Put a keylogger on the computer. Here Keyloggers

This for her IPhone
Iphone Help

That has never stopped anyone before, believe me! As long as you have planes, cars and trains in your town and don't live in the Siberan plains of Russia, most affairees can manage to hook up in under 6 hours.

And secondly, one doesn't even need to see each other in person to have an affair. Many affairs are over the internet and phone.

Red Flag keeping the cellby her side locked with a password. This screams affair. Get copy of phone bills and texts.

C V,
Depending on the EN she is desiring, it is VERY possible that an EA can be conducted through phone, texts, and e-mail, especially from the point of view of the WW. If she desires Conversation, Admiration, and non-physical Affection, it may even be preferable to not be in physical proximity. And, dude, I speak from bitter experience....

A woman who isn't having needs met will be delighted at the offer of needs at long last from her H. She will say: "Great! I want you to do x, y and z please"

A woman starved of food isn't going to turn down a meal. Much less leave the restaurant 'to think'. This is almost always code for 'I need to think whether I want you or him." If she has said the dreaded cheaters catchphrase "I love you but I'm not in love with you" then you can be sure its an A.

Unfortunately it prob is the best friends husband. He has access to her and can complain about his wife to her under the guise of 'getting a woman's opinion'. Are you sure the texts to her friend are actually that? Is it possible she has saved his name as her friends name?

You need to snoop a lot more proactively. I would get a keylogger on any computers and download spy software on her phone. Voice Activated recorders in a few key rooms will pick it up if she calls anyone for a chat when you aren't there.

Well, every last one of you were right. I'm a damned fool. She admitted an affair to me this past Saturday. It's been going on for a year with a man that she used to go to highschool with.

Days that I have spent all day at work and she has said that the kids have stressed her out and she needs to get out on her own have been days that she has seen him. He is in a sexless marriage, kinda like me, and has been cheating on his wife with mine. She said they only had sex one time and it was before she fell in love with him but when they meet they do perform oral sex and such. I am so sick, I want to die... I know that I have made mistakes emotionally over the years but I never ever would have cheated on her. And there has never been much money but I have always sacraficed for her to give her what she needs.

She is in love with him and I told her that she had until today to make a decision. I still love her and I want to work things out but she has to make up her mind. I'm shaking right now bc I don't know if I can make it without her. I will have to drop out of school and work full time just to pay the bills we have accumulated.

She says she still loves me but I don't have much faith bc it's such a hard decision for her to make and she says she isn't choosing between me and him she is choosing whether or not to stay in the relationship. This whole thing is idiotic, she is in love with someone she has never even been around for more than a couple of hours.... She started telling me how good of a person he is and how he isn't like me, nothing makes him angry. Part of me wants to tell her to hit the road so she will go to him and find out how stupid she is being..

I don't even know what to do if she chooses to stay or if she chooses to go. She made plans to spend the night with her best friend tonight and I'm thinking how can you give me an answer and just leave to spend the night with your friend and I know what you're thinking, she is probably going to see him but I guess it doesn't really matter bc I think she will choose to leave me....

Just found this guys FB and his wife's....

CV Hit Notify for your next reply and ask the Moderators to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair section.

If you feel you want to stay married then:

DO IT NOW and take immediate action to bust up her horrid affair.

EXPOSE EXPOSE EXPOSE.

Follow the directions the folks over there give to a T. They will give exact instructions.

It is your best hope of saving your M.

Ugh and I am so sorry that this has happened. I can only imagine the pain it brings you.

Here I snagged the link from MelodyLane's signature. This is a great place for you to start learning.

Exposure 101

Exactly. She is in a fantasy world. Expose. It is your strongest weapon in bursting that bubble. Having to look your friends and family in the eye and explain your cheating brings the reality home very quickly. Don't give up the fight without even trying.

She is still at home and OM is still at home with his wife...that is in your favor.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I remember the shaking.

C_V,
None of us here are ever happy to be proven "right" in situations like yours, but there have been enough folks arriving here in your circumstances, that eventually left in whole and thriving marriages, that we do not shirk from helping as you need it.

Here is lesson Number One: EVERYTHING YOUR WW SAID AFTER, "I'M HAVING AN AFFAIR!" IS MOST LIKELY A LIE. His "sexless marriage, their "only oral", infrequency of meetings, etc etc. Remember "I'm not having an affair"? Same line of cattle-dung, still dribbling from WW's mouth!

Here is your recipe to get your marriage back on track. It requires stern and unwavering commitment to seemingly being a [censored]. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, your marriage does not need (and would be degraded by) a "nice guy" right now.

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE, friend. Every moment that passes convinces her you are getting comfortable with her infidelity. That thought must be eliminated from her consciousness.

C_V, make sure you copy all of the OM and his wife's contacts from facebook into a word document for your exposure list. Hide it in a file on your computer. Do this quickly before you no longer have access to it.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. I very well remember when I found out and I will never forget the shaking and the room spinning on me. But we will help you through this by giving you a plan. A plan will help you take control of this topsy-turvy world you now know.

((hugs))

CV, did you read the exposure thread in my link? Please read that ASAP and come back here.

Don't despair. If you can follow our instructions there is hope for your marriage.

Thanks for the encouragement and the advice. Getting started right now.

Please do this right now.

CV,

Do what the vets tell you to do. And do it now.

Your WW sounds exactly like me when I was in the grip of the affair.

Exposure is your best weapon in killing the affair. Most OM are the same, and I'm guessing the OM you are dealing with is no different. He likes the ego-stroking your WW is giving him, and he likes getting his needs met by 2 women. But when the exposure hits the fan, your WW will be too much trouble.

WW like to think of what they would GAIN by leaving their husbands. OM like to think of what they would LOSE by leaving their wives.

Most likely this OM will throw your wife under bus and the affair is busted up. Usually.

I will give you some advice from my experience of being a WW: when my BH got angry, shouted, threw things, punched the wall, called me names etc, I wanted to RUN.away.fast.to.the.other.man.

KEEP YOUR ANGER and EMOTIONS UNDER CONTROL.

Do what the vets say, and come back here for help. I can give you some insight into the WW mind if you need some intel.

Follow the plan. Goodluck.

I assume you are exposing her affair right now. GREAT!

Read this link when you have the time.

Carrot/Stick of Plan A

When a wife is falling in love with an OM, she usually must push her husband out of her heart to make room. The WW must also de-humanize and marginalize the OM's wife. Make OM's wife an insignificant after-thought.

YOUR WIFE'S AFFAIR IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
THEIR ADULTERY IS NOT OM'S WIFE'S FAULT EITHER !!!!

From now until forever, you do not refer to OM by his first name. Instead, whenever you speak of him ALWAYS refer to him by his wife's first name.

Example:
OM is "Helen's husband". Never call him by his first name. This makes the FACT that your WW is dating another woman's husband REAL. Do this every single time you have the chance. The more this annoys your WW the better it is working !

Hang in there. You are just beginning this fight.