Of course it counts ... you can add his behavior into "poor boundaries around women."

This happens with men often ... they won't leave the girl until they have another girl ... in my opinion ... I have yet to see a girl hopper ever be a good match.

Exactly my thinking

Um........you lure them in with your open signal of availability and slap 'em down when they turn out to be dating others.

LOL.

You ought to let him be added to your twitter followers any way. One more to enjoy your comments.

So artist man had sent me a digitally altered pic of a flower he had made. He had planned to send it as a follow up to our second date, but he ended up sending it to me while we were on the date. I love it and this whole thing is affecting me way too much.

My friends counselled setting up a 'day date' as a way of getting to know him better in a chilled environment just doing something fun. So I've suggested we go to one of the art galleries on Tuesday. He's come back saying he was about to suggest the same thing, and that we should do both galleries in town and then go out to eat afterwards.

I am really looking forward to it. Really. I might need a virtual slapping to get me back to my old, ruthless, rational self.

There was another potential in the pub. Man-with-girlfriends-friend. He isnt especially hot, but he dresses well and has a friendly countenance which is the next best thing to good looking. He's very funny and sociable and was the centre of the pub's conversation. I think he'd make for good contrast.

I may ask my mate to set me up.

Unbelieveable!

College man makes a reappearance. He never came back to me about our tentative Saturday date a few weeks back. He said he was going to check his shifts, then vanished.

Now he wants to know if I am free a week Saturday.

I do need to set up some contrast dates, but this one definitely missed his chance.

The nerve! Unsure how to reply, or whether to reply at all.

Enjoying reading your dating thread Indie! If I were u, I'd give him a taste of his own medicine and not bother responding. P.s. Love that u are taking it so slow with,artist man. FWIW I think u are on the right track

Thanks for the feedback, BP. Starting to feel like I dont know what I am doing. Scary.

I would respond that you found the gap in communication to be unacceptable in a potential date. Tell him you wish him well.

Teeheehee - thanks!

Artist man has sent me a warhol-style image using one of my photographs. Like the Monroe pic.

Please someone tell me he could be doing that for loads of girls and that I should keep my hard head on. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen.

A freeloader would enjoy it.

So.....enjoy.

If he's an artist, then, yes, he has definitely done it before.

You're welcome.

Go on a single date so you can cross off one of the magic thirty, would be my advice.

Thanks for the invite, but I will be embarking on a whirlwind romace with a guy I am currently seeing ... Toodaloo..!!

Indie you have to keep in mind he may have done this before...

1) He uses his professional or personal gift of art to wine and dine women of low standards as a way to get them into bed, which would imply he thinks you are stupid enough to fall for this, and is setting the stage for your rump.

2) He is unique and hasn't done this before. I would ask him ... how many of these have you created before ... do you have others I can see?


When evaluating the emotional needs of a man ... here is where you can see why admiration is one of their biggest needs. I caution any woman here to begin to evaluate their ability to understand needs. Is he trying super hard to impress because he needs you to load him up or lather him in admiration? Is he trying super hard to impress because he thinks you have low standards and this is all it will take to bed you? I would definitely find out the answer here ... because that means he has no desire what so ever to meet your needs and you are basically his next kill.

Can you begin the process of asking him what kind of needs he can meet, i.e. financial, domestic, honesty? If you find he is turned off by the prospect of meeting your needs because he is trying to woo you into the bed, then you have your answer, i.e. He is too good to be true and the likelihood of him meeting your needs is not there.


I experienced this with a guy I dated for a couple months. I felt he loved the attention, and as I began to press him on meeting my emotional needs, i.e. family committment he seemed to get more and more agitated.

This was well into 6 weeks of seeing each other ... so you have time. I decided now I am not going to wait that long to find out their stance on how they want to support my needs. This has to do with making sure my Taker has a say in my next relationship.

indie, i think you should stop worrying so much about artist man & his intentions (at this stage - you've had one real date) and focus on your own thoughts. i know that you are absolutely starved for your needs to be filled, and it must feel great to have someone doing it! but be aware and reflective of your response. enjoy having a great time with him! dating is supposed to be fun. have some fun! as long as you don't rush the relationship (read: have sex), you are going ok right now!

i'd give the other chap (guy w/gf friend) a go with your brief drink/coffee starter, just to have some contrast. (ugh at guy w/gf, live in or not. also, good contrast of who NOT to date!)

I agree with ALL ( )of your advice Letts.

Unfortunately my friend would have to get gwagff's no from the guy with a gf. However she's sure to bump into him sometime.

And I've learned that I can flirt in a pub after all! It was easy.



I think its fairly obvious he has used his best qualities and talents to impress others before meeting me. He is 37.

Just as I have used my best gifts to win others round.

Plus I have practically ordered him that we are NOT exclusive and so really, he should be employing that contrast effect and trying out his skills with others. If he prefers me after that, great. If not, also great. He claims he is sick of dating around though.

Why would you press someone to meet your needs in a dating situation?

Do I misunderstand?

That sounds counter productive.

You can only date for so long before the relationship either gets more intense or fizzles. The goal of dating many is to find out how well they can meet your needs...so why not figure that out early on? That isn't counterproductive at all ... that is comparing/contrasting. It is a waste of my time to keep giving energy to someone who in the end has no desire to meet my family committment need, or my honesty need, or my physical attractive need. If the guy is interested in family and could be a great candidate for this need of mine, then I will continue dating him, and will then press for another need. When I get to need number two and he isn't interested in meeting that one ... then I simply move onto another man.

That is how the freeloader approach works. Your taker is in control and it is telling you "Ja oder Nein". When it says "Ja" then a little of your giver comes out and you transition into Renter. In the beginning the Freeloader's taker is in full control and its radar is on your needs only.

The goal of dating many isn't to just have a number ... it is to find the one who is willing and able to meet your most important emotional needs the best ... that is why it is the contrast effect ... that is how you can understand yourself the best.

I think you should let your Taker be driving here. Let him chase you ... let him show you how he can meet your most important emotional needs.