree to counseling before we decide . You have to understand that this is totally out of character for her . I would have bet my life 6 months against this happening! All my friends are in shock !

She was completely divorced when we met probably for a few months or so I never asked. We didn't talk much about it

Since you never asked, I wonder if you can be sure when the divorce took place.

If she has a habit of starting a relationship before the last one ends then she sees nothing wrong with what she is doing to you.

I not running out on my kids! I still go to there sporting events and take them to and from practices, etc... I see them as much as ever. Im only across town. They need to stay in their house and resume normal life and not be involved in this they have school and sports to worry about not us!

Her name was back to her maiden name when I met her that is the final issue in a divorce in this state. She was living at her parents house. She doesn't have a habit of thus type. I didn't ask my h about it because it was hard for her and she was showing early signs of depression then.

You really don't know when the divorce happened if this is all you are going on. Surely in the States a woman can use her maiden name any time she likes?

Look guys I love my wife! If you saw her and got to know her you would too. She is beautiful, smart, funny, quirky, fun to be around. I've been trying for 3 months to figure this out and stop it but she resists. She filed for the divorce, she got her own checking account, she found an apartment, etc... She is set on removing me from her life at this point. The more I do to stop it the angrier she becomes with me! I can't have her back if she doesn't love me anymore, what good would that do? I'm to the point now that I have to let her go and hope this bum shows his true colors and when that happens she realizes what I meant to her. Making her angry at this point would only work against me! Her famy knows how I've been through this and they are on my side all the way. If I kick her out shut off her phone, etc... I will become the Enemy to them and that won't help!
My daughter flat out doesnt want to talk about it and I respect that. She knows and she sees me as the bigger person in all of this that matters to me

So what kind of help are you looking for here?

I'm positive the divorce was final I could even find the paperwork at the house and get the exact date but it doesn't matter. What happened here us she snapped when her dad got cancer and decided life is too short she then found him and he supplied the emotion of admiration and concern for her and she needed that she then told me we were done and went with him! It's totally out of character for her but her mind isn't right and I know this! She has lost a weight and seems uptight and nervous all the time but the bond between them is too strong for her to break at this point! It's taken me this long to accept this and I'm still in shock but I'm going to have to move forward and hope her relationshipexcused)
with him fails and she wants back. If that happens ill decide then what to do.

I don't really know! I've been shocked and confused by all of this. I never thought I would be in this position and when it happened I started looking for answers. I've read all kinds of books that have all kinds of approaches to fixing the problem but none of them really hit home with me until I read, "His Needs Her Needs" That book hit the problem we are having right on the head and helped me understand what Im facing. Since that book was so helpful and I thought maybe the author might have a website that would support what he wrote so I came here, but the approach I'm getting here is not what I believe I need with my situation. I have many outside issues with my wifes depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that doesn't allow for me to use scare or bully tactics on her. Plus she doesn't want me in her life so I have no leverage in trying to stop her affair! It seems in most affairs the cheating spouse wants to keep their family. My wife at this point wants her kids and boyfriend and not me! I've come to the realization last evening that my only option is to let her go figure this out on here own and hope that maybe she sorts is out and realizes what I mean to her and this family!

Forgive me if you've been asked this, but have your read Dr Harley's Surviving An Affair? That is the book that you should re reading to guide you through his programme for affair busting and recovery.

Since you like HNHN and it resonated like no other book, then read the book specifically written to implement Dr H's anti-affair programme.