Four OM, wow talk about carrying a burden. Sorry too many stories to remember here.

When your WW asked which of the 4 OM, did you answer her?

What do you mean she backed off?

Has WW made any remarks about your binge eating?

If so how have you responded?

So a dentist in Iowa fires hs long time dental asst because he felt that their relationship crossed a line too close for his marital comfort. With no more than a couple flirtatious texts, he proactively made moves to save his and this woman's marriages before they did the horizontal bop. She sued him and lost.

Bravo doc.

Sometimes we agree sometimes we don't.

This is a sometimes we don't.

Bravo doc? What are you smoking?

The Doc's BW put her foot down and made the Doc fire the OW.

The Doc's Wife is the one to get the Bravos.

Sometime's, on a rare occasion that road guy goes over the top.
He has poor boundaries.

Here is my thoughts about this startling case:

I would very much want to visit the marital status of the nurse and her incipient BH in about five years. Or perhaps it would be easier to just await his arrival here: "I trusted her so much! I ignored the warnings from her previous employer's wife's actions!"

He could have said 'look, her husband doesn't see any issues, what's the problem?'

He took the high road and listened to his wife and his conscience.

I'm not giving him a Nobel.

Most of us know some who went the other way.

TR,

When your WW asked which of the 4 OM, did you answer her?

Yes, OM2 because she admitted that she never felt the same about me after OM2 and her sexual attraction for me never really came back either.

What do you mean she backed off?

It seemed like she was prepared to tell me the truth, but then considered the consequences and how she felt I would respond, and the shame she feels. She has said a number of times that I would never forgive her and I also think this has been reinforced by the people she has confided in.

Has WW made any remarks about your binge eating? If so how have you responded?

God Bless
Gamma

Has your WW ever posted here?

Have you and your WW ever call the Harley's? It appears something is holding WW back, or say letting go of OM/s, damage done, not able to delete all of her marriage history rewrite to justify her outings.

It appears your WW never got her head back on 100% straight. If you can afford it try to call the Harley's.

TR,

Don't think she would post here, she is rather private, not yet computer savvy. Consultation with the Harleys could happen in the future.

At least part of the issue is that ironically MB has improved our relationship to the extent that she is now "happy with me" and feels that I support and love her now. The lack of sexual appetite for me has occurred for so long that it is now ingrained as a habit.

God Bless
Gamma

Is this a boy only thread? If not here's my question, based on MSS's confessional.

IS IT POSSIBLE that, even if you have a truly repentant WS, and follow the MB course 110%, some people just can not get over the A? Regardless of the path they take, they just cannot get past it?

Because sometimes I feel that way too. I know I have a lot of work to do yet to get to the status of 'truly repentent' and 'followed the MB course 110%' so I won't lump myself in this category YET, but I must say sometimes when things are going the best they ever have, I still feel like there is a BIG, FAT, UGLY white elephant sitting in the corner staring at us. And that elephant, no matter how we gaze into each others eyes, is never going away. And sometimes I think that I can't, and shouldn't, live like that.

So...even if we achieve some form of happiness, will it still be wrought with an elephant over the shoulder at the end? Since, we can't erase it, we can only move on from it, you know? And is it WORTH all the work to end like that, when in theory, you could start over in another relationship and do it right from the beginning, without having to share the room with the elephant.

Yes.

"Is this a boy only thread?"


Are you a feminazi?


"IS IT POSSIBLE that, even if you have a truly repentant WS, and follow the MB course 110%, some people just can not get over the A? Regardless of the path they take, they just cannot get past it?"


Yes.


"Because sometimes I feel that way too. I know I have a lot of work to do yet to get to the status of 'truly repentent' and 'followed the MB course 110%' so I won't lump myself in this category YET, but I must say sometimes when things are going the best they ever have, I still feel like there is a BIG, FAT, UGLY white elephant sitting in the corner staring at us. And that elephant, no matter how we gaze into each others eyes, is never going away. And sometimes I think that I can't, and shouldn't, live like that."


You have been her since April 2012. I assume your dday was close to then. Come back in two to five years and ask this question then.

"So...even if we achieve some form of happiness, will it still be wrought with an elephant over the shoulder at the end? Since, we can't erase it, we can only move on from it, you know? And is it WORTH all the work to end like that, when in theory, you could start over in another relationship and do it right from the beginning, without having to share the room with the elephant."


It depends on WS behavoir post affair and what you have to lose. Long term marriage, kids, house, financial, retirement, golden years. Throw all away just to spite on self?


For me the elephant has never left because I only got the very tip of the ice berg.

My wife must be related to the great Southern General StoneWall Jackson.

Is this a boy only thread?

Yes, but I am authorized to give you a short-duration "man card", to allow your participation, UW.

IS IT POSSIBLE that, even if you have a truly repentant WS, and follow the MB course 110%, some people just can not get over the A? Regardless of the path they take, they just cannot get past it?

Of course the answer is "YES", under the syllogism that saying "No" would mean proving that it is impossible for any BS, under any and all conditions, to be so resentful and damaged to allow for recovery.

But let's reduce the "universe" you've asked us to tackle to something more manageable.

If:
- there is no underlying pathological impediments to a firm marital union
- the marriage had been sturdy and robust previously
- the infidelity in question was the first (and only)
- the WS was truly remorseful and repentant
- the BS was able to isolate the damage to ego from the damage to the marriage
- there were no concrete reminders of the affair and aftermath (OC, chronic STDs)
- the rejoined couple cooperatively follows a plan (MB being the best, obviously)

it would be highly HIGHLY likely that the breach could be mended.

As these parameters are voided, clearly, the chances of irreparable estrangement grows, and the "weights" of those complicating factors would be entirely dependent on the psychological constructs of the two partners.

Example: It has been attributed to Dr. Harley, and certainly the BH/WW stories here have demonstrated, that often the WW fails to ever show complete (or even "any"?) remorse, and still reconciliation has proceeded.

My dday was August 2010, so we are 2 1/2 yrs out from it. But not all of that would constitute 'in recovery' yrs.

H has had NC with any AP or any other woman since then, has willingly given me all info I desired, confirmed with a poly, set proper boundaries, etc. Tries to 'spoil me' in many ways.

Still have a hard time moving forward.

I have a 13+ yr M, and as a SAHM def have a lifestyle to lose. But I grew up poor and happy so money/lifestyle isn't a deciding factor.

Anyway don't want to TJ w my own story, just wanted to put it out there that sometimes even with the recovery effort it just seems like there is an eternal dark cloud over the M.

Well, shall we dash back over to your thread, fella?

On the way, think about these two elements:

- the marriage had been sturdy and robust previously
- the infidelity in question was the first (and only)

The first two factors do not apply to me. Although in reference to #2 there are many people on these boards, MSS for instance, that have a LOT more to get past then me. The only PA I have to work through is a decade old ONS, peanuts in comparison. Then why do I have such a hard time??? The third factor is questionable. More remorseful than many WS's, less remorseful than some.

That was bizzaro, that you simultaneously posted the same two factors to MSS.

...you simultaneously posted the same two factors to MSS.

No, "fella" (holding the man-card), they were directed to you!

OH gotcha. I'm trying not to resurrect my thread on the same ol
stuff I've been whining about for months. So I thought I'd just steal
Mike's instead. J/k I really was just asking a question..