I would second this. Since you are on maternity, there is nothing to stop you from visiting your family through some of the darkest days you will ever have. You need practical help right now.

Aim to have some sort of legally enforcable support in place through the CSA by the time you have to go back to work.

Whereabouts are you in the UK, and how far away is your family?

I understand you are overwhelmed with a 3 month old (I have a 7 week old myself) but trying to play "nice wife" while being used by this man is going to cause so much more pressure than if you were alone with the baby. There is no good outcome here, please do what you can to get into a solid Plan B and to concentrate on your baby and emotional well being.

Please find some family to help you! You need help taking care of your baby. Please listen to the people on this site. They will help you any way they can!

Also- I know you are in England. I am on a great discussion forum called babywhispererforums.com. Many of the members are from England and are so supportive and helpful about parenting and all other things. You may make some good friends to meet up with IRL. I hope that helps.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You don't deserve any of this. You need to find support for yourself and stop worrying about what would make things harder for him.

Big hugs.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply it means so much to me it really does.

I know what I need to do. It will be hard but I know what you are saying is right. All of you.

I know what I need to do for the sake of me and my child.

I will not let him in my house anymore and until he moves closer he can see our daughter at the weekend only.

I will ask for the support of my friends and family to get me through this.

I know I dont deserve for him to treat me the way he has.

Hoping, I would do a proper Plan B or you will be wasting your time. Go to the notable post section and find the thread "how to properly plan b". The thread has the plan b letter and step by step instructions.

The Plan B thread is in my signature, hon.

Plan B is great! We'll look after you

I will start to plan do do a full plan b. Melody lane shall I include the "love letter" also or just send the letter about the practical side or things only?

What type of person would make the best intermediatery.
I want to do this properly so will use the next couple of days to do this and im determined to do this properly and stay strong.

He has been ill this week so has not been round and if Im honest I feel better for it already.

Thank you all for taking the time respond it really does mean so much.

I cant move in with my family im in kent my family are in london. I do have very good friends who live close to me and they support me.

I have also been making myself busy taking my daughter to baby groups, arranging playdates etc.

Its just the evenings that I find the hardest. It can be quite lonely. This is what I find most difficult.

Part of me knows I deserve so much better and a man who will not up and leave when I need him the most. But another side of me cant help but want the future we had both planned for our daughter where we are all together as a family but I know the man I loved and thought I knew so well may never return (in person and in himself) if that makes sense.

I need to get my finaces sorted h said he would pay to get the tenancy switched over to my name which needs to be done in order to claim housing benefit. I also have looked into child tax credits and although I cant get the full amount because of my basic maternity pay I am entiltled to some. My h is continuing to pay for everyting until my h benefit is accepted then we have agreed that he will set up a standing order monthly of a fixed amount which is more than i would get through the csa.

I will get advice from a solicitor about our divorce he said to me that he will lie to get the divorce under adultery as when i found out they hadnt slept together but now they are so i dont get how he would be lying???

Oh your mindset sounds really good!

Your IM should be someone level headed and someone neutral who is not too involved (i.e. not your angry dad!) We have an IM training thread on here.

My IM is a fellow MBer and she communicates with my WH by email. Its worked really well. If you want that, I would be happy to volunteer to help you out. However you would need someone in RL to oversee handovers for visitations,but they wouldnt have to do any communication stuff with him...



yeah I know



How about staying with your family for just a few months? Until things are sorted financially. The first few months are so rough on you!



You have no idea how great Plan B is. Can you imagine going a whole day without thinking about any of this? I promise you it is possible!



He will without doubt go back on his word. Without doubt. Use the CSA.



I would advise you not listen to a wayward. They talk a lot of crap about how they didnt do anything wrong really. And it isnt wrong now because separated (while jerking your wifes heart around) is not the same as married. EXCEPT IT IS!!!

Besides which, even without proof of sexual adultery, leaving you and the baby for another woman means you can quite easily divorce him for unreasonable behaviour!

I havent figured out how to do the quote thing but everything everyone of you have said makes so much sense and its lovely that you are all helping me.

I wish my mum would come and move in with me as it would really help so much but my sister is still in primary school and she only really comes round every few weeks for a few hours and I normally have to ask her.
My other sisters all live in london and they all have small children themselves so that isnt an option either.

My H sister has been very good to me she comes round all the time and has said she will never look at the ow the way she sees me as an actual sister. I know my h asks her about me since we split he calls her very regularly I will have to tell her to no longer discuss me with him and vice versa.

I really dont want to move just yet as im close to my friends and i really dont want to move into london as i dont like the area my family are from. plus i couldnt face a move at this stage.

I do think i need to file for divorce in the new year should i just file and not say anything to him?

Tell you what. If he is so determined to keep his family in the lifestyle to which they are accustomed, lets give him a shot.

In your Plan B letter there should be an addendum describing how the finances will work from now on. Tell him the CSA will be providing you with x amount. If he still wants to make up the difference, he can voluntarily give an amount on top of that in line with what you discussed. Then lets see what he does. If he does, consider it a bonus.

But have everything wrapped up nice and tight so he cant jerk you around and try to get you out of Plan B by screwing around with the money.

Did you expose the OW to her friends and family?

See these buttons at the bottom of every post?

Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify Email Post

Click "quote" underneath the post you wish to quote and the quote is formed in your reply box, complete with the name of the person who wrote the post. Delete any sections that you do not want to quote (as I have done here by only quoting a line of your post) but leave the brackets alone.

Write your text underneath the quote.

Use the "Preview Post" feature to check that your post looks the way you want it before you click "Submit".

do you know how much he would have to give through the csa?

I didnt think it was that much and dont know if this would cover all my outgoings? But at the same time this makes sense as I wouldnt have to rely on him sticking to his word?

As for moving in with family I really dont want to do this. I think me and d will be fine on our own I know it would help but my mum hasnt really got the room and I think I would actually find this more stressful lol!

I will have a good think about an im. I think maybe my sister would be a good idea

((((((((hoping))))))))))

Press the quick quote button. Then make sure there is a symbol which says [ quote=username ] before the quote and a symbol which says [ /quote ] at the end. Then when you press submit the quote will be framed in a box.



People who dont mean what they say threaten. People who mean business pull the trigger. He has plenty of time to stop the divorce if he wants to be faithful.

I would focus on getting into Plan B first. File for a D within Plan B if you want to.

Reply Quote Quick Reply Quick Quote Notify Email Post

Click "quote" underneath the post you wish to quote and the quote is formed in your reply box, complete with the name of the person who wrote the post. Delete any sections that you do not want to quote (as I have done here by only quoting a line of your post) but leave the brackets alone.

Write your text underneath the quote.

Thank you

People who dont mean what they say threaten. People who mean business pull the trigger. He has plenty of time to stop the divorce if he wants to be faithful.

I would focus on getting into Plan B first. File for a D within Plan B if you want to.
[/quote]


Okay I will do Plan b first and think hard about d but will see a solicitor to get a good idea about where I stand.

I'll ask some of my friends tomorrow





You'll figure it out. Plan B is about making a GREAT independent life. Its an option in your pocket. You'll have lots of options now.





Its an easy job if you have a cool head. We can direct her to some training

Tell you what. If he is so determined to keep his family in the lifestyle to which they are accustomed, lets give him a shot.

In your Plan B letter there should be an addendum describing how the finances will work from now on. Tell him the CSA will be providing you with x amount. If he still wants to make up the difference, he can voluntarily give an amount on top of that in line with what you discussed. Then lets see what he does. If he does, consider it a bonus.

But have everything wrapped up nice and tight so he cant jerk you around and try to get you out of Plan B by screwing around with the money.


Did you expose the OW to her friends and family?[/quote]

Thats a great idea.

I did expose to her family and some friends. They didnt respond my h said they dont care they are her friends. Her family apparently support them too but were apparently worried about me and my health. I think I have been made out to be some crazy woman! My h even told me he had spoken to her mum briefly on facetime - how lovely! NOT!!!

I

[/quote]

I'll ask some of my friends tomorrow

Thank you




You'll figure it out. Plan B is about making a GREAT independent life. Its an option in your pocket. You'll have lots of options now.


I think I did kind of lose myself I did become very dependant on him and have never really been on my own so I think this will make me more indepant.

When you delete text, you need to make sure that you do not remove the bracket at the beginning.

Im off to get some sleep now. No doubt my gorgeous baby will have me up a good few times in the night! lol

I will start preparing and keep you all posted with my progress.

I think I will even have you vet my letters before I send them if thats okay once I have compiled them.