Welcome to the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
HAHAHAHA... I suspect that is their conversations!!! He tells me how she promises to do all the things I do and then some...
Do people really get back from here? Ugh.
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
Yes, people really do get back from there, only, as you have stated, sometimes it's too late for their marriage because the BS has moved on already.
She isn't better than you. Don't you EVER forget that. And they won't be happy together, they will be empty. THey are both trying to use the other person to fill their deep souless pits, but since they are empty themselves, it destroys them both. Sometimes, it takes time for them to realize it but eventually, they do.
Beauty of Plan B though is that you move ahead to bigger and better without having to worry about what the other person is doing, feeling, etc. It just doesn't matter anymore. All you do is protect yourself from them, as you would anything else that is toxic in your life, and create something grand. Be a phoenix and rise from the ashes.
There is a user on MB who WAS the OW, who married her MM. If you need assurance that she will be miserable should they actually stay together (which is highly unlikely), here it is (I have cut most of it except this bit at the end as it is quite long):
Quote
To the BS out there who may read this, I can only hope that knowing that your spouse is not going to be happy and their AP is not going to be happy helps you feel a little bit vindicated. I promise you that even if they look like the picture of happiness on the outside they are not. They have a cancer eating their souls. You can have a better life. They won�t.
NewCreation2011
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
Loki, my purpose of showing you that video is to show you just how ridiculous their relationship is. It is based on lies and betrayal and selfishness. It is NOT real, it is fake!
You will be the one who raises your head high and know that your self respect and integrity are intact. They can not.
I know it's ridiculous. And when I have said to him this is all so ridiculous he would say, yes it is ridiculous. I'd say what that you're still insisting on this life and he'd say no, that you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Nice to know that my devastated life and my failed marriage and the days of endless heartache are just a molehill to him.
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
He is acting like I am the bad guy for wanting to save this. For believing what he said a few months ago, that he is now insisting he never said and doesn't know where I got it from.
Why is he so angry? He insisted on keeping her in his life. He did everything he could to make me feel way less than. Now I have decided she can have him and I won't try to fight to save us anymore and he's angry at ME for basically letting him have what he's fought so hard for.
What is wrong with these people? They want freedom. They beg to be able to stay in their affair and then when you give then what they want they get mad at YOU...
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
And he will insist he is NOT angry and especially not angry with ME while he is biting my head off and saying he's just tired... I bet she isn't getting her head bitten off...
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
I am glad we're not speaking. Everyday it's easier but my heart still aches. I am sure that ends in time too. I had no choice. Either be broken hearted indefinitely or let go.
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
Honey, you are still under the misconception that you are dealing with a RATIONAL human being. He is not. He is a foggy, blame-shifting, justifying, wayward alien. Pay no mind to his nonsense
I know it hurts, and I know you still have hope that you will get your real husband back. But he ain't there right now. And it is better for your mental health to not deal with that hurtful alien he is right now. It will get better, trust me.
BTW, there are more of those shmoopie soulmates videos available. Just google them. You can't help but laugh at how accurate they are and how ridiculous the soulmates sound.
I remember showing them to Kiss not long after NC and he was still a bit foggy and he did not think they were funny at all! LOL! I wonder what he would think of them now....
I don't think they don't have a sense of humor... I think they have to know on some level what fools they seem to everyone else and they are offended. I wish my WH would wake up and see this for what it is... but I think he was cake eating at it's best. He was already saying he was tired of her and she was saying the same... but heaven forbid we reconcile, she can't have THAT happen ya know? So as soon as things were going great, there she was with a lie to end it all. He knows she was lying.. yet... here I am ... and there they are. I hope she knows that if he would do this to me... he will do it to her.
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
Loki, let them make each other miserable. They deserve each other. You will be much happier and healthier without him.
Are you staying dark? Any contact with him will fill a need for him and you don't want that. You want him to have to get his needs (un)met by skank. Stay dark
Loki. while it is a process to get through these feelings, while you are dark, you should be focusing on YOU, and how YOU can get over this on your own. It might seem easier to think about how miserable they will be with each other, or how they won't last, but for you, It. Doesn't. Matter.
I decided quickly that what I would do is focus only on what was actually happening in my life that I could deal with. The fact was my WH wasn't home when I woke up, and he wasn't trying to reconcile, so I didn't think about it. Now, after so long, I have realised that I have made a life for myself, that has NOTHING to do with my WH and if he is happy or not with OW. It. Doesn't. Matter.
Its still only days that I've been dark... the habit of focusing on him is being broken... it took 18 months to create.. it's going to take more than a few days to break. I texted crazy on Sat and Sun... On Mon I saw him for money. On Tues I got the drafted papers I need to have a NY divorce lawyer look at... freaked out and texted... but he didn't respond at all to any texts except to tell me it was bothering him on Sun. Yesterday was hard. Today will be easier.
Here's where I am... my heart does not want this.. my heart hurts.. my head is saying, it's time woman. It's time to let the POSOW have him and let him and his "basketcase" as he also called her live happily (snicker) ever after.
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
I have no money right now for a lawyer so I have to wait to make an appointment. Which is good in a way. I am not knee-jerk reacting... I can sit and think about this very big step I never wanted to take and hoped this wouldn't come to...
BW: Me, 42 WH: Him, 41 ILYBNILWY: Sept 2011, he moved out DDay1: Dec 2011, ongoing since at least April 2011 if not longer WH moves back we try FR 1/12 DDay2: Feb 2012 DDay3: April 2012, WH moves back out to "find himself" Many attempts at FR, he can't make a decision 5/2013: WH states he wants a Divorce. POSOW is insisting. 8/2013: He files for D. She got hers, where's his? Current: nothing is progressing, we do not speak
Loki, your in NY? I might have to find you and shake you! LOL
Do you have IRL support so that you can text them instead of WH? My SIL and I would joke that we needed intervention when we would text each other instead of our WHs. But you can come here and vent instead of making contact.
