Sorry need to vent.

I have just had the 3rd phone call today regarding payment of arrears for our joint expenses. So sick of having to deal with the consequences of his actions, whilst he holidays etc.

My main gripe for the day is his lawyer...seems to have a wayward brain. Recently she was "kind" enough to express that she thought I only needed one week after Isildur left his family to move on with my life. Obviously one week was enough to repair my heart and the hearts of my children ... we should be fine.

I know they can only act upon their client's instructions but she seems to believe his wayward fogbabble.

My lawyer contacted her regarding visitation and my conditions, she actually attempted to lecture him on the appropriateness of me asking DS7 if he would like to visit and stay overnight. Stated that he is only a 7yr old child and doesn't know what he wants.

How dare she attempt to restrict my rights as a parent to make decisions based on DS7 best interests, his welfare and his wishes. I have at all times respected DS7's relationship with his father and have given him the opportunity for contact. I have told DS7 it is ok to tell me what he thinks and feels in his own words.

Given the wayward behaviour and PEGI's lies and manipulation I am NOT about to make DS7 visit if does not want to visit particularly if this has a negative impact on my son and causes him distress. How dare she imply my son has no rights and his wishes/opinions are not even considered/valid.

Venting over

Saw the Hobbit yesterday with DS19....fantastic movie.

Couldn't help but think of the similarities between PEGI and Smaug.

PEGI: Covets Mr & Mrs Happy's "gold", destroy's their "kingdom" of Happyville.

Smaug: steals the dwarves gold and destroy's their kingdom of Erebor.

A fire breathing dragon is a good comparison ... she closely guards her "hoard" pillaged from raids on Happyville and breathes fire on those who attempt to reclaim. Time to slay the dragon and reclaim my kingdom.

Awesome comparison.

Thanks LR, its good to have a bit of tongue in cheek fun

Don't let PEGI into your world. This is NOT a part of Plan B. You should be focusing on erasing any thoughts of PEGI from your mind. She means NOTHING. There used to be a saying that was passed around here a couple of years ago, in regards to OP, "It could have been a goat". It meant that it wasn't about that OP. The affair happened with them because they were around at that moment, and they were willing. That's it.

Scotty you are right I need to rid PEGI from my thoughts. Unfortunately with recent court case for interim SM lots of info came to light about her. DD17 recent stand against the A and her pain also shed light on PEGI's behaviour ... not very Plan B but DD was devastated and the information will be very useful for custody and Separation Agreement.

My Smaug reference is my way of dealing with recent revelations and her intrusion (particularly outside court room) in my life.

I know I need to not waste any mindspace on the "goat"... sometimes it's hard I do let her creep in when faced with wayward challenges.

Merry Christmas to all fellow MBers and your families. I wish you every happiness for the New Year.

merry christmas, happy. you are stronger this year than last, and none of the [censored] you went through this year broke you! i hope you have a lovely day with your children.

Merry Christmas

Thanks for the Christmas wishes Brain and Letty. Yes I survived the year and all it's challenges! I won't be sorry though to see the end of 2012 ... roll on 2013

I had a really good Christmas and felt blessed that I was able to spend the whole day with my wonderful children. I have always valued my family and enjoyed sharing Christmas with them, but this year being able to spend Christmas Day took on a whole new meaning.

My children enjoyed the day and whilst I'm sure their father was in their thoughts they never mentioned him.

I particularly feel blessed that my relationship with DD17 has healed and is strong again despite the damage caused by Isildur and PEGI's actions. DD17 has shown strength of character by standing against the A. This took great courage as she was aware of the potential response. She has also displayed many other admirable qualities in relation to her love of her brothers and myself.

DD17 was sad (although she expected it) that her father never contacted her - no card, text, email or phone call. He spoke to DS7 & DS19 a few days ago for a few minutes to wish them a Merry Christmas and to tell them he would be unable to call on Christmas Day as he would be away (OW parent's farm) and there was no cell phone reception. Maybe he will contact our 3 children after Christmas and hopefully give them a present. DD17 as yet has not received anything for her birthday (few weeks ago) and isn't expecting anything.

HappyF, how are you, haven't heard from you for a while, how are you doing?

Yes happy, how are things?

Brainy & Czarne sorry for the radio silence and late reply. I thought I'd better find my thread in the depths of the forum and post an udate when I came across your posts. I appreciate you checking in on me.

The last 3/4 mths have been something out of "Pursuit of Happiness". Sadly I was unable to post on MB.

I've been trying to catch up on threads I had been following and many new threads. It's sad to see so many new BS.

Hopefully I can condense my update without my post becoming a novel, so much has happened during my MB absence.

The main positive achievements:

1. I managed to source the funds to pay the mortgage arrears and prevent foreclosure After a 6mth process to obtain an early release of my super, approval was received the day before the foreclosure notices expired.

2. I commence part time work in a week's time at a local school. It's only 12 1/2 hrs but I offically return to the workforce and hopefully the hours will be extended or I'll be able to scource some additional part time work to fit around this.

Lots of rollercoaster moments as I faced each new hurdle/challenge. A couple of low moments.

I read my Xmas post where I was soo looking forward to the end of 2012 and welcoming 2013. I had such a positive outlook after a long traumatic year, little did I expect "Pursuit of Happiness" to continue rolling along.

DS19 is starting university mid year, decided to take some time out after a long difficult year. Mum's death and Isildur's behaviour had a huge impact on him. Hopefully he'll be back on track and ready for the year ahead.

DD17 completes her final year of school this year. In mid March she had contact with Isildur and has resolved the fallout. Isildur advised her of the foreclosure by telling her "the big day was coming"

DS7 has been enjoying school and is about to commence football (soccer) although the season has already started. After 6 1/2 mths no visitation with Isildur he and DS19 spent an afternoon with their father 13 weeks ago. They went Christmas shopping He hasn't had another visit since. Isildur was ringing every 1 -3 wks but has recently started calling weekly.

A huge bonus - DS7 has not had ANY CONTACT with PEGI.

DS7 has had a few emotional meltdowns dealing with disappointment. He has had to face so much grief, loss and change in less than a year. Unfortunately I wasn't able to spend as much time with him as I would have liked, dealing with bank (foreclosure) working (6wks contract which was more time consuming than anticipated) and preparing mum's apartment for rent (downstairs in our home)

I needed to rent mum's home to pay the mortgage. It was tough for the children and I do this. Particularly as it meant storing, giving away and selling some of mum's things.

DS7 out of the blue stated he was thinking of a plan to bring dad home. He mentioned something about everyone being good. I was concerned he may be thinking dad left because he, his brother, sister or I had not been good. I reinstated that Isildur left because he had a GF. That it is wrong to have a GF/BF when you are married. PEGI asked him to leave our home and live with her. Isildur did not make a good decision.

I'll post more later about more recent events.

Thanks for the update.
I cannot remember, is there an official divorce in the works?

Dissolution can't be filed before 28.11.13 ... minimum 2yr separation.

Thanks for updating, and sorry to hear its still a roller coaster of sorts. Helping our little fellows through this grief is so hard, and makes it so clear why infidelity isn't just about a husband and wife but instead an injury to the whole family. My DS doesn't want his dad home anymore, but he doesn't really want to spend time with him alone, he would rather that his dad came back to visit ALL the family he abandoned and not just him. Good news about PEGI'S not having contact though! How is your DD handling things? Is school going well for her?

It's good to hear from you Jen. DS7 last night told me he was still sad and angry that dad didn't come to nana's funeral. He doesn't normally ask to see his father although he did yesterday mention he'd like to see dad but doesn't want to stay overnight. DS7 doesn't want to spend time with PEGI ... none of the chidren do.

DD17 is going well. She finally saw through her father's fogbabble and PEGI's lies and manipulation. The damage to our relationship has been repaired and it is wonderful to have my daughter and our relationship back. She had a major fallout with her father. The first person to stand against the A and call him on his behaviour. She had no contact for 7 mths and only recently re established contact.

Sadly it's true adultery is a betrayal of the whole family and the collateral damage can be huge.

I haven't posted in a while lots of wayward drama and ongoing legal battles with Isildur.

DS7 has had 2 visits with Isildur in 11mths. Now with DS19 & DS7 birthday approaching Isildur would like his children to have an overnight visit. Up until now DS7 hasn't wanted overnight visits nor has he wanted to see PEGI. Isildur wouldn't agree to day visits because he lives too far ... 30-40 mins away.

Isildur is using the birthday and siblings presence to enourage DS7 to stay overnight. He has planned a full fun weekend so no doubt DS7 will start wanting to stay overnight.

There has been lots of texts tonight encouraging DS7's relationship with PEGI. DS7 doesn't like her nor did he want to spend time with her. Fortunately he hasn't had contact with her in almost 12 months ... what a blessing given her negative influence and the damage she has caused the children.

DS7 was so happy he told me about some of the texts, I didn't have the heart to stop him from telling me. "What type of cake would you like, PEGI would like to make you a cake" "Would you like to make a cake with PEGI?" "PEGI is so looking forward to making a cake with you, she'll make a chocolate cake and you can test it" I simply smiled at DS7 and said it's nice you will spend time with dad and have a special dinner.

It's so hard hearing this given PEGI's attempts to turn my children against me and my recent confirmation that Isildur paid PEGI $4k+ a month while he intentionally defaulted on our mortgage and was willing to let the bank foreclose. Neither of them were concerned about financially starving us out of our family home, nor how we struggled financially as I met payment of all joint property expenses from my limited income.

Wow, that's awful to have to be exposed to PEGI through your kids!! Hugs to you! Are you doing anything to pamper yourself while they are with their dad?

I'm glad you listed your positives as well...yay for saving your house! Will you be able to recover some of the financial loss when you get to a legal divorce?

Hugs to you!