GJM, how you proceed post-divorce is entirely up to you. If you want to Plan A your WW forever, that is up to you. It's what you can handle.

My only suggestion is to not save her from herself. Don't be her soft landing. Don't cover bills if she's short; don't help her in any way.

I am glad the posters encouraged me to expose.
Dr Harley says it helps to kill the affair. Many affairs die after exposure.

MB,

I don't help her in any way. I'm not doing Plan A in a sense I'm trying to get her back. I don't even reach out to her. I'm just not being mean or disrespectful.

I agree. I'm glad I exposed as well. I was just repeating what Dr Harley said on one of his radio clips. I don't regret my actions because I didn't do anything wrong. I just told the truth.

Then I think you're doing great, GJM. You're being an honorable man.

It's been a month since I've been on here. The days have gotten easier, but the pain still lingers from time to time. I'm doing well considering all that my kids and I have been through. There hasn't been any drama with my ex. I did have one confrontation about dd13 lying to me about things my WxW was allowing her to do that I wouldn't allow. WxW apologized days later, but I realize the maturity level still isn't there.

The other day, WxW said she felt like she was drowning and she didn't know what to do. We were talking about the kids and what they needed and how they were doing in school and sports. WxW was crying and said she wished we could go back to when we were happy again. She's still trying to make it on her own, but she isn't progressing like she had hoped. I didn't offer her any support or advice. I just listened and went about my day.

I have come to realize now that I can think clearly, that she was not good for me. I spent a lot of time loving someone that didn't know how to love me back. She has no goals for the future or an outlook for what life a normal person wants to live when it comes to getting married, having a career, buying a home, etc.. She lives day to day and it used to drive me crazy. I do miss her from time to time, but I don't think I could ever bring myself to ask her to come back or accept an offer to reconcile. I am learning to be alone and although I don't enjoy it much, I'm making the most of it. I keep myself busy with my football team, work and kids. My football team is 3-0 so far. My son is doing great!

Well just wanted to say hello and send a quick update. Take care everyone and good luck to those doing all they can to save their marriages.

It's good to hear that your "new normal" is manageable, Sarge. The tragic figure in this story will never get over throwing away the best life she will have ever led.

Thanx for the update.

GJM.
You won't have to listen to any of her nonsense if you go into plan B or an the very minimum limited Contact

Thank you for the update.

Hey, GJM. Thanks for checking in! It doesn't sound like you are looking for advice but I am going to throw my 2cents in anyway.

You said this:

But then you said this:

This IS drama! And with your ex being wayward and in a typical downward spiral, the whining about her problems and/or arguing are MOST LIKELY to continue and will keep you somewhat stuck.

I understand that you don't want to go into a full blown Plan B but check out the post parallel parenting up in the notables forum and consider implementing SOME boundaries with your ex (only email/text contact, only contact regarding parenting/scheduling issues).

Every person I know who is D'd and still has contact with their xWS has long stories/complaints about them like this even years down the line EVERY time I see or talk to them. It is not an accident that this is with waywards. I hate seeing BS's do this to themselves. I would like to see you avoid that and really move forward in your personal recovery.

How are you doing?

Hey everyone! Sorry for the late reply. I haven't logged on in a few weeks. I am doing great in regards to getting over my divorce. It's hard being a single parent and juggling work, but I manage. I have to. I miss the companionship at times and it can get lonely, but not in a sense that I wish my WxW was there. I am also coaching football at the same time so I am really busy with the kids and don't have time for much else. My team is doing great. We were ranked #25 in the nation two weeks ago, but then we lost to the number one team in the nation. I'm not sure where we stand right now, but I'm proud of my team.

As far as the WxW goes, things are good. Not for her because she is struggling and can't get her feet on the ground. She's been trying to change jobs, but isn't getting hired anywhere. She's also been trying to get grants for school, but it's not working out for her. She doesn't ask me for anything and I don't offer. I barely talk to her unless it's about the kids. I don't want her back anymore. I don't take pleasure watching her fail or take satisfaction in her struggle, but I think she needs this in order to straighten out her life and become a better person. I'm hoping something will work out for her for the kids sake. Other than that, I'm happy most times. I just get stressed when I get overwhelmed with too much going on.

Have you considered going into plan B or limited contact ?

No...I don't need it. We have limited contact. I'm moving forward and I'm doing well. WxW isn't causing me any grief or emotional stress.

So nice to hear from you GJM.

Congrats to your team. 25 in the nation? Wow!!!

I'm a hardcore football fan, Packers and Notre Dame. I can never get a year when they're both having a good year the same year.

I loved going to my son's football games.

Enjoy your kids and your team. Glad you're doing well.

Thanks BH! I hope you're doing well. I won't talk about my NFL team, but I am a USC fan. ND is doing well so far. We'll see what happens. Take care.

Thanks.

Oh no USC!!! Just kidding. They are doing well also #11 right now.

I'm in Utah and they beat Utah. but will they beat Oregon????

Thanx for the update GJM.

I know that you know that Plan B is always an option for you. I hope that any future relationships will benefit from your MB knowledge. GREAT JOB. You are DEFINITELY an MB success.

Totally agree with Scotty.

YOU GJM are an MB success.

Hi everyone,

Hope all is as well as can be. Haven't been here in a while. I didn't want to start a new thread in another forum so I decided to post here.

My question is, how do you know when it's ok to date again? Is there a timeline for healing? I've decided that the only direction I want to go is forward. Slow, but forward. Looking back causes too much grief.

Thanks