I'm sorry you feel you are wasting your time on me Melody. I emailed Steve with the concerns from the forum, including my own desire to do something, whether exposing the guy or just using his own guilt (which he seems to be susceptible too) by writing him to back off again (I may still send him something brief). Steve called me up today and let me know how he felt about the situation (he has all the details) and he believes that since communication hasn't happened in a month, and only once int the last 4, that I should hold off since doing so now will create a dust-up that will take time to get past. He wants me to focus on working doing what I am doing.

. I emailed Steve with the concerns from the forum, including my own desire to do something,

I'm sorry you feel you are wasting your time on me Melody. I emailed Steve with the concerns from the forum, including my own desire to do something, whether exposing the guy or just using his own guilt (which he seems to be susceptible too) by writing him to back off again (I may still send him something brief). Steve called me up today and let me know how he felt about the situation (he has all the details) and he believes that since communication hasn't happened in a month, and only once int the last 4, that I should hold off since doing so now will create a dust-up that will take time to get past. He wants me to focus on working doing what I am doing.

He says if any further communication occurs, all bets are off and that I should go forward, which I will.

Look...I've been wanting to pull the trigger on this for a while, but "things" keep happening that aren't normal, that tell me to just hold course. Earlier today I prayed for a specific answer on what I should do...and it came. Steve was very specific on why exposure at this moment won't serve much of a purpose. I understand is thinking, even if I am mixed on my view of it. He was adamant that if communication occurs again that I do indeed fully expose his side. I'm going to trust his judgement, since my WW has agreed with the principles, has gone forward with reading HNHN, and since her psychiatrist is reaffirming HNHN other in her sessions there. I'll see this weekend if she is opening up to the possibility of doing the program. My first goal is to get her to the point where she willing has a discussion with Steve so that we can see where she truly is and whether or not I have to take further measures on the affair front. She's becoming depressed again, as the communication is 0, and I know this impacts her thoughts of him negatively. Personally, I don't think this affair can withstand the repeated strain of a lack of communication for extended periods of time, but I worry, as you all do, about resets.

I'll keep everyone updated as things progress.

Please, do keep us updated. As Steve Harley is a Marriage Builders professional, I'm willing to bet that he just might... Oh, I don't know... know what he is talking about.

And..........so might Dr Harley. I think he is..........um I don't know, the FOUNDER of Marriage Builders? The fact is that this poster is adamant against exposing the affair and is using Steve Harley as an excuse not to expose. He concocted a multitude of excuses to avoid exposing over the past few weeks and is clearly avoiding it.

I can envision a conversation that went something like this: "Steve, I really, really don't want to expose and the forum is pressuring me to expose. MY WIFE WILL KILL ME! Do I have to??" And Steve, who is not going to push anyone into doing something against their will gives him a reprieve if he will agree to expose if it happens again.

We would all be in great trouble here if we had to get coaching from Steve Harley to do what Dr Harley tells us to do right off the bat. Exposure does not hurt recovery, it helps it. And this poster needs all the help he can get.

I think you should just follow Steve's advice.

And..........so might Dr Harley. I think he is..........um I don't know, the FOUNDER of Marriage Builders? The fact is that this poster is adamant against exposing the affair and is using Steve Harley as an excuse not to expose. He concocted a multitude of excuses to avoid exposing over the past few weeks and is clearly avoiding it.

I can envision a conversation that went something like this: "Steve, I really, really don't want to expose and the forum is pressuring me to expose. MY WIFE WILL KILL ME! Do I have to??" And Steve, who is not going to push anyone into doing something against their will gives him a reprieve if he will agree to expose if it happens again.

We would all be in great trouble here if we had to get coaching from Steve Harley to do what Dr Harley tells us to do right off the bat. Exposure does not hurt recovery, it helps it. And this poster needs all the help he can get.

Like I said, Viper, Steve is not known for forcing someone to do something against his will and it is clear to me that falcon does not want to do this. [or he would have done it] There was absolutely no reason to "ask" Steve in the first place.

Okay, I was with falcon from the beginning and I can, in a way, see why his head is spinning. He's being told to NOT expose at the moment by Steve, yet Dr. Harley fully endorses exposure at the onset of DDay and I (and plenty of others) shoved him in that direction as well. My paraphrased words to him way back when were, "You were great out the gate, but you need to finish the job". He hemmed and hawed and didn't finish that job. Why? I have no idea.

He now states that he has wanted to do it forever, but didn't do it when we all told him it was the biggest mistake to trickle this out..and so far that has been proven to be true, as it pretty much always is. (Don't deny this falcon. We all warned you months ago of this, and now it has come to pass)

The biggest question I have with this is about consistency. Why aren't Steve and the good doctor on the same page? It does seem it bit contradictory that the son of the founder of this website and methods advises against the methods that his father founded. This POSOM broke NC on his own accord after months of NC, and Steve is suggesting to letting it slide again just because it only happened once? What if it happens again in six months? 12 months? 2 years?

I really don't understand this at all. You can't even come close to recovering anything until all the elements that led to this situation have been eradicated...and they aren't even close to that. The door is still wide-assed open. WW and POSOM are just biding their time, as he has had to suffer no consequences and, really, neither has she...so why should they stop pining for one another?

This is a train wreck just waiting to happen.

Unless you are claiming to be more familiar with this program than Steve, I don't see the point in you attempting to visualize, conceptualize, or fabricate anything.

You know very well that exposure is a recent addition to this program, and that Dr. Harley saved thousands of marriages, for decades, before it was introduced into the fold.

Either that, or I suggest you lodge a formal complaint that an MB coach isn't applying the program properly.

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In my own experience posters discounted that my wife's relatives told me she was mentally ill. After I emailed Dr Harley he said she probably has a mental disorder. The Court investigator ordered her to see a psychiatrist. So the posters are not always 100% correct and the disclaimer clearly states that.