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Will your husband file a restraining order against Dolly? What will HE do to block her access to him?
I actually think he reached out to her first. It explains much.
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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Thanks, armyMama
I did lots of checking, found no evidence of Taffy attempting contact. However, if he did, I am sure I will now hear about it...
He did revise his NC plan to "plug the gap", which will require an ongoing behavior change on his part.
Suspect he will be pissed at me for this exposure, and he reads my posts, so that is why I haven't mentioned it here before.
The Dolly's boss is, reportedly, a nasty piece of work. Doubt this will go well for her. Taffy sees her as a broken winged bird, their A started when he was giving her daily advice on how to deal with him. But, too bad, consequences are hers from her actions...
I have to follow through since she will not maintain no contact...
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Restraining order... That would be the next step... Have not discussed with Taffy yet. Did not want to tip my hand about exposure. Definitely not POJA'd...
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Launch the nuke, catwhit! And bravo to you for taking firm, timely action!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Restraining order... That would be the next step... Have not discussed with Taffy yet. Did not want to tip my hand about exposure. Definitely not POJA'd... POJA is not applicable here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't have the link but I'm sure it was posted earlier in this thread. POJA is not applicable in ending an affair and maintaining NC. That was what EPs are for, they are for the BS in order to restore trust and honesty in the relationship. Correct me if I am wrong but the WS should have minimal if any input on the EPs. You decide them and he agrees, no matter how harsh they are, its just compensation.
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Thanks, Melody.
Okay, pushing the plunger now...
And yeah, I understand POJA doesn't apply in this circumstance. And I may be "assuming" on Taffy's part about how he is going to react. I dislike moving away from the integrated life we've been building.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Will your husband file a restraining order against Dolly? What will HE do to block her access to him?
I actually think he reached out to her first. It explains much.
AM I agree, especially in light of (a) his likely opposition to this exposure, (b) his suggestion that the MB discussion forum is a trigger, (c) his reference to the MB radio show as a "propaganda program" (albeit in jest), and (d) the fact that he put catwhit in the position of having to do this, instead of taking action to protect her.
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Thanks, Jessica.
I suppose I will get further confirmation once he learns of the latest exposure, this evening.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Thanks, Jessica. I will report in later.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Taffy is not angry with me. He wishes I had not sent the emails. He says he isn't trying to protect the Dolly, but, "she has enough problems with HR and her boss, and doesn't need this."
My response is that she should not have been fooling around with a married client then...
And he reiterates that he didn't contact her since the NC letter in August. I am inclined to believe him, but will keep checking.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Taffy is not angry with me. He wishes I had not sent the emails. He says he isn't trying to protect the Dolly, but, "she has enough problems with HR and her boss, and doesn't need this." And you have enough problems and don't need this. The hoe asked for it, you didn't. She deserved it. Apparently she does "need this" if she won't leave your marriage alone. Is there anyone else you can expose skanky to? What about her parents? Facebook friends?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Melody;
I would have exposed to the Dolly's parents and fianc� if I had a clue how to find them. All I know is his first name, and that he is a lawyer in UK. And the last name (for her parents) is very common, so I haven't been able to find them. She has no FaceBook or LinkedIn account.
Taffy says the Dolly will probably lose her job. She has a nasty temper, so I expect to hear further, but hopefully this is the end of it.
I did not send her a copy of the exposure email, but don't see any good in doing that. I do not want any contact with her, nor for Taffy.
Taffy says he will feel badly if she loses her job. He didn't lose his. But I pointed out that he did take a reduction in salary... Nearly 50%.
Anyway, we shall see what comes of this.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Taffy says he will feel badly if she loses her job. He didn't lose his. But I pointed out that he did take a reduction in salary... Nearly 50%. I feel badly for that skank's victim, YOU. Screw Dolly, she asked for it. YOU DIDN'T. Your husband is making serious lovebank withdrawals by defending your perp. He should be defending you, not her. Skanky is not a victim. If she loses her job it will be because she is a skank on the job and for no other reason. It is not your fault she behaves in unprofessional ways on the job.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You are right, Melody. She is neither a victim, nor innocent. Part of me is glad I got the opportunity to expose. But really, I just want her OUT of our lives and to get on with healing and recovery.
Still a ways to go....
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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I understand completely! Getting fired is a job hazard of a being hoe on the job. She knowingly took that risk when she decided to have an affair with a married man. Not your fault!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He wishes I had not sent the emails. He says he isn't trying to protect the Dolly, but, "she has enough problems with HR and her boss, and doesn't need this." And he reiterates that he didn't contact her since the NC letter in August. I am inclined to believe him, but will keep checking. He claimed that he wasn't trying to protect her, but then immediately contradicted himself by expressing concern about the problems she could face as a result of this exposure. It could be that he didn't initiate contact with her since the NC letter in August. However, I suspect that he at least responded to her attempts to contact him since then. Either way, this exposure could anger her enough to disclose that sort of information to you in order to spite him. I'm wondering if that is one of the reasons he wishes you hadn't sent those emails...
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Jessica;
I suspect his reaction is more about that he still has feelings for her. But Dr. Harley said, in response to my question on the radio program, that he may have feelings for her... perhaps forever. Ugh...
It is his job to block those feelings. And it is also why NC has to be for life.
I like GloveOil's post to me earlier that Taffy could begin thinking about her in another way... as to how much damage and pain she caused to me... To consider her as a cold-blooded thug.
Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Feelings continue because of contact, however small -- whether it's seeing her at work, or her picture, even.
NC for life, because he is always at risk until he has made sure that contact is impossible.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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