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Hmmmmmm, way way back I posted my favorite chili recipe. I see the need for a Chili Cook-Off!
But we need some judges. As a fair warning, I'm posting this account of my co-worker Frank's experience in that role.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at
the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the
judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck,
when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges
(native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the
advent. I was Judge#3.
Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 --! A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove
dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out
the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!
Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be
taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not
sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off
two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They
had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more
beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of
peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My
nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the
routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid
pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of
my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...
Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish
for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but
was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this
nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne ! peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my
forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four
people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed
offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain
damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer
directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked
me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions,
a! nd garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and
I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems
inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt
with a snow cone.
Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note
that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of
distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and
the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is
covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My
pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the
autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm
not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it
in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.
Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili.
Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost
when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the
chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to
make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really
hot chili?"
Judge # 3 -- Oh God.........
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Hmmmmmm, way way back I posted my favorite chili recipe. I see the need for a Chili Cook-Off!
But we need some judges. As a fair warning, I'm posting this account of my co-worker Frank's experience in that role.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a
chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at
the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the
judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck,
when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges
(native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the
advent. I was Judge#3.
Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 --! A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove
dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out
the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!
Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be
taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not
sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off
two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They
had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more
beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of
peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My
nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the
routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid
pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of
my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...
Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice.
Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish
for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but
was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?
Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.
That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this
nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly
ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.
Must admit the cayenne ! peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my
forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four
people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed
offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain
damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer
directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked
me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions,
a! nd garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and
I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems
inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt
with a snow cone.
Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned
peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a
can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note
that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of
distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin,
and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and
the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is
covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My
pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the
autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm
not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it
in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili.
Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili.
Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost
when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the
chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to
make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really
hot chili?"
Judge # 3 -- Oh God......... 
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Judge # 3 -- What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove
dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out
the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy! YANKEES!! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Posts: 478
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Hmm, I wonder if the skunk needs extra preparation to make sure none of the scent gland stuff gets into the meat. I don't think I'd like the taste of that if it's similar to the smell. Of course, my taste buds may be numbed with the beer I share with the chili by the time it's all done!
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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NG
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Oh, man, NG's post about the chili cook off gave me the best laugh I've had in a long time! 
xFWW(me)-48
Married-14 years
D-Day~23-May-11
NC- 14-Apr-11
1 DS 15
Online course July '11 to July '12
17 sessions with S. Harley Feb '12 to Sep '12
Divorced Jan 21, 2013
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Split pea and ham soup with homemade French bread
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Turkey (chopped and frozen from thanksgiving), rice and cheese burritos, sliced pears, and beets.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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I like canned beets. They are good.
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Posts: 6,352
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Ziti with sausage/mushroom sauce
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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A ziti?? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Posts: 6,352
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A ziti??
Ahem! (from Merriam-Webster):
Origin of ZITI
Italian, plural of zito, alteration of zita; piece of tubular pasta, probably short for maccheroni di zita, literally, bride's macaroni
So, you t'ink you gotta chance in hell of correcting an Italian from Brooklyn about pasta? Fuhgeddaboutit!
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Apparantly I was ganged up and was "told" we are doing an orange colored food tonight.....so it is, mac and cheese, carrots, sliced peaches, rounding out the meal with orange juice.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Apparantly I was ganged up and was "told" we are doing an orange colored food tonight.....so it is, mac and cheese, carrots, sliced peaches, rounding out the meal with orange juice. The inmates are running that asylum!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
A ziti??
Ahem! (from Merriam-Webster):
Origin of ZITI
Italian, plural of zito, alteration of zita; piece of tubular pasta, probably short for maccheroni di zita, literally, bride's macaroni
So, you t'ink you gotta chance in hell of correcting an Italian from Brooklyn about pasta? Fuhgeddaboutit!  Listen here, Mister Yankee EYE-talian, we know a thing or two about a thing or two down here in the country of TEXAS. We have DiGorno pizza AND spaghetti-O's down here. You yankees do not corner the market on eye-talian! ![[Linked Image from cheesebuerger.de]](http://www.cheesebuerger.de/images/smilie/froehlich/c030.gif)
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
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Apparantly I was ganged up and was "told" we are doing an orange colored food tonight.....so it is, mac and cheese, carrots, sliced peaches, rounding out the meal with orange juice. The inmates are running that asylum! They can be very intimidating and persuasive. Such as strong language (I love you and please) and enormous weapons (hugs, kisses and batting eyes)....what is a parent to do?
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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You're a wimp!!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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A ziti??
Ahem! (from Merriam-Webster):
Origin of ZITI
Italian, plural of zito, alteration of zita; piece of tubular pasta, probably short for maccheroni di zita, literally, bride's macaroni
So, you t'ink you gotta chance in hell of correcting an Italian from Brooklyn about pasta? Fuhgeddaboutit! Listen here, Mister Yankee EYE-talian, we know a thing or two about a thing or two down here in the country of TEXAS. We have DiGorno pizza AND spaghetti-O's down here. You yankees do not corner the market on eye-talian!
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Split pea and ham soup with homemade Italian bread
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 03:02 PM
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