I do all this expecting my marriage to be over, but hope it's salvageable?

Let's rephrase that : You do all that trying to save your marriage, but allowing for the fact that her selfish, immature, self-empowered actions might not let you succeed.

As for the other:

Until you are DIVORCED, you are MARRIED. One of you will have to provide a living example of honor and integrity to your daughter. It sure as HELL doesn't look like that's going to be WW.

You do NOT date, you do NOT socialize with women, until/unless the gavel comes down. If you want to piss off a whole lot of folks on this site, argue with that premise, or worse yet, ignore it!

And for the love of God - if a certain transplanted Texienne jumps in here on this matter, simply say, "Yes, Ma'am!" The splatter from shotgun blasts is so difficult to repair!

The REASON she is doing this is so you won't complain when she sticks it you. That is the whole point, to get you to cooperate with your own destruction. So you need to let her know that you won't be amicable and you won't be her "friend." You will not be "friends" with someone who lies and cheats. Rather, you will cut her off completely and will be using a "parallel parenting plan." That will take the winds of her sails!

Go read up on parallel parenting in the notable posts section.

NG, I do 100% agree with your statement. That's eactly where my mind set is.

FB,

Whatever you do, do not allow your WW to turn you into her.

God Bless
Gamma

The whole thing a out plan a is to debunk the whole my husband is a naive crap she spews as damage control for her heinous actions. Without anything to complain about she comes across as a crazy person.

Here you go.

Parallel Parenting

Just got back from the attyn's office. She said I am doing the right thing by exploring my rights, but could tell I wasn't ready to file yet. She asked if my D knew, I said yes and told her about the exposure on Sunday. She said that that was fine, but do not say anything else to het from here on out regarding the A.

So now I'm wondering, will I know when it's time to file or not? Assuming the W doesn't file.

Ahh, the game of "Filing Chicken"!

Okay, at this point it would appear you still hold hope that the marriage can be saved, so that would work against your filing. However, if it appears certain that WW is committed to filing it would be better for you to have filed first, to control the pace and direction of the action.

So the question is: Where is her head? Is she TAKING ACTION TOWARD, not merely TALKING ABOUT, filing? Having her file first is an encumbrance, surely, but you still hold the trump card in your ability to counter-file for adultery. So you need to protect that. And now we delve into the realm of indelicacy.

In some jurisdictions, once you can be shown to have knowledge of her physical infidelity, if you then engage in sexual congress with her, you may have forfeited your right to pursue an adultery claim. You might want to bounce that off your lawyer.

NG, I guess until it's over " my marriage" I will hold out hope. Hope that doesn't make me sound like a cornball or doormat....

As far as engaging in sexual congress, that hasn't happened since first week of October.

I would file for divorce and custody.
The divorce process takes several months so you can stop it if she decides to stop having sex with other men and be a wife.

Yes file first and go for full custody. This action with along with exposure has known to snap a WW out of her fog and end her affair.

You can instruct your lawyer to file first then drag it out.

I concur that's what I'm doing now!

Somewhat revealing how the four BHs (TR, JK, TD, and NG) line up on this issue, yes?

I am a BH and I also agree. In my case I filed for a legal separation and informed her that I was hopeful for reconciliation down the road. She responded by counter-filing for divorce.

Initiating the process was an advantage for me, and I wound up with full custody of the children.

Bottom line: it is important to be assertive and proactive as you face this struggle, especially in the areas of property and custody. You can take care of these things, and work to save your marriage at the same time whether you are in plan a or plan b.

Maybe I wasn't clear. The only BH who was blessed enough to have already recovered his marriage and moved forward is the only one saying "Hold off!"

Your vote adds to the clarity of the division.

fb, did WW meet OM this weekend?

I told my wife, quite simply, I want all of you, or nothing to do with you at all. I will be your husband, and nothing else.

Black Raven, she goes this weekend to AZ, while I take our daughter to a cheerleading competion.

So who on here has saved their marriage, and been able to work on moving forward?