Oh I agree didn't mean to imply you just have to pray and do nothing else!

And I am happy to hear you would stop mid way if you found a great man before date 30.

I know. I can also tell you used your hard won experience to get what you wanted. Its a little daunting to have to generate that, but as you have shown, you get back what you put in.



Yeah but he would have to be super great.

College man still hasn't confirmed for this weekend. Not impressed!

Hm. Unless he contacts you tonight, he's too late for this weekend IMO.

Yep!! Agree 100% with this.

I agree with this ladies, I have better things to do, like clean the oven

i am a complete techie nerd, but long distance doesn't suit me (though i did have a LD relationship with someone who i met locally who was transferred for work, but that's a different kettle of fish). i once met a lovely man through friends who had come to my town for the weekend. we had a nice evening out with everyone, gabbed on the phone for hours all week, then he came up again on the weekend to see me. well: worst. date. ever. i don't know what it was, but when we got one on one time, i couldn't stand him! couldn't be over fast enough. consequently, i wouldn't want to spend time building up something LD only to find out that the chemistry was lacking in person. but that's just me indie, you *are* lucky in that so many other countries are a relatively close, transport-wise, distance to you. hmm, that came out kinda oxymoronic!

Any updates Indie? Some o us have to live vicariously here, you know, so give us some good details of what the dating scene is like!

Thanks Jen!

I don't know if you would call it living vicariously more like living virtually. I just posted on Other Topics in response to something Pep said that all I get online is cut-and-paste lines like 'Hi, wanna chat?' When I do find someone who can chat easily and pleasantly, they still don't care very much. Of course not. Neither do I. This freeloader stuff is odd.

After getting dumped by college man pre-date (the nerve!), I have yet another 'tentative' date this weekend.

WHAT is wrong with these people? I don't expect anyone to be crazy about me before meeting me, but I do expect people to be able to set a date and stick to it.

This one, I'll call artist man. He's an IT guy trying to turn his art hobby into a career. Cool website. I am completely obsessed with one set of pictures taken of boats at Liverpool's Albert Dock and he's added sketched pirates! And speech bubbles. Love it.

We've been chatting for about two weeks and he mentioned meeting for coffee if I was going to be doing anything in town soon. I said I had an errand next weekend and I could do it either Sat or Sun, meaning I was free either day so he could choose one.

So he said cool, just let me know nearer the time!!!

God, don't these boys fill in their social calendars ahead of time or what?

Maybe I'm overreacting due to last weeks tentative date. I just don't get why make it tentative though?

I had thought of going online and proactively starting a bunch of new conversations but I decided against it.

I filled in two job applications instead. After months of crippling job application procrastination.

2013 is to be a year of action. The men will just have to wait. A day or so!

Well I have another tentative date. I am definitely seeing the workings of the lovebank in this whole new world. One guy I tell him is artwork is great, and I get asked on a date. The other I express concern when he said he isn't feeling well. Send out some admiration/affection and boom - date.

This other date offer is from a 28 year old, a bit younger than my preference settings but he seems mature. He's an accountant and is the only person I've been chatting to on match!

I am beginning to dislike Match.com more and more. When I got asked out on POF, I could just glance over the conversation I'd had with the guy to remind myself of certain things he'd said. He likes coffee too? Well I'll suggest we do that then.

On Match, this is virtually impossible. If you want to remind yourself of what's been said you have to open each and every email separately.

This ability to review a past conversation is the ONLY advantage to online communication. It's hard to keep different people from getting mixed up in your head. It's also a bit awkward at times and so the ability to ask someone about something from an earlier point "So, did you ever get your car fixed?" is priceless for keeping a conversation going.

My friend who did the 30 dates thinks I should 'go public'. I should post on my FB page that I'm doing 30 dates this year. A friend mentioned it on her page when she started and this generated some RL dates and fix-ups. I'm unsure and think I dont trust everyone I am FB friends with to know this.

Or am I being chicken?

i don't think you're being chicken, indie, i think you're being smart. not everyone we're friends with on FB is a real friend.

why not just spread the word with your actual/real friends? or, you could put your "real" friends into a FB group, and post to the group. i do agree that friend networking is a great way to get dates!

Funny, my mom�who is a few years older then Pep�tells me my next wife should be filthy rich too. Hmm.

Great thread Indie. I haven't tried online dating yet, but I am considering it. As a guy, it's helpful to get a female perspective on what works and doesn't.

I might give it a shot.

I don't think you are chicken. I personally would not do that...just not my style but to each her own.

As for all the various sites...seems there are mixed perceptions. I stayed away from Eharmony. It seemed like that site is more geared for finding "The One" and I stayed away from POF because I got the booty call vibe from that site lol. Match seemed to fall in the middle but I know some others who thought is was the booty call site and others who thought is was "The One" site so who knows. Maybe it all depends on personality, the dating pool that comes up given our criteria, and a bunch of other variables. I'd imagine they all have their fair share of trolls.

As for match (and this could apply to all sites), if any guy ever disappeared I didn't give it too much thought. Who knows what is going on in that person's life. I pulled my profile a couple times simply because I needed a break, was busy, met someone of interest and wanted to see where that went, was going on vacation, etc. With kids, work, and other real life stuff, people have limited time and I don't expect a man to explain himself to me after a few emails. Or he could be a thoughtless jerk. Either way, I tried not to waste too much brain power thinking about it and moved on.

One thing that did stick out was to beware of men that were widowers esp if he had no children. With no ex or any children, claiming to be a widow could be a ploy since there wouldn't be an "ex" who could tell a woman the guy was a nut job. I can't remember where I read that but it did give me pause and when I read the profiles of such men there were some things that just did not feel right.

How many FB friends do you have?

Definitely wouldn't put something like that on my FB status, but I'd go down my friends list and click people I trust and send out a group msg (or singly) letting them know I'm open for matchmaking. You often have more easy contacts on FB than you can get to in the non-virtual world.

Agree 100%. I don't think it's a sign of anything - good or bad - if someone disappears.

Until you get to a real world date, nobody really owes anyone anything. It's one of the trade-offs, I think, of the ease of being able to connect with so many people.

I think I agree with the consensus that I shouldn't go 'public' on FB. Thinking about it, I simply told everyone in RL habitually that I was NOT dating, while separated. I never put that on FB and word spread. So I think I will take the same route with the 'I'm dating now message'.

We all know how gossip spreads!

I'm actually doing pretty well on the sites even without proactively searching and messaging people. I will do that when my job hunt is over and my time is more freed up, but the job hunt takes priority right now.



I do so agree with this. But I think people should show common civilities as you would to any stranger. I would never stand someone up, for example.

Things with artist man progressing well...

We have now set a firm date for Sunday afternoon and so I sent him my number yesterday.

He texted me yesterday and today to ask about my day.

That's more like it.

I see no harm in letting people know you are dating.someone on facebook may ask you out if he knew

Indie,

I personally don't use facebook (to many triggers there) but one option would be to post to facebook that you're getting ready for a date when you check in. That is a very subtle way to mention it without broadcasting it.

As for dating, I wouldn't get worked up about about people that are flaky. Look at it this way: it's the process of elimination working in your favor without any effort on your part.

Some say that the best way to find someone is to not be looking.

ak

exactly!

Quick question for the online dating folk ... what are the rules for starting to communicate? Is it proper to have the man contact first or the woman?

Also ... Facebook is a huge huge huge huge huge trigger for me. I will never ever be on it ... how do you tell them this without looking like a scorned betrayed spouse?