Happy Birthday, DollyHoe! Surprise, surprise!!

Just me puttin' the "cat" in catwhit...

Meow!!

Catwhit,

I think that as long as your H defends OW, he is not really all that remorseful. A repentent man recognizes that the real victim is his wife, not his "partner in crime".

AM

Thanks, ArmyMama;

I agree, his "repentant level" is lower than I would like.

Yes, he says he is committed to our marriage. He has made a lotta changes: changed jobs, moved countries, being very transparent, changed phones, closed email accounts, being MUCH more affectionate, much less IB. We are spending LOTS of UA time (29.5 hrs last week) and it feels like we are beginning to pull together as a team.

However, I have to remind him to do the twice weekly NC and Vulnerability Protection plan reviews. And if I don't book our appointments w/Steve, they don't happen. And there is the continuing protection of the Dolly. And he is unenthusiastic about posting here. It seems to me that he prefers to rug-sweep than address the fall-out.

Steve Harley said if he is feeling better, and in love w/ me, it is easy for him to forget that we are not in the same place in recovery. But I don't want to be the one to remind him of my level of hurt.

I don't trust his new feelings, though. How can it be that one day (2nd D-day) he is totally wrapped-up-in-love w/the Dolly (begging her to run away with him, even!) and the next week, he is back in love with me? If the switch can be flipped that quickly, can't it go back again, too?

What are you doing during your UA time?

Brainy;

Depends on the day. This week, we are travelling together, as I now accompany Taff on all his overnight business trips. We spend yesterday driving the nearly 5 hours from Reno to the mine, (lots of IC), then made dinner together, movie, and cuddling, snogging, sex, for a total of 10 hours UA time.

However, we are working thru the process of dealing with the Dolly's HR Manager, which, though we are pulling together, is an uncomfortable process. (I sent an email reporting the Dolly's continued contact w/ Taff, against his written request to her at NC.)Taffy's interview w/the HR woman is tomorrow a.m. I will be curious to see how that goes, how much he "defends/protects" her. And, of course, it is putting the A front and center again, as I have to go over all their emails to send appropriate documentation to HR woman. So, ugh...

Tonight we are out to dinner w/ Taffy's colleagues and their spouses. Might get in an hour or two of UA time tonight, might not.

Tomorrow we drive to Las Vegas (5 hours) through what it now appears is going to be a snowstorm (and we are in a Mustang convertible, dang!) Then we spend three days attending the big Vintage Motorcycle auctions (HUGE RC, esp. for Taffy. His number one recreational passion/obsession.)

So it is not just "sharing space" time. Generally, it is RC, IC, Affection, SF, and so e shared task-doing.

Will you be attending Taffy during the meeting with Dolly's HR manager?

You betcha!
It is a telephone interview, as was mine.

HR Mgr says the thing she will pursue is the Dolly contacting Taff after his request for no contact from her. That constitutes harassment.

She says they don't do anything about affairs as "these things happen all the time, and they are personal matters." Ugh. This is so wrong to me, since A's just sabotage productivity. But I am not going to attempt to "educate" her at this time.

They might be slightly interested as Taff's company is a client of the Dolly's company's. But probably not, unless Taff's company files a complaint. Which they are unlikely to do. (Though I am cc'ing Taff's company's HR VP on all correspondence, to keep her in the loop, at her request.) Nasty business all around.

Does Taffy intend on telling her the truth, that OW has contacted him since he asked her to stop?

Yes he does. He and I will be transmitting the documentation to HR Mgr when he gets here in a few hours. It is on his cell phone, and his emails from work. I have already sent the two NC letters, as requested by HR Mgr, to which Taffy agreed.

He wanted me to explain in my interview that the contact was " friendly", but I just said that I had heard the calls/read the emails and we would be forwarding them. HR Mgr said doesn't matter the content of the emails, just that she did contact him after specifically being requested in writing not to. Any unwanted contact, after being given an NC letter, is harassment.

Yet ANOTHER reason to send a documented NC letter!!

HR Mgr did not ask me if Taffy initiated or encouraged any contact after NC letter #2. Likely she will be asking Taffy that in her interview with him, though. One reason I will be with him for the interview.

hope it doesnt accidentally get deleted!

Naw... He is in cooperation mode. Just didn't want me to initiate the exposure to the Dolly's company. Now that it is underway, he sees it as a necessary step. For my healing.

Interestingly, he said the Dolly didn't need this because she was already in so much trouble with her boss and HR. Apparently, the start of their A was over meetings where he would help her overcome the difficulties she was having with her. He bought her stories that her boss was an abusive d*ck, who wouldn't let her go to appointments with her shrink, etc. She apparently then told her boss she had cancer and had to take time off for treatments. Taff found out about the "cancer" from colleagues (everyone believed her) and had an emotional meltdown. (Ugh for me too. Who wants to be fighting an OW who is "dying"? Sound like a Dickens novel, right?) when he rushed to her side, she told him the truth.

Anyway, I recently asked Taffy if he had ever actually seen the Dolly's boss being mean to her. Nope. Just her word. Interesting how she has so many enemies! The world is against her. In my experience, when the only common denominator is someone like the Dolly, SHE's the problem, not the victim.

Naw... He is in cooperation mode. Just didn't want me to initiate the exposure to the Dolly's company. Now that it is underway, he sees it as a necessary step. For my healing.

Interestingly, he said the Dolly didn't need this because she was already in so much trouble with her boss and HR. Apparently, the start of their A was over meetings where he would help her overcome the difficulties she was having with her boss. Taff bought her stories that her boss was an abusive d*ck, who wouldn't let her go to appointments with her shrink, etc. She apparently then told her boss she had cancer and had to take time off for treatments. Taff found out about the "cancer" from colleagues (everyone believed her) and had an emotional meltdown. (Ugh for me too. Who wants to be fighting an OW who is "dying"? Sound like a Dickens novel, right?) when he rushed to her side, she told him the truth. No cancer, just wanted to get time off. And sympathy.

Anyway, I recently asked Taffy if he had ever actually seen the Dolly's boss being mean to her. Nope. Just her word. Interesting how she has so many enemies! The world is against her. In my experience, when the only common denominator is someone like the Dolly, SHE's the problem, not the victim.

That is hiliarous!! The typical OW-HOE claims she is being "abused" by her husband but since she doesn't have a husband, she played the "victim" card with her BOSS!

You are RIGHT Melody! Hadn't thought of it that way. She sure suckered Taffy into the Knight in Shining Armour suit.

I think it is beginning to dawn on on him that she isn't quite the "nice person" he still claims she is. (Most recent incarnation; nice person, just " broken" by her dysfunctional family, being raped a couple of times, a former boyfriend whom she lived with for 10 years but he only wanted her to look after his kids, never married, no friends, and an abusive boss and meanie HR people who have it in for her... Phew! Now that sounds like someone I'd really like to have as a friend!)

But that is just me in my "cat" suit again....

*snort*