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i feel ive invested 15 years in this relationship and always believed that people deserved a second chance but dont seem to be able to move on from this even though my partner is willing to put things right but to be honest hasnt got a clue how to start. We have just spent a weekend away together with 18 of my friends on a 50th birthday bash for me. Him in one room and me in another and no one would have known what has happened although i feel drained with all the pretence.
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I want to address this issue you posted about anal sex and the policy of Joint Agreement.
Anal sex is not a NEED. It's really not natural sex.
As I recall you are not married.
The POJA is for married couples that are buyers in their relationship.
You and your boyfriend are renters.
Renter type relationships are a terrible way to live a life.
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i'm glad i could be of some help to you, bikerchick. keep reading. it'll get you to a place where you can make a decision one way or the other. don't feel obligated to rush into a decision. make sure you come back & share you thoughts on how what dr harley has to say affects your decision(s).
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jedi im interest as to why you think that im a renter? Ive read the thread and in the 15years i have offered my partner a way into having a share of the house i own. Is it wrong for me to want to have financial security for my two children when it is myself who has paid the mortgage since my divorce? That was the reason we bought another house between us fifty fifty that we at the moment rent out. I know this site is for married couples but i find the teachings very interesting. Wish i had found this site years ago and maybe i would not be in this position.
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Thanks everyone for all your input and advice. Ive finally made the decision to end this relationship. There is no way back. I just wish we had found this site 10 or 12 years ago and we may have survived. I respect everyones opinion and advice and will probably be back looking for ways to move myself forward on my own path. xx
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Thanks everyone for all your input and advice. Ive finally made the decision to end this relationship. There is no way back. I just wish we had found this site 10 or 12 years ago and we may have survived. I respect everyones opinion and advice and will probably be back looking for ways to move myself forward on my own path. xx Let us know how it goes. Stick around, there's so much wonderful information.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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thanks brainhurts. im sure i will be here reading and reading and reading.
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So glad that i took all your advice. Discussed my ex moving out to which he said he couldnt get into our other property until 15th March. I agreed to him staying until then and we talked about how we would conduct ourselves until then, which was to be with respect for each other(no dates etc)
Found out he was back on the pof site trawling for other women. Then told me he wanted someone to talk to........i told him to get out and leave me be. No Respect No Morals No Knowledge of Boundaries. MAKES THIS SOOOOOO EASY. The fog has lifted. Locks changed.
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No Respect No Morals No Knowledge of Boundaries. MAKES THIS SOOOOOO EASY. The fog has lifted. Locks changed. 
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jedi im interest as to why you think that im a renter? Ive read the thread and in the 15years i have offered my partner a way into having a share of the house i own. Is it wrong for me to want to have financial security for my two children when it is myself who has paid the mortgage since my divorce? That was the reason we bought another house between us fifty fifty that we at the moment rent out. I know this site is for married couples but i find the teachings very interesting. Wish i had found this site years ago and maybe i would not be in this position. A great read is Buyers Renters Freeloaders by Dr Willard Harley. You may be committed as a buyer but you never signed the buyers contract - marriage license. He isn't committed to a mutually caring relationship as demonstrated by his actions.
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So glad that i took all your advice. Discussed my ex moving out to which he said he couldnt get into our other property until 15th March. I agreed to him staying until then and we talked about how we would conduct ourselves until then, which was to be with respect for each other(no dates etc)
Found out he was back on the pof site trawling for other women. Then told me he wanted someone to talk to........i told him to get out and leave me be. No Respect No Morals No Knowledge of Boundaries. MAKES THIS SOOOOOO EASY. The fog has lifted. Locks changed. Good job bikerchick.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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hi all im moving forward slowly but very surely. Just want some advice. Unfortunately my ex and myself are still going to be part of a group holiday in May. He believes this is a last ditch attempt to win me round and in his own words move me on from a few things that have upset me. This is never going to happen but i want everyone myself included to still enjoy this holiday. I have made sure that accommodation is single for me and we will be spending a lot of the time on the motorbikes so not much togetherness there. Its the evenings when we relax. Im just not sure how to be around him especially when we have mutual friends going too. Should i still go or would it be in everyones interest to cut my losses and stay at home. What do you think
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hi all im moving forward slowly but very surely. Just want some advice. Unfortunately my ex and myself are still going to be part of a group holiday in May. He believes this is a last ditch attempt to win me round and in his own words move me on from a few things that have upset me. This is never going to happen but i want everyone myself included to still enjoy this holiday. I have made sure that accommodation is single for me and we will be spending a lot of the time on the motorbikes so not much togetherness there. Its the evenings when we relax. Im just not sure how to be around him especially when we have mutual friends going too. Should i still go or would it be in everyones interest to cut my losses and stay at home. What do you think I would not go. Until you're completely healed and he stops trying to manipulate you, you're better off to stay away. How do you know he's for sure going? Can you do another trip at the same time so you aren't home thinking about it? Or something else?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks for the answer Brainhurts He has paid the money for the house and ferry crossing so at this moment in time i believe he is going and he is telling mutual friends that he is.
At some point we do have to sort out the financial side of the property he has moved into aswell as it is in joint names...though im quite prepared to walk away from that and just let him get on with it other than getting my name taken off the mortgage.
The holiday is paid for and i have no spare cash to go and do something else so my options are limited to be honest. I know im never ever going back there again i feel i dont even really know who he was.
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.
At some point we do have to sort out the financial side of the property he has moved into aswell as it is in joint names...though im quite prepared to walk away from that and just let him get on with it other than getting my name taken off the mortgage Please be careful, you can't just 'take your name off' a mortgage. Generally banks will not allow this without a full refinance. At least make sure that you do not find yourself off the title but on the mortgage which is the ultimate nightmare scenario. The holiday is paid for and i have no spare cash to go and do something else so my options are limited to be honest. I know im never ever going back there again i feel i dont even really know who he was. Can you substitute? This sounds as if best case it would be miserable for you and worst case would destroy the holiday for everyone.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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Thanks for the advice Living well. Looking into all the avenues re finance and mortgate, im just so glad that i didnt remortgage my own house to finance this joint ownership so hopefully that is safe.
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Well the holiday is looming a week on friday and we are still both going. He wants us to be friends and says he is concentrating on having a good time with mutual friends and building a different relationship with his ex who deserved better. Hmmmmmmmmmm
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Well the holiday is looming a week on friday and we are still both going. He wants us to be friends and says he is concentrating on having a good time with mutual friends and building a different relationship with his ex who deserved better. Hmmmmmmmmmm What he wants is to be your "friend" so he doesn't feel so guilty about his behavior. This is the dream of every wayward. He just wants you to lessen his guilt. Is there a reason why you are subjecting yourself to this?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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After two years of me digging my partner has fessed up that he had an affair with someone within two weeks of us getting back together from one of our splits. This has happened four or five times, he moves out we get back together he moves back in. Reasons being sex and how we both deal with it. Started with him masturbating to porn on the internet using a family computer that my then young children also had access to. Not just that the porn made me feel inadequate too which i expressed my feeling about and said it made me less willing to have sex with him as it made me feel dirty and second best. This is your idea of a "friend?" I just read and see that you are not married. Why in the world would you associate with such a person under any conditions? Is there a reason why you would hang around this loser?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks for the input Melody, i truly believe that i can go on this holiday and still enjoy it EVEN if this man is there. There are other friends going and to be honest this is the only holiday i will get. Two of my closest best friends are going they know the full story and will look after me. They said if he attempts to spoil it for themselves or me then they will ride somewhere else and take me with them. Then when this is over i will be attempting to sort out the joint ownership of the property.
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