...she has been growing cold to me and has been going out more. Am I wrong to get suspicious?

Well, I'm glad you came here so I could allay your suspicions.

It is almost a certainty that your wife is "going out" with the express intent of trolling for another affair partner, or hooking up with one she has already found.

Let's review, shall we? You married the "perfect woman" and she cheated on you. You found out and spent countless days telling us how you blamed yourself, as much as we told you it was all on her. You and she papered over the appalling betrayal she committed without exposure, JC, or establishing EPs, and you found it expedient to "trust" her again. SURPRISE!!!!! She's off to have, or continue, an affair for the second time. Does that about sum it up?

Merry Christmas!

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You seem to take pleasure in making people in pain feel worse. It is vile. I hope when something bad happens to you (and it will), you experience the contempt that you so lavishly disperse to others.

Yes, Pokerface most of your questions have already been answered in my previous posts. Although I still have a lot of pent up emotions, I do not plan to police my wife.

I do not have the energy or time. The way I see things, it took so much out of me to forgive her and gave her a second chance. If a 2nd affair were to happen and I hope to god that never happens but if it were to happen then I would not have it in me to do it again.

The vast majority of couples I counsel who have been through the horror of an affair, have better marriages after the affair than before. It's because the affair jolts them into recognizing the need for building an affair-proof marriage, and the safety precautions they use help them create compatibility and love. But has the offended spouse forgiven the offender in these marriages? Yes and no.

First let's try to understand what forgiveness is. One illustration is telling a person who owes you $10,000 that he won't have to pay you back. You "forgive" the debt. In other words, forgiveness is eliminating a obligation of some sort.

But we generally don't think of money when we think of the need of forgiveness. Instead, we are concerned about inconsiderate behavior that has caused us great pain and suffering -- the pain that an affair causes, for example. Forgiveness in these situations means thinking about the person as if the offense never took place. That is extremely difficult to do. The offended spouse usually thinks, what can he or she do to make it up to me. How can I be compensated for the pain I've suffered.

To make matters worse, whenever a wayward spouse sees me for counseling there is rarely regret and rarely a willingness to compensate the offended spouse. They usually ask to be forgiven, but that doesn't mean he or she is deeply remorseful. It usually means that he or she doesn't want us to bring up the subject anymore, or require a change in behavior. In other words, the wayward spouse wants the pain suffered by the offended spouse to be ignored or forgotten. Like a $10,000 debt, they want it forgiven, and then they want to borrow another $10,000.

I'm in favor of forgiveness in many situations, but this isn't one of them. In the case of infidelity, compensation not only helps the offended spouse overcome the resentment he or she harbors, but the right kind of compensation helps restore the relationship and prevents the painful act from being repeated.

In most cases, an offended spouse would be unwise to forgive the wayward spouse without just compensation. It's like forgiving a friend of the $10,000 he owes you, when it's actually in the friend's best interest to pay you in full because it would teach him how to be more responsible with money.

As it turns out, in every affair there is a way to adequately compensate the offended spouse that is good for the offender and good for the marriage. At first, the offended spouse may not want to be compensated. He or she may try to get as far away from the offender as possible to avoid further pain. But if the spouse asks for forgiveness along with a willingness to compensate, the offended spouse is usually willing to entertain the proposal.

...she has been growing cold to me and has been going out more. Am I wrong to get suspicious?

Well, I'm glad you came here so I could allay your suspicions.

It is almost a certainty that your wife is "going out" with the express intent of trolling for another affair partner, or hooking up with one she has already found.

Let's review, shall we? You married the "perfect woman" and she cheated on you. You found out and spent countless days telling us how you blamed yourself, as much as we told you it was all on her. You and she papered over the appalling betrayal she committed without exposure, JC, or establishing EPs, and you found it expedient to "trust" her again. SURPRISE!!!!! She's off to have, or continue, an affair for the second time. Does that about sum it up?

Merry Christmas!

Like I said already did that or maybe you are just looking to pick a fight. At least that is what I am getting from your post. If I had wanted someone post troll remarks I would have gone to a different site.

t/j to my colleague, Neverguessed: if something bad ever happens to me and I sit on the railroad tracks crying instead of taking action, I fully expect you to smack me with a baseball bat!

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You seem to take pleasure in making people in pain feel worse. It is vile. I hope when something bad happens to you (and it will), you experience the contempt that you so lavishly disperse to others.

Those "remarks" are not labeling you as a troll.

Those words of wisdom as the other one's before are ignored by you.

Sad to say you tremble in fear from your WW.

Your WW is smart she knows how to make you too afraid to take action against her affair.

Thing is why you let your WW do this to you.

**edit**

So how is getting your WW mad at you going to make her do anything worse then what she and her OM are doing now?

So please answer this question ASAP.