You are getting honest opinions...on your original thread. Why did you start a new one?

Your feelings and opinions on how it will be received are inconsequential. You are obligated to tell this woman the truth for no other reason than: it's the truth. You have invaded her life in a very intimate and destructive way and she has a God-given right to know about it.


Choose one, but get it done. Personally, I'd hope you'd have the fortitude to, at least, tell her via telephone if you don't have the fortitude to face her. And yes, introduce yourself as "Liz, the woman with whom your husband has been involved in an adulterous affair for 7-plus months."


Provide her whatever details she requests.


Are you kidding? Decency? Depend on his decency? The decency of a man who's been betraying his family with you for 7-plus months? Holy cow . . .

Your AP is caught within the throes of an addiction. He is addicted to the high of the affair, not necessarily to you. You know this, as you described it YOURSELF as being "like a drug." If you don't expose him to his wife, he won't stop. He will continue to contact you until you break down. If you don't break down, he will seek out another woman to act as his crack pipe. Believe it, Liz. As much as it hurts to have to face it, you're not that special; you're just available.

Put a stop to all of it NOW. Tell his wife.

Do you not like the advice to tell your victim about the crime that you have committed against her? Are you attempting to find people who are going to tell you to continue being deceitful?

The OW deserves sympathy when she truly had no idea and thought she was dating a single man.

That ship has sailed, Liz!

You NOW know he is married and you know you are a long distance secret (and that means you are probably not the only one either!). If you are now seeking permission to NOT tell her, then I'm afraid you are falling into the co-conspirator role and that is unacceptable.

She has always known.

My mistake, I thought she didn't know at first.

I think OW here is asking for permission and sympathy for her actions. I'm not buying the "oh poor wife" bit.

Uhm, no? I have expressed gratitude for the opinions shared here. Don't know what you are talking about.

Well, we actually don't have to guess.

It's all yours, Liz: listen to the folks here, bite the bullet, and confess your offense to your victim....or not.

"Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth." Luke 15:10

"Same here." NG 03:12:12

In a later post, you said that you had ended the affair, blocked his email and phone.

Can you clarify which is true? What kind of bind are you actually in? Is the affair ended permanently or not? Is it your goal to end the affair or are you hoping to give a divorce ultimatum?

She's talking about the fact that you started a new thread to ask the same question you asked on your first thread - about whether you should confess. Her question was asked on your second thread. It looked as if you started it because you did not accept the answers from those already posting to you.

Hi, Liz;

did you get to read these links?

I started the thread here because someone suggested it was a more appropriate place for it and then a mod moved the original thread as well.

Thank you Markos. Good info.

Same questions. Please clarify your goals and purpose here.

AM

General question: Does Dr. Harley recommend that the AP tell the BS? I understand that Dr. H states that the affair should immediately be ended and exposed. My question is "By whom should the affair be exposed?" If the main purpose of exposure is to end the affair, what is the goal of the AP exposing an affair that already ended? The AP might be able to clear her conscience and enlighten the BS and prevent future affairs, but to my understanding, those would be side benefits of exposure; they are not the main purpose of exposure. I agree that it is an excellent idea for the AP to tell the BS, but I'm wondering if it is actually necessary for the AP to do it if the WS refuses.

Would you want to know if your husband was cheating on you? Regardless of where the info came from, would you want to know?

Thank you Jessica...this has been my question.

Yes, I did end the affair...TODAY. I was wondering if HE should tell his wife. After reading here that it is unlikely he would be forthcoming, rather he'd make me out to be the stalker, I decided I should inform her myself. I was unable to get a work phone number for her but did contact her on her work email stating that I was deeply sorry to tell her of my role and I gave her my contact information if she wanted details or evidence. As I indicated earlier, I have blocked MP's phone and email. I told her I would not be in further contact with him.

Anyway...thanks again to all of you. You supported me in doing the right thing, which I knew was the right thing all along, just needed to hear it from voices of experience.

The answer to this question is: whoever KNOWS. What matters is that the BS gets the truth.

And that is exactly why you should have informed her. If you had pressured him to do it, it would have not been done.


Good job!!